TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Which would you choose between prioritizing economic growth or protecting the environment?

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 2 Organization: 3 Coherence and Cohesion: 3 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

17. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章没有遵循TOEFL iBT综合写作任务1的要求。文章没有提到阅读和听力材料，也没有针对这些材料进行讨论。建议重新审查任务说明，并确保在文章中涉及阅读和听力材料。同时，确保回答问题时充分讨论两种观点。

示例1： 根据阅读材料，经济增长可以带来更多的就业机会和提高生活水平。然而，在听力材料中，专家指出环境保护对于人类生存至关重要。

示例2： 阅读材料提到，经济增长可以促进科技发展，从而改善人们的生活质量。然而，在听力材料中，专家强调环境恶化可能导致严重的健康问题和资源短缺。

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构不够清晰，缺乏引言、主体和结论的明确划分。建议使用主题句来引导每个段落，并在段落之间使用过渡词或短语来增强连贯性。

示例1： 改进前：To be more specific, human only have one earth, we can't live without the environment which being destroyed hardly. 改进后：首先，人类只有一个地球，我们无法在被严重破坏的环境中生存。

示例2： 改进前：For example, the air-conditioner help people live in a better temperature the body feels in summer or winter, which also benefit the industry of industrial deign or chemical or some other relevant industry of this product. 改进后：例如，在夏季或冬季，空调帮助人们保持舒适的体感温度，这对工业设计、化学等相关产业也有益。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, protecting environment is the necessary of human being's life.

To be more specific, human only have one earth, we can't live without the environment which being destroyed hardly. If we only prioritize economic by developing industry, neglecting the negativity effect caused in the process of economic prosperous, actually we do harm to ourselves.

For example, the air-conditioner help people live in a better temperature the body feels in summer or winter, which also benefit the industry of industrial deign or chemical or some other relevant industry of this product. More and more people will get job due to the development of these industrythis industry('this' vs. 'these'), such as designing, manufacturing and so on. But the carbon dioxide that release from the air-conditioner will cause the green-house effect, let the global temperature become higher and higher. Thus, it will cause a serious problem in the habitat of the animal and plants all around world, which is also relevant with human's social and living life.

All in all, we should protect our environment to build a beautiful co-home for all creatures on the earth.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

In my opinion, prioritizing environmental protection is essential for the sustainability of human life.

To elaborate, humans have only one Earth to inhabit, and we cannot survive if our environment is severely damaged. If we solely focus on economic growth by expanding industries without considering the negative consequences arising from this pursuit of prosperity, we are ultimately harming ourselves.

For instance, air conditioners provide people with comfortable temperatures during summer and winter months, benefiting various industries such as industrial design and chemical production. The development of these industries creates numerous job opportunities in fields like design and manufacturing. However, the carbon dioxide emissions from air conditioners contribute to the greenhouse effect, causing global temperatures to rise steadily. Consequently, this results in significant problems for animal and plant habitats worldwide, which are intrinsically linked to human society and our quality of life.

In conclusion, it is crucial that we prioritize environmental protection to create a harmonious coexistence for all living beings on Earth. (167 words)

Revised Essay with Explanations Inline:

In my opinion, protecting environment prioritizing environmental protection (Changed "protecting environment" to "prioritizing environmental protection" for clarity and natural tone) is the necessary essential for the sustainability of human being's life.

To be more specific, human elaborate, humans have only have one earth, Earth to inhabit, and we can't live without the cannot survive if our environment is severely damaged (Rephrased "the environment which being destroyed hardly. hardly" for clarity and natural tone). If we only prioritize solely focus on economic growth by developing industry, neglecting expanding industries without considering the negative consequences arising from this pursuit of prosperity (Rephrased "neglecting the negativity effect caused in the process of economic prosperous, actually prosperous" for clarity and natural tone), we do harm to are ultimately harming ourselves.

For example, the air-conditioner help instance, air conditioners provide people live in a better temperature the body feels in with comfortable temperatures during summer or winter, which also benefit the and winter months, benefiting various industries such as industrial design and chemical production (Rephrased "the industry of industrial deign or chemical or some other relevant industry of this product. More and more people will get product" for clarity and natural tone). The development of these industries creates numerous job due to the development of these industry, such as designing, manufacturing and so on. But opportunities in fields like design and manufacturing. However, the carbon dioxide that release emissions from the air-conditioner will cause the green-house air conditioners contribute to the greenhouse effect, let causing global temperatures to rise steadily (Rephrased "let the global temperature become higher and higher. Thus, it will cause a serious problem higher" for clarity and natural tone). Consequently, this results in the habitat of the significant problems for animal and plants all around world, plant habitats worldwide, which are intrinsically linked to human society and our quality of life (Rephrased "which is also relevant with human's social and living life. life" for clarity and natural tone).

All in all, In conclusion, it is crucial that we should protect prioritize environmental protection (Changed "protect our environment to build environment" to "prioritize environmental protection" for consistency) to create a harmonious coexistence (Changed "build a beautiful co-home co-home" to "create a harmonious coexistence" for a more natural expression) for all creatures living beings on the earth.Earth.

8. Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Importance of environmental protection
   - Sustainability of human life

2. One Earth
   - Limited resources
   - Irreversible damage

3. Economic Growth vs Environmental Protection
   - Expansion of industries
   - Negative consequences

4. Example: Air Conditioners
   - Benefits to industries and job opportunities
   - Carbon dioxide emissions and greenhouse effect

5. Impact on Animal and Plant Habitats
   - Global temperature rise
   - Connection to human society and quality of life

6. Conclusion 
   - Prioritize environmental protection 
   - Harmonious coexistence for all living beings on Earth.

9. Keywords