TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to how they challenge the specific points made in the reading passage

1.Sub Scores

Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3.Task completeness

The essay does a good job of summarizing the points made in the lecture and showing how they challenge the specific points made in the reading passage. However, there is room for improvement in terms of language use and clarity. To improve task fulfillment, make sure to use more precise language and provide clear explanations for each point.

Example 1: Instead of "While the speaker in lecture states that goods such as rare woods and ivory might initially be brought from South Asia to Ophir, which serving as a trade center, then be sold by the merchants from Ophir to other places." Try "The lecturer argues that Ophir may have been a trading center where goods like rare woods and ivory were first brought from South Asia before being sold by Ophir's merchants to other regions."

Example 2: Instead of "For instance, in acient time, English and Austrilian used the same word to indicate dog, while there is no evidence suggeting these two countries had connections." Try "For example, English speakers and speakers of one native Australian language both use the same word for 'dog,' but there is no historical evidence suggesting early contact between England and Australia that could explain this similarity."

4.Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing each point, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be improved for better coherence.

Example 1: Instead of "To begin with," at the start of your first body paragraph, Try "Firstly," which provides a clearer transition between points.

Example 2: Instead of "Moreover," at the start of your second body paragraph, Try "Secondly," which indicates a clear progression in your argument.

By implementing these suggestions and examples, the essay will show better task fulfillment and improved organization, leading to a higher score on the TOEFL iBT integrated writing Task 1.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage presents three arguments supporting that Ophir was located in South Asia. However, the professor in the lecture finds none of these arguments is convincing.

To begin with, the writer points that goods traded by Ophir's merchants may come from South Asia. While the speaker in lecture states that goods such as rare woods and ivory might initially be brought from South Asia to Ophir, which serving as a trade center, then be sold by the merchants from Ophir to other places.

Moreover, the author mentions that a voyage from Ophir to the easterEaster(misspelling) Mediterranean took a year and a half, suggesting that Ophir could not be located near the Mediterranean. On the other hand, according to the lecture, since acientancient(misspelling) people had to travel along the shore to avoid getting lost and stop frequently, voyage from a closer place to Mediterranean could tooktake(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) such a long time.

Lastly, the reading material suggests that words used in acientancient(misspelling) Mediterranean for Ophir goods are similar to those used in ancient South Asia. In contrast, the lecturer points out that having several words in common is nothing more than coincidence, which could not necessarily prove the connection between Ophir and South Asia. For instance, in acientancient(misspelling) time, English and AustrilianAustralian(misspelling) used the same word to indicate dog, while there is no evidence suggetingsuggesting(misspelling) these two countries had connections.

6. Revised Essay

The reading passage presents three arguments supporting the idea that Ophir was located in South Asia. However, the professor in the lecture finds none of these arguments convincing.

To begin with, the author points out that goods traded by Ophir's merchants may have originated from South Asia. In contrast, the speaker in the lecture states that goods such as rare woods and ivory might initially have been brought from South Asia to Ophir, which served as a trade center, and then sold by merchants from Ophir to other places.

Moreover, the author mentions that a voyage from Ophir to the eastern Mediterranean took a year and a half, suggesting that Ophir could not be located near the Mediterranean. On the other hand, according to the lecture, since ancient people had to travel along the shore to avoid getting lost and stop frequently, a voyage from a closer place to the Mediterranean could have taken such a long time.

Lastly, the reading material suggests that words used in ancient Mediterranean texts for Ophir goods are similar to those used in ancient South Asian languages. In contrast, the lecturer points out that having several words in common is nothing more than coincidence and does not necessarily prove a connection between Ophir and South Asia. For instance, in ancient times, English and Australian speakers used the same word to indicate "dog," while there is no evidence suggesting these two countries had any connections. (243 words)

The reading passage presents three arguments supporting the idea that Ophir was located in South Asia. However, the professor in the lecture finds none of these arguments is convincing.

To begin with, the writer author points out that goods traded by Ophir's merchants may come from South Asia. While have originated from South Asia (changed "may come" to "may have originated" for better clarity). In contrast, the speaker in the lecture states that goods such as rare woods and ivory might initially be have been brought from South Asia to Ophir, which serving served as a trade center, center (changed "which serving" to "which served" for correct verb tense), and then be sold by the merchants from Ophir to other places.

Moreover, the author mentions that a voyage from Ophir to the easter eastern Mediterranean took a year and a half, suggesting that Ophir could not be located near the Mediterranean. On the other hand, according to the lecture, since acient ancient people had to travel along the shore to avoid getting lost and stop frequently, a voyage from a closer place to the Mediterranean could took have taken such a long time. time (changed "could took" to "could have taken" for correct verb tense).

Lastly, the reading material suggests that words used in acient ancient Mediterranean texts for Ophir goods are similar to those used in ancient South Asia. Asian languages (changed "acient" to "ancient" for correct spelling). In contrast, the lecturer points out that having several words in common is nothing more than coincidence, which could coincidence and does not necessarily prove the a connection between Ophir and South Asia. For instance, in acient time, ancient times (changed "acient time" to "ancient times"), English and Austrilian Australian speakers used the same word to indicate dog, "dog," while there is no evidence suggeting suggesting these two countries had connections.any connections (changed "Austrilian" and "suggeting" for correct spelling).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading passage: Ophir in South Asia
  - Lecture: Arguments not convincing

- Argument 1: Goods traded
  - Reading: Originated from South Asia
  - Lecture: Trade center, goods from South Asia to Ophir then sold elsewhere

- Argument 2: Voyage duration
  - Reading: Year and a half, not near Mediterranean
  - Lecture: Shore travel, frequent stops, closer place possible

- Argument 3: Similar words
  - Reading: Ancient Mediterranean texts and South Asian languages
  - Lecture: Coincidence, no connection proven (e.g., English and Australian "dog")

- Conclusion
  - Professor refutes all three arguments from the reading passage

9. Key Words