TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: When people are asked about the most important discoveries or inventions made in the last two hundred years, they usually mention something very obvious, like the computer or the cell phone. But there are thousands of other discoveries or inventions that have had a huge impact on how we live today. What scientific discovery or technological invention from the last two hundred years—other than computers and cell phones—would you choose as being important? Why?

1.Sub Scores

Task fulfillment: 2 Organization: 2 Coherence and Cohesion: 3 Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 17 (2.5)

3.Task completeness

The essay does not fully address the specific requirements of the task. The prompt asks for a scientific discovery or technological invention from the last two hundred years, but the essay focuses solely on the COVID vaccine, which is a recent development. Additionally, the essay does not provide sufficient evidence or examples to support its argument. To improve task fulfillment, you should choose an invention or discovery from the last two hundred years and provide clear reasons and examples to support your choice.

Example 1: "In my opinion, one of the most important inventions in the last two hundred years is electricity. Electricity has revolutionized our lives by providing us with light, powering our appliances, and enabling modern communication systems."

Example 2: "I believe that antibiotics are one of the most significant scientific discoveries in the past two centuries. Antibiotics have saved countless lives by treating bacterial infections that were once deadly."

4.Essay structure and organization

The essay's structure could be improved by including a clear introduction, body paragraphs focusing on specific points with supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points. Additionally, transitions between ideas and paragraphs should be clearer.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Begin with an introduction that clearly states your chosen invention or discovery and provides an overview of its importance.

• Develop body paragraphs that focus on specific reasons why your chosen invention or discovery is important. Provide supporting details and examples.

• Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and restating why your chosen invention or discovery is significant.

Example 1: Introduction: "One of the most transformative inventions in human history is electricity. This powerful force has revolutionized every aspect of our lives, from lighting our homes to powering our industries."

Example 2: Body paragraph: "Antibiotics have had a profound impact on global health. Before their discovery, people often died from common bacterial infections, such as pneumonia or strep throat. With the advent of antibiotics, these once-deadly infections can now be treated effectively, saving millions of lives each year."

5. Grammar

In my opinion, I think the most important inventions made in the last two hundreds yearsof years(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'of' is missing in a sentence.) is the covid vaccine. During the covid epidemic, a lot of people died painfully, people have no solutions to solve this new come virus, the only thing people can do is to wait until death comes. But now, through scientists trying and mocking, the valuable vaccines are being used on human bodies. For example in China each citizensall citizens('each' or 'every' with plural nouns) are required to take the vaccine once in a year, the covid vaccine guaranteed us from being infected. I won't say that people will not caughtcatch(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) on the disease anymore, but instead, the vaccine reduces a lot of pain that we used to have during the severe covid epidemic. It's luckily that we can have this vaccine, imagine if we don't have the vaccine, people will still sufferedsuffer(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) from the virus a lot, and our health quality, our population will declineddecline(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs), our life will be destroyed too.

Section Title: 6. Revised Essay

In my opinion, the most significant invention in the last two hundred years, aside from computers and cell phones, is the COVID-19 vaccine. During the height of the pandemic, countless individuals succumbed to this novel virus, leaving humanity feeling helpless and awaiting an uncertain fate. However, through relentless scientific research and experimentation, life-saving vaccines have been developed and administered worldwide.

For instance, in China, citizens are required to receive the vaccine annually to ensure their protection against the virus. While it may not completely eradicate the disease, it significantly reduces its impact on our lives by alleviating much of the suffering experienced during the most severe stages of the pandemic. The availability of this vaccine has undoubtedly transformed our approach to public health and allowed us to regain a sense of normalcy.

Had this groundbreaking vaccine not been developed, societies would continue to be ravaged by COVID-19's devastating effects. Our overall health quality would deteriorate; populations would decline; and our way of life would be irrevocably altered. The COVID-19 vaccine represents a remarkable achievement in modern science and serves as a testament to human ingenuity in overcoming adversity.

In light of these considerations, it is evident that the development of the COVID-19 vaccine stands as one of history's most important inventions. It has not only saved countless lives but also paved the way for future advancements in medical science and technology that will continue to shape our world for generations to come. (247 words)

In my opinion, I think the the most significant invention in the last two hundred years, aside from computers and cell phones, is the COVID-19 vaccine (I revised "covid vaccine" to "COVID-19 vaccine" for consistency and clarity). During the height of the pandemic, countless individuals succumbed to this novel virus (I replaced "died painfully" with "succumbed" for a more formal tone), leaving humanity feeling helpless and awaiting an uncertain fate. However, through relentless scientific research and experimentation (I changed "trying and mocking" to "research and experimentation" for accuracy), life-saving vaccines have been developed and administered worldwide.

For instance, in China, citizens are required to receive the vaccine annually (I changed "once in a year" to "annually" for better word choice) to ensure their protection against the virus. While it may not completely eradicate the disease, it significantly reduces its impact on our lives by alleviating much of the suffering experienced during the most severe stages of the pandemic (I rephrased this sentence for clarity). The availability of this vaccine has undoubtedly transformed our approach to public health and allowed us to regain a sense of normalcy.

Had this groundbreaking vaccine not been developed, societies would continue to be ravaged by COVID-19's devastating effects. Our overall health quality would deteriorate; populations would decline; and our way of life would be irrevocably altered (I rephrased this sentence for better flow). The COVID-19 vaccine represents a remarkable achievement in modern science and serves as a testament to human ingenuity in overcoming adversity.

In light of these considerations, it is evident that the development of the COVID-19 vaccine stands as one of history's most important inventions (I changed "inventions made in the last two hundreds years is the covid vaccine. During the covid epidemic, a lot of people died painfully, people have no solutions to solve this new years" to "history's most important inventions"). It has not only saved countless lives but also paved the way for future advancements in medical science and technology that will continue to shape our world for generations to come virus, the only thing people can do is to wait until death comes. But now, through scientists trying and mocking, the valuable vaccines are being used on human bodies. For example in China each citizens are required to take the vaccine once in a year, the covid vaccine guaranteed us from being infected. I won't say that people will not caught on the disease anymore, but instead, the vaccine reduces a lot of pain that we used to have during the severe covid epidemic. It's luckily that we can have this vaccine, imagine if we don't have the vaccine, people will still suffered from the virus a lot, and our health quality, our population will declined, our life will be destroyed too.(I added this sentence to emphasize the importance of the vaccine).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
    - Most significant invention
    - COVID-19 vaccine

- Body
    - Height of the pandemic
        - Helplessness and uncertainty
    - Scientific research and experimentation
        - Development of vaccines
    - Global administration of vaccines
        - China's annual requirement for citizens
        - Reduction of disease impact and suffering
    - Transformation of public health approach
        - Regaining normalcy in life

- Counterfactual scenario (without vaccine)
    - Continued devastation by COVID-19 effects
        - Deterioration of overall health quality 
        - Decline in populations 
        - Irrevocable alteration of way of life 

- Conclusion 
    - Remarkable achievement in modern science 
    - Testament to human ingenuity 
    - Importance in history and future advancements 

9. Key Words