TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: This week, we covered the future of education ina global world We discussed whether schoolsshould focus on equipping students with skillsthat will help them be successful anywhere in theworld. These skills include being respectful ofunfamiliar cultures and studying the history ofthose cultures. In your post, I would like you to discuss whether schools should make it a priorityto prepare students for a global society. Pleaseexplain your opinion. Claire: To not forget my true identity, studentsshould prioritize learning the values cherished intheir local culture. Attempting to cultivate globalcitizens may result in students losing their ownidentities.Only after schools have providedstudents with a solid foundation in the historv oftheir local culture can they then focus on studyingthe histories of other countries. Kelly: Technology has made it easier than everfor people to connect with the world. Therefore,we anticipate that more individuals will work incountries other than their own and benefit fromacquiring global skills that will help them succeedanywhere

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯与衔接: 3 语言使用: 4

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

你的文章在任务完成度方面表现较好，但仍有改进空间。首先，文章中没有提及听力部分的内容，这是托福综合写作任务1的重要组成部分。其次，在表达观点时，可以尝试更具体地引用阅读和听力材料中的例子来支持你的论点。

示例1： 在你的文章中，可以加入这样一句话：“根据听力材料中提到的观点，全球化教育能帮助学生更好地适应不断变化的世界，并为他们提供在国际环境中取得成功所需的技能。”

示例2： 你可以在文章中添加一个具体例子来支持Kelly的观点：“例如，在跨国公司工作时，了解不同文化背景下客户的需求和习惯将有助于建立良好的商业关系。”

4.文章结构与组织 从组织方面来看，你的文章结构不够清晰。建议在开头部分明确介绍主题和论点，在正文部分详细阐述论据，并在结尾部分总结全文。此外，文章中的段落划分需要更加明确，以便突出每个段落的主题。

建议1： 在文章开头部分，可以这样表达：“本文将讨论学校是否应该优先为学生提供全球化教育。通过对比Claire和Kelly的观点，我认为学校应该重视培养学生具备全球竞争力。”

建议2： 在正文部分，可以将论据进行分类，并用不同的段落来阐述。例如：“首先，掌握全球技能有助于学生在职场上取得成功。其次，在文化交流方面，了解其他国家的文化有助于我们吸收优秀经验并改进本地文化。”

5. 语法批改

Although I understand Claire’s stance that students should attain importance to their local culture, my inclination leans toward Kelly’s perspective, emphasizing that individuals can benefit from global skills. As mentioned by Kelly, since there are intense and rapid commercial trades and connections between countries, most companies take international trade and interactions as a crucial part. ThusThus,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) most companies attach importance to people with global skills such as knowledge of foreign languages and cultures, to better negotiate with foreign clients by learning their interests, cultures, and habits. In a nutshell, students with international abilities, undoubtedly, can have bright future careers. Expanding on Kelly’s argument, I would add that to better develop our local culture, we need to study foreign cultures and absorb their experiences. To elaborate, there are some countries with advanced technology, artworks of high quality, and rational policies that ensure citizens’ overall well-being. By learning from their experience and adopting them to improve our local culture, residents can live in a better society with high-quality literature and arts. However, if students refuse to learn from other cultures, their local cultures will be considered conventional and out dated, and finally may be abandoned.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

While I acknowledge Claire's viewpoint that students should prioritize their local culture, I am more inclined towards Kelly's perspective, which emphasizes the benefits of acquiring global skills. As Kelly points out, due to the intense and rapid exchange of commerce and communication between countries, many companies consider international trade and interactions as essential components of their operations. Consequently, these companies value individuals with global skills such as foreign language proficiency and cultural awareness, which enable them to better negotiate with foreign clients by understanding their interests, customs, and habits. In essence, students equipped with international competencies are more likely to have promising career prospects.

Building upon Kelly's argument, I would also contend that in order to further develop our local culture, it is necessary to study foreign cultures and learn from their experiences. For instance, certain countries possess advanced technology, high-quality art forms, and well-structured policies that contribute to the overall well-being of their citizens. By learning from these examples and adapting them to enhance our local culture, residents can enjoy a more prosperous society enriched by refined literature and arts.

On the other hand, if students refuse to engage with other cultures, they risk stagnating their local culture by perpetuating outdated practices and ideas. Ultimately, this could lead to the abandonment of their cultural heritage in favor of more progressive alternatives. Therefore, it is crucial for schools to prioritize preparing students for a global society while still maintaining a strong connection to their local roots. (251 words)

Although Revised Essay with Explanations Inline:

While I understand Claire’s stance acknowledge Claire's viewpoint (revised for clarity and natural tone) that students should attain importance to prioritize their local culture, my inclination leans toward Kelly’s I am more inclined towards Kelly's perspective, emphasizing that individuals can benefit from which emphasizes the benefits of acquiring global skills. As mentioned by Kelly, since there are Kelly points out (revised for natural tone), due to the intense and rapid commercial trades and connections exchange of commerce and communication between countries, most many companies take consider international trade and interactions as a crucial part. Thus most essential components of their operations. Consequently, these companies attach importance to people value individuals with global skills such as knowledge of foreign languages and cultures, language proficiency and cultural awareness (revised for clarity), which enable them to better negotiate with foreign clients by learning understanding their interests, cultures, customs, and habits. In a nutshell, essence (revised for natural tone), students equipped with international abilities, undoubtedly, can competencies are more likely to have bright future careers. Expanding on Kelly’s promising career prospects.

Building upon Kelly's argument, I would add also contend (revised for natural tone) that to better in order to further develop our local culture, we need it is necessary to study foreign cultures and absorb learn from their experiences. To elaborate, there are some For instance (revised for natural tone), certain countries with possess advanced technology, artworks of high quality, and rational high-quality art forms, and well-structured policies that ensure citizens’ contribute to the overall well-being. well-being of their citizens. By learning from their experience and adopting these examples and adapting them to improve enhance our local culture, culture (revised for clarity), residents can live in enjoy a better more prosperous society with high-quality enriched by refined literature and arts. However,

On the other hand, if students refuse to learn from engage with other cultures, their local cultures will be considered conventional and out dated, and finally may be abandoned.(revised for clarity), they risk stagnating their local culture by perpetuating outdated practices and ideas. Ultimately, this could lead to the abandonment of their cultural heritage in favor of more progressive alternatives (revised for clarity). Therefore, it is crucial for schools to prioritize preparing students for a global society while still maintaining a strong connection to their local roots (revised for clarity).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
    - Acknowledge Claire's viewpoint
    - Agree with Kelly's perspective

- Benefits of acquiring global skills
    - International trade and interactions
    - Companies value global skills
        - Foreign language proficiency
        - Cultural awareness
    - Promising career prospects for students with international competencies

- Developing local culture through foreign cultures
    - Learning from advanced technology, art forms, and policies
    - Adapting and enhancing local culture for a prosperous society

- Risks of refusing to engage with other cultures
    - Stagnation of local culture 
        - Outdated practices and ideas 
    - Abandonment of cultural heritage in favor of progressive alternatives 

- Conclusion 
    - Schools should prioritize global society preparation while maintaining local roots connection 

9. Keywords