TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: summerize and explain

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯性和衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求，阅读和听力部分的观点都有涉及。但是，文章在总结听力部分的反驳观点时，有些地方表述不够准确。建议在总结听力部分时更加注意细节，并确保正确理解了讲座中的观点。

例1： 原文：Not surprisingly, the lecturer believes the opposite, and he argues that it may not ends well since teacher who only earn from the class paycheck may not be intrested with these signing bonuese. 改进：The lecturer opposes this view, arguing that providing signing bonuses may not yield positive results because teachers who are only interested in their paycheck might not be truly dedicated to teaching.

例2： 原文：A professional training is essential for even professionals ,since it might be time consuming, and the process could be stressful as well. 改进：The lecturer points out that even professionals need to undergo rigorous training and certification processes, which can be time-consuming and stressful, before they can become effective teachers.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构需要改进。虽然有引言、主体和结论，但段落之间的衔接不够清晰。建议使用更明确的过渡词和短语来帮助读者理解各个段落之间的关系。此外，注意保持一致的时态和语态。

例1： 原文：First and foremost, the authors begins by stating that higher slaries could be the most attracted items to teachers. 改进：First and foremost, the author begins by stating that higher salaries could be the most attractive factor for teachers.

例2： 原文：Moreover, the author also claims that these bonus may help to attract experts that is not originly a teacher. 改进：Moreover, the author claims that these bonuses may help attract experts who are not originally teachers.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage introduces three opinions on stating the beneficial for rising teachers signing bonus, while the lecture argues against all three of them accordingly.

First and foremost, the authors beginsbegin(punctuation + plural noun + singular verb) by stating that higher slariessalaries(misspelling) could be the most attracted items to teachers ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) However, the lecturer says that this statement is flawed, and he goes on to explain that the reputation and facilities of the school could be even more attractive, according to a survey ..(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) When teachers are seeking for a new position, the overall quality of the school might be on the top of their list for a job, which may include standard of measurements such as library abundenceabundance(misspelling) or mordernizaionmodernization(misspelling) level of the computer lab.

Moreover, the author also claims that (Two consecutive spaces)these bonusthis bonus('this' vs. 'these') may help to attract experts that isare(Detects potentially wrong usage of "is") not originlyoriginal(misspelling) a teacher. And the man from the listening, once again, disagrees with thisthese('this' vs. 'these') claims. He says that teachers need to be certified before they actually stand onto the stage. A professional training is essential for even professionals ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)since it might be time consumingtime-consuming(Hyphenated words: time consuming), and the process could be stressful as well.

Last but not least, the author brings his argument to an end by saying that the school should provide new teachers with signing bonuses in ortherother(misspelling) to raise the student-teacher ratio. Not surprisingly, the lecturer believes the opposite, and he argues that it may not endsend(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) well since teacher who only earn from the class paycheck may not be intrestedinterested(misspelling) with these signing bonuesebonus(misspelling).

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage presents three arguments in favor of offering signing bonuses to teachers, while the lecture refutes each of these points.

Firstly, the passage claims that higher salaries are an attractive incentive for teachers. However, the lecturer contends that this statement is flawed, explaining that a school's reputation and facilities can be even more appealing, according to a survey. When teachers search for a new position, they may prioritize the overall quality of the school, which could include factors such as library resources or modern computer labs.

Additionally, the author argues that signing bonuses may help attract industry experts who are not originally teachers. The lecturer disagrees with this claim, stating that teachers need to be certified before they can enter the classroom. Even professionals must undergo extensive training and certification processes which can be time-consuming and stressful.

Lastly, the passage asserts that schools should provide new teachers with signing bonuses to improve the student-teacher ratio. Contrarily, the lecturer believes this approach may not yield positive results since teachers who only focus on their paycheck might not be interested in these bonuses. (186 words)

Revised essay: Section Title: 7.文章批改

The reading passage introduces presents three opinions arguments in favor of offering signing bonuses to teachers, while the lecture refutes each of these points (Changed "opinions on stating the beneficial for rising teachers signing bonus, while the lecture argues against all three bonus" to "arguments in favor of them accordingly. offering signing bonuses to teachers" for clarity and natural English phrasing).

First and foremost, the Firstly, the passage claims that higher salaries are an attractive incentive for teachers (Changed "the authors begins by stating that higher slaries could be the most attracted items to teachers teachers" to improve grammar and clarity). However, the lecturer says contends that this statement is flawed, and he goes on to explain that the explaining that a school's reputation and facilities of the school could can be even more attractive, appealing, according to a survey . survey. When teachers are seeking search for a new position, they may prioritize the overall quality of the school might be on the top of their list for a job, school, which may could include standard of measurements factors such as library abundence resources or mordernizaion level of the modern computer lab. labs (Improved grammar and sentence structure).

Moreover, Additionally, the author also claims that these argues that signing bonuses may help attract industry experts who are not originally teachers (Changed "these bonus may help to attract experts that is not originly a teacher. And the man from the listening, once again, teacher" for grammar and clarity). The lecturer disagrees with this claims. He says claim, stating that teachers need to be certified before they actually stand onto the stage. A professional can enter the classroom. Even professionals must undergo extensive training is essential for even professionals ,since it might be time consuming, and the process could be and certification processes which can be time-consuming and stressful as well. (Improved grammar and sentence structure).

Last but not least, the author brings his argument to an end by saying that the school Lastly, the passage asserts that schools should provide new teachers with signing bonuses in to improve the student-teacher ratio (Changed "in orther to raise the student-teacher ratio. Not surprisingly, raise" to "to improve" for better phrasing). Contrarily, the lecturer believes the opposite, and he argues that it this approach may not ends well yield positive results since teacher teachers who only earn from the class focus on their paycheck may might not be intrested with interested in these signing bonuese.bonuses (Improved grammar and sentence structure).

8. Mind Map

• Introduction

  • Essay structure
  • Lecture points

• Argument 1: Attractive Incentive

  • Passage: Higher salaries attract teachers
  • Lecture: School reputation and facilities matter more

• Argument 2: Attracting Industry Experts

  • Passage: Signing bonuses lure professionals to teaching
  • Lecture: Certification and training required for teaching

• Argument 3: Improving Student-Teacher Ratio

  • Passage: Signing bonuses help hire more teachers
  • Lecture: Teachers focused on pay may not be effective

9. Keywords