TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: What is your view? Do you think governments should actively keep fuel prices low for energy costs?
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In class this week, we are looking at how markets work, particularly in regard to energy costs. Petroleum, also known simply as oil, is one of the mostimportantinternational commodities.When the global market price of oil goes up, fuels such as gasoline(petrol) also become more expensive.Many people think governments should step in to protect consumers fromincreases in fuel prices. What is your view? Do you think governments should actively keep fuel prices low for energy costs? Kelly Ithink it's a good government policy. Most people have to drive or use public transportation, like a bus, to get to work .When the price of gasoline goes up, it costs them more to get to work. People don't have a choice about whether to go to work or not, so they should be protected from price increases. Andrew I think the government keeping gas prices low is a bad policy. The biggest problem we face now is global climate change. The more expensive gasoline isthe less people will drive and thus thev will contribute fewer greenhouse gases to the air. Lowering the cost of gas just makes the problem worse.
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What is your view? Do you think governments should actively keep fuel prices low for energy costs?
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As far as I am concerned,I firmly believe that the government should take the responsibility to control the price of oil.,since it could benefit our individuals a lot by this way.To be more specific,there will more people could afford the transportation fee accroading to this policy,which means an array of money could be saved for supporting other meaning things of us daily life. Furthermore,we could use the same amount of money purchase more oil,only in this way can we travel more then before,it is our bonus that we could drive our cars to some distant places where we can go hiking or camping,and all of these things could improve our level of life,creating more happiness. To sum up,the decrease of petrol price may bring us a better life.
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1.子项得分 任务完成度：3 组织：3 连贯与衔接：3 语言使用：3
2.预估分数
20. 3.任务完成度
这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不够好。虽然文章表达了作者认为政府应该控制油价的观点，但没有涉及到阅读和听力材料中的观点。在TOEFL iBT综合写作任务1中，你需要结合阅读和听力材料来回答问题。建议在文章中引用阅读和听力材料中的论点，并对这些论点进行分析和评价。
示例1： 例如，你可以在文章中提到Kelly认为政府应该保护消费者免受油价上涨的影响，因为大多数人需要开车或乘坐公共交通工具去上班。然后，你可以对这个观点进行评价，说明你是否同意这个观点以及为什么。
示例2： 另外，你还可以提到Andrew认为政府干预油价是不利的政策，因为高昂的油价会降低人们驾驶汽车的意愿，从而减少温室气体排放。同样地，在引用这个观点之后，请对其进行评价并解释你是否同意这个观点以及为什么。
4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面有待改进。虽然文章包括了引言、正文和结论，但各段落之间的逻辑关系不够明确，缺乏恰当的过渡。建议在各段落之间使用过渡词或短语来更好地连接观点，并确保每个段落都集中讨论一个具体的论点。
示例1： 在引言部分，你可以先简要介绍阅读和听力材料中的两种观点，然后明确表达你自己的立场。例如：“阅读材料中，Kelly主张政府应该干预油价以保护消费者，而Andrew则认为这样做会加剧全球气候变化问题。在我看来，政府应该负责控制油价。”
示例2： 在正文部分，你可以分别讨论Kelly和Andrew的观点，并对它们进行评价。例如：“首先，根据Kelly的观点，政府干预油价有助于减轻消费者的经济负担。然而，在另一方面，Andrew指出高昂的油价可能会鼓励人们减少驾驶汽车从而降低温室气体排放。尽管这一观点在环保方面具有一定道理，但考虑到许多人对于出行的需求，政府仍应采取措施来平衡油价。”
5. 语法批改
As far as I am concerned,I, I(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) firmly believe that the government should take the responsibility to control the price of oil.,since, since(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) it could benefit our individuals a lot by this way.To To(Missing space between sentences) be more specific,there, there(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) will more people couldmore people could(Does anybody would (Would anybody)) afford the transportation fee accroadingaccording(misspelling) to this policy,which, which(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) means an array of money could be saved for supporting other meaning things of us daily life. Furthermore,we, we(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) could use the same amount of money purchaseto purchase(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) more oil,only, only(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) in this way can we travel more thenthan(Detects potentially wrong usage of "then") before,it, it(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) is our bonus that we could drive our cars to some distant places where we can go hiking or camping,and, and(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) all of these things could improve our level of life,creating, creating(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) more happiness. To sum up,the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) decrease of petrol price may bring us a better life.
Section Title: 6.文章修订
Revised Essay:
In my opinion, I firmly believe that governments should assume the responsibility of regulating oil prices, as this approach could significantly benefit individuals. More specifically, by maintaining lower fuel prices, a larger number of people would be able to afford transportation costs. Consequently, this policy would enable individuals to save money that could be allocated towards other meaningful aspects of daily life.
Moreover, with the same amount of money, we could purchase more fuel and extend our travel opportunities. This advantage allows us to drive our vehicles to more distant locations for recreational activities such as hiking or camping. Ultimately, these experiences can enhance our quality of life and contribute to overall happiness.
In essence, the implementation of government policies aimed at controlling fuel prices may lead to an improved standard of living for many individuals. (141 words)
As Revised Essay with Explanations Inline:
In my opinion (Changed "As far as I am concerned,I concerned" to "In my opinion" for a more natural tone), I firmly believe that the government governments should take assume the responsibility to control of regulating oil prices (Changed "control the price of oil.,since it oil" to "regulating oil prices" for clarity), as this approach could significantly benefit our individuals. More specifically, by maintaining lower fuel prices, a larger number of people would be able to afford transportation costs (Rephrased for clarity and natural tone). Consequently, this policy would enable individuals a lot by this way.To be more specific,there will more people could afford the transportation fee accroading to this policy,which means an array of to save money that could be saved for supporting allocated towards other meaning things of us meaningful aspects of daily life. Furthermore,we could use life (Reworded for clarity and natural tone).
Moreover, with the same amount of money money, we could purchase more oil,only in this way can we fuel and extend our travel more then before,it is our bonus that we could opportunities (Rephrased for clarity). This advantage allows us to drive our cars to some vehicles to more distant places where we can go locations for recreational activities such as hiking or camping,and all of camping (Clarified the sentence). Ultimately, these things could improve experiences can enhance our level of life,creating more happiness. To sum up,the decrease of petrol price quality of life and contribute to overall happiness (Reworded for a natural tone).
In essence, the implementation of government policies aimed at controlling fuel prices may bring us a better life.lead to an improved standard of living for many individuals (Rephrased the conclusion for clarity and natural tone).
8. Mind Map
Mind Map:
- Introduction
- Thesis statement: Government regulation of oil prices
- Benefits for individuals
- Lower transportation costs
- Saving money for other aspects of life
- Enhanced travel opportunities
- More fuel with the same amount of money
- Access to recreational activities (hiking, camping)
- Conclusion
- Improved standard of living through government policies controlling fuel prices
9. Keywords
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Regulation | /ˌrɛɡjəˈleɪʃən/ | Noun | The act of controlling or managing | 规定 | The government is responsible for the regulation of oil prices. |
| Transportation | /ˌtrænspərˈteɪʃən/ | Noun | The movement of people or goods from one place to another | 运输 | Lower fuel prices make transportation more affordable. |
| Allocate | /ˈæləkeɪt/ | Verb | To set aside resources for a specific purpose | 分配 | Individuals can allocate their saved money towards other meaningful aspects of daily life. |
| Recreational | /ˌrɛkriˈeɪʃənl/ | Adjective | /Activities done for enjoyment or relaxation | /娱乐的 | /We can drive to more distant locations for recreational activities such as hiking or camping. |
| Quality of life | /kwɒlɪti ʌv laɪf/ | Noun | /The general well-being of individuals and societies | /生活质量 | /These experiences can enhance our quality of life and contribute to overall happiness. |
| Implementation | /ɪmˌplɛmənˈteɪʃən/ | Noun | /The process of putting a decision or plan into effect | /实施 | /The implementation of government policies aimed at controlling fuel prices may lead to improvements. |
| Standard of living | /ˈstændərd ʌv ˈlɪvɪŋ/ | Noun | The level of wealth, comfort, and material goods available to a person or community | 生活水平 | Controlling fuel prices may lead to an improved standard of living for many individuals. |
| Policy | /ˈpɒləsi/ | Noun | A course or principle of action adopted by a government | 政策 | Government policies controlling fuel prices can benefit the population. |
| Afford | /əˈfɔrd/ | Verb | /To be able to pay for something | /负担得起 | /Lower fuel prices mean more people can afford transportation costs. |
| Contribute | /kənˈtrɪbju:t/ | Verb | /To help to cause or bring about | /有助于 | /Regulating oil prices contributes to overall happiness and an improved standard of living. |
6. Revised Essay
In my opinion, I firmly believe that governments should assume the responsibility of regulating oil prices, as this approach could significantly benefit individuals. More specifically, by maintaining lower fuel prices, a larger number of people would be able to afford transportation costs. Consequently, this policy would enable individuals to save money that could be allocated towards other meaningful aspects of daily life.
Moreover, with the same amount of money, we could purchase more fuel and extend our travel opportunities. This advantage allows us to drive our vehicles to more distant locations for recreational activities such as hiking or camping. Ultimately, these experiences can enhance our quality of life and contribute to overall happiness.
In essence, the implementation of government policies aimed at controlling fuel prices may lead to an improved standard of living for many individuals.
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