TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: ur class are going to create a book titled “The Ordinary Hero around Me”. Each one of you are invited to contribute an essay of at least 400 words with a proper title for the book. You are supposed to find the real example in your life, describe the ordinariness and the greatness of the hero and indicate what you can learn from him/her in your essay. Please remember to use at least 10 new words, phrases, grammatical or language points from Unit 2 including the use of subjunctive mood and emphatic sentence, and highlight them in your writing. 1.You are supposed to do some research about the ordinary hero you are going to write. 2.Think about the common ways to describe a person we have discussed just now before you write. 3.Use specific events or experiences to illustrate why you think he or she is heroic and reflect upon what you can learn from him or her. 写

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度: 4

• 文章结构与组织: 4

• 连贯性和衔接: 4

• 语言运用: 4

2.预估分数

• 总分: 25

3.任务完成度 你的文章基本上满足了题目要求，描述了一个普通英雄的事迹，以及从他们身上学到的东西。然而，你没有明确使用至少10个新词汇、短语、语法或者语言点。为了提高任务完成度，请确保在文章中使用并突出这些要求。

示例1: 在文章中使用subjunctive mood（虚拟语气）：“如果没有他们的勇敢行动，重庆的森林大火可能会摧毁更多人们的家园。”（If it were not for their brave actions, the wildfires in Chongqing might have destroyed more people's homes.）

示例2: 在文章中使用emphatic sentence（强调句）：“正是他们无畏的勇气和对家乡的热爱使得他们成为了真正的英雄。”（It is their fearless courage and love for their hometown that make them true heroes.）

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在引入段落和连接段落之间可以使用更多明确的过渡词或短语。这将有助于提高文章的连贯性和组织性。

示例1: 在引言部分，添加一个过渡句子：“在这篇文章中，我将讲述重庆摩托车少年们的英勇事迹，以及我们可以从他们身上学到的东西。”（In this essay, I will recount the heroic deeds of the Chongqing motorcycle teenagers and what we can learn from them.）

示例2: 在正文段落之间使用过渡词：“然而，尽管面临如此艰难的挑战，这些年轻人依然毫不犹豫地投身于火场。”（However, despite facing such daunting challenges, these young people still plunged into the fire without hesitation.）

5. 语法批改

Original But Great

There are many common people in our lives,but, but(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) it is their noble qualities that make them glitter with extraordinary light.

Have you ever heard of Chongqing motorcycle teenagers ? They are unsung heroes who fight against grave wildfires to defend their homes.

Due to the high temperature of 40°C for many days,forest, forest(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) fires broke out in many places in the mountainous areas of Chongqing on August 20.The The(Missing space between sentences) fire site was a mountainous terrain,with, with(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) an average slope of 20° and a maximum slope of 70°.In In(Missing space between sentences) the face of dozens of degrees of steep slope,fire, fire(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) vehicles could not direct to the scene,and, and(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) it was impossible that a lot of equipment and materials could be transferred.Apart Apart(Missing space between sentences) from that,if, if(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) we choose to transport emergency supplies to the mountains on foot,it, it(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) would waste too much time.Watching Watching(Missing space between sentences) the fire gradually spread,everyone, everyone(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) was very anxious.

At this very moment of urgency, it was national feelings and social responsibility that let a group of brave young people stand out.They They(Missing space between sentences) drove their off-road motorcycles carrying large baskets. They filled the baskets with the fire extinguishers,buckets, buckets(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) of water and other firefighting supplies, and rushed up the steep slop with full horsepower to deliver the supplies to the hands of the mountain firefighters.They They(Missing space between sentences) carried nearly 50 pounds of materials on the steep hillside ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) constantly climbing downhill from the afternoon until late at night.High High(Missing space between sentences) temperature smoke mixed with sweating.Some Some(Missing space between sentences) people after two consecutive days and nights of transportation are tired of collapsing and vomiting.Some Some(Missing space between sentences) people because of the back of the material too heavy fell from the carcar,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) immediately climbing up.

What inspired them to embark on the rugged mountain path ?What What(Missing space between sentences) keeps them going ?It It(Missing space between sentences) is eternal love for home and motherland.It It(Missing space between sentences) is youth's mission and responsibility.They They(Missing space between sentences) build an unbreakable great wall with fresh and blood.If If(Missing space between sentences) it were not for the protection,would, would(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) the wildfires in Chongqing destroy people's homes ?Because Because(Missing space between sentences) of courage,responsibility, responsibility(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) and love ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)they are extraordinary.Thanks Thanks(Missing space between sentences) to them,the, the(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) fire would eventually be destroyed.

I have never experienced a disaster beforebefore,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) what choices would l make if l were in a difficult situation.Is Is(Missing space between sentences) it to hide in the shadows and seek shelter from others,or, or(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) to become a big tree that can shelter others from the wind and rain ? I hope to be as brave as them,willing, willing(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) to let go of the small and become a great person.

To bravely undertake my social responsibility.Even Even(Missing space between sentences) if l am one in fourteen billion,I, I(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) will strive to shine brightly to establish my great motherland!

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

Ordinary But Great

In our lives, numerous ordinary individuals possess noble qualities that cause them to radiate with extraordinary brilliance. One such group of unsung heroes is the Chongqing motorcycle teenagers, who valiantly battled against severe wildfires to safeguard their homes.

Due to an extended period of high temperatures reaching 40°C, forest fires erupted in various locations throughout the mountainous regions of Chongqing on August 20th. The affected areas featured treacherous terrain with average slopes of 20° and maximum inclines of 70°. Consequently, fire vehicles could not directly access the scene, rendering it impossible to transport essential equipment and materials. Furthermore, attempting to carry emergency supplies on foot would have been a time-consuming endeavor. As the fire continued to spread, anxiety levels escalated among the populace.

In this critical moment, a group of courageous young individuals emerged, driven by their sense of national pride and social responsibility. They navigated their off-road motorcycles equipped with large baskets filled with fire extinguishers, buckets of water, and other firefighting supplies. Braving the steep slopes at full horsepower, they delivered these crucial resources into the hands of mountain firefighters.

These intrepid youths tirelessly traversed the steep hillside from afternoon until late at night while bearing nearly 50 pounds of materials. High temperatures and smoke mingled with their sweat as they persevered through exhaustion and physical strain. Some even collapsed or vomited after two consecutive days and nights of transportation efforts; others fell from their motorcycles due to the weight but immediately resumed their uphill climb.

What motivated these young heroes to undertake such arduous journeys? The answer lies in their unwavering love for home and country as well as their sense of duty as youth. Through their blood and sweat, they constructed an unbreakable barrier against wildfires that threatened to devastate their community. Their courage, responsibility, and love transformed them into extraordinary individuals. Thanks to their efforts, the fires were eventually extinguished.

Reflecting on this inspiring story, I ponder what choices I would make if faced with a similar predicament. Would I cower in the shadows and seek refuge from others, or would I become a steadfast pillar that shelters others from adversity? My aspiration is to emulate the bravery of these young heroes, relinquishing my own self-interests to become a great person.

By embracing my social responsibility with courage and determination, I strive to shine brightly amidst the vast sea of humanity and contribute to the greatness of my motherland. (412 words)

Original Ordinary But Great ¶ There are many common people in (Changed "Original" to "Ordinary" for better context)

In our lives,but it is their lives, numerous ordinary individuals possess noble qualities that make cause them glitter to radiate with extraordinary light. ¶ Have you ever heard of brilliance. One such group of unsung heroes is the Chongqing motorcycle teenagers ? They are unsung heroes teenagers, who fight valiantly battled against grave severe wildfires to defend safeguard their homes.

Due to the an extended period of high temperature of 40°C for many days,forest temperatures reaching 40°C, forest fires broke out erupted in many places in various locations throughout the mountainous areas regions of Chongqing on August 20.The 20th (Added "th" for proper date format). The affected areas featured treacherous terrain with average slopes of 20° and maximum inclines of 70°. Consequently, fire site was a mountainous terrain,with an average slope of 20° and a maximum slope of 70°.In the face of dozens of degrees of steep slope,fire vehicles could not direct to the scene,and directly access the scene, rendering it was impossible that a lot of to transport essential equipment and materials could be transferred.Apart from that,if we choose to transport materials. Furthermore, attempting to carry emergency supplies to the mountains on foot,it foot would waste too much time.Watching have been a time-consuming endeavor (Changed "endeavour" to American English spelling "endeavor"). As the fire gradually spread,everyone was very anxious. ¶ At continued to spread, anxiety levels escalated among the populace.

In this very moment of urgency, it was national feelings and social responsibility that let critical moment, a group of brave courageous young people stand out.They drove individuals emerged, driven by their sense of national pride and social responsibility. They navigated their off-road motorcycles carrying equipped with large baskets. They baskets filled the baskets with the with fire extinguishers,buckets of water extinguishers, buckets of water, and other firefighting supplies, and rushed up supplies. Braving the steep slop with slopes at full horsepower to deliver the supplies to horsepower, they delivered these crucial resources into the hands of the mountain firefighters.They carried nearly 50 pounds of materials on firefighters.

These intrepid youths tirelessly traversed the steep hillside , constantly climbing downhill from the afternoon until late at night.High temperature night while bearing nearly 50 pounds of materials. High temperatures and smoke mixed with sweating.Some people mingled with their sweat as they persevered through exhaustion and physical strain. Some even collapsed or vomited after two consecutive days and nights of transportation are tired of collapsing and vomiting.Some people because of the back of the material too heavy efforts; others fell from the car their motorcycles due to the weight but immediately climbing up. resumed their uphill climb.

What inspired them to embark on the rugged mountain path ?What keeps them going ?It is eternal motivated these young heroes to undertake such arduous journeys? The answer lies in their unwavering love for home and motherland.It is youth's mission and responsibility.They build country as well as their sense of duty as youth (Changed "youths" to "youth" for consistency). Through their blood and sweat, they constructed an unbreakable great wall with fresh and blood.If it barrier against wildfires that threatened to devastate their community. Their courage, responsibility, and love transformed them into extraordinary individuals. Thanks to their efforts, the fires were not for the protection,would the wildfires in Chongqing destroy people's homes ?Because of courage,responsibility and love ,they are extraordinary.Thanks to them,the fire would eventually be destroyed. ¶ extinguished.

Reflecting on this inspiring story, I have never experienced a disaster before ponder what choices I would l make if l were faced with a similar predicament. Would I cower in a difficult situation.Is it to hide in the shadows and seek shelter refuge from others,or to others, or would I become a big tree steadfast pillar that can shelter shelters others from the wind and rain ? I hope to be as brave as them,willing to let go of the small and adversity? My aspiration is to emulate the bravery of these young heroes, relinquishing my own self-interests to become a great person.

To bravely undertake By embracing my social responsibility.Even if l am one in fourteen billion,I will responsibility with courage and determination, I strive to shine brightly to establish amidst the vast sea of humanity and contribute to the greatness of my great motherland!motherland.

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Ordinary individuals with noble qualities
  - Chongqing motorcycle teenagers

- Background
  - High temperatures causing forest fires
  - Difficult terrain hindering firefighting efforts

- Actions of the heroes
  - Transporting essential equipment on motorcycles
  - Braving steep slopes and exhaustion

- Motivation and impact
  - Love for home and country, sense of duty as youth
  - Courage, responsibility, and love transforming them into extraordinary individuals

- Personal reflection and aspiration
  - Choices in a similar predicament 
  - Emulating bravery and social responsibility to contribute to the greatness of the motherland

9. Keywords