TOEFL Writing Task 1 Sample: Question: Summarise the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specic points made in the reading passage

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：4 连贯与衔接：4 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章在完成任务方面做得不错。你成功地总结了讲座中提到的观点，并对阅读材料中的论点进行了质疑。然而，为了更好地完成任务，你可以更详细地解释讲座中提到的观点，以便更清楚地说明它们是如何质疑阅读材料中的论点的。

示例1： 原文：“Due to legal and backup reasons, manual transcriptions will continue privately.” 改进：“由于法律和备份原因，医生通常会保留纸质记录作为紧急备份或出于法律要求。”

示例2： 原文：“Eventually, the office staff still need to interpret the message delivered by the doctor and bump into difficulties sometimes with illegible handwriting.” 改进：“最终，办公室工作人员仍然需要解读医生手写的记录，并在无法辨认笔迹时可能遇到困难。”

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构和组织方面表现良好。你使用了引言、正文和结论这三个部分来组织文章。然而，在段落之间加入一些过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。此外，确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句，以便读者更容易理解你的观点。

示例1： 原文：“First, the reading says that digital medical recordings reduce the costs of storing and transferring information manually.” 改进：“首先，阅读材料指出，数字化医疗记录可以降低手动存储和传输信息的成本。然而，讲座中提到的观点对此表示怀疑。”

示例2： 原文：“Secondly, the reading shows that errors like transcription mistakes, illegible handwriting, and informal organizations can be prevented by recording digitally.” 改进：“其次，阅读材料认为通过数字化记录可以避免诸如转录错误、难以辨认的笔迹和非正式组织等问题。尽管如此，讲座中提到的观点对此表示质疑。”

5. 语法批改

(Whitespace repetition (bad formatting))The reading and the lecture are both about recording medical information digitally. The article listed several benefits of the topic, while the lecturer casts doubt on them. (Whitespace repetition (bad formatting))First, the reading says that digital medical recordings reduce the costs of storing and transferring information manually. However, the lecturer indicates that the cost reduction is not significant by implementing digital information recording systems. Due to legal and backup reasons, manual transcriptions will continue privately. Therefore, fees for storing and transferring information still exist in demand. Secondly, the reading shows that errors like transcription mistakes, illegible handwriting, and informal organizations can be prevented by recording digitally. However, the lecturer points out that errors cannot be eliminated by digital recordings. Doctors still record manually during the observation of patients, and the notes are uploaded to the platform by staff afterward. Eventually, the office staff still need to interpret the message delivered by the doctor and bump into difficultiesdifficulties,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) sometimes with illegible handwriting. (Whitespace repetition (bad formatting))Finally, the reading tells that more patients' records could be transferred to digital recording platforms. Ergo, doctors do not need to manually go through the data and draw out the formatted essential information, with access from every location. However, the lecturer does not think so. She argued that there would be no easy access because of strict privacy laws in the United States. According to the law, every patient has the right to block their own information. Consequently, the doctor has to undergo complicated procedures to gain the patients' permission before reaching their information. More seriously, the patient can even reject it.

6.文章修订

The reading and the lecture both discuss the implementation of electronic medical records. While the reading passage enumerates several advantages of adopting digital record-keeping, the lecturer casts doubt on these claims by presenting counterarguments.

Firstly, the reading asserts that digital medical records can significantly reduce costs associated with storage and transfer of information. However, the lecturer contends that cost savings may not be as substantial as suggested. She explains that doctors often retain paper records for legal reasons or as an emergency backup, resulting in continued expenses for storage and transfer of physical documents.

Secondly, the reading posits that errors such as transcription mistakes, illegible handwriting, and informal organization can be mitigated through digital record-keeping. Nevertheless, the lecturer disputes this claim by stating that electronic records cannot entirely eliminate such errors. She points out that doctors typically continue to take notes manually during patient examinations, with office staff later entering this information into electronic systems. Consequently, issues with illegible handwriting may still arise when staff members attempt to interpret and transcribe doctors' handwritten notes.

Lastly, the reading suggests that digital medical records could facilitate medical research by enabling easier access to large amounts of patient data. Contrarily, the lecturer argues that researchers would still face difficulties in accessing and utilizing this information due to stringent privacy laws in the United States. These laws grant patients the right to withhold their medical information from being used for purposes other than their own treatment. As a result, researchers must navigate complex procedures and obtain numerous permissions before they can access electronic medical records – a process which may ultimately prove fruitless if patients choose to deny permission.

In light of these counterarguments presented by the lecturer, it becomes evident that the purported benefits of electronic medical record systems may not be as advantageous as initially claimed in the reading passage. (309 words)

7.文章批改

The reading and the lecture are both about recording medical information digitally. The article listed discuss the implementation of electronic medical records. While the reading passage enumerates several benefits of the topic, while advantages of adopting digital record-keeping, the lecturer casts doubt on them. ¶ First, the reading says these claims by presenting counterarguments. (Revised for clarity and coherence)

Firstly, the reading asserts that digital medical recordings records can significantly reduce the costs of storing and transferring information manually. associated with storage and transfer of information. However, the lecturer indicates that the contends that cost reduction is savings may not significant by implementing digital information recording systems. Due to be as substantial as suggested (Revised for a more formal tone). She explains that doctors often retain paper records for legal and backup reasons, manual transcriptions will continue privately. Therefore, fees for storing and transferring information still exist reasons or as an emergency backup, resulting in demand. continued expenses for storage and transfer of physical documents (Revised to improve sentence structure).

Secondly, the reading shows posits that errors like such as transcription mistakes, illegible handwriting, and informal organizations organization can be prevented mitigated through digital record-keeping. Nevertheless, the lecturer disputes this claim by recording digitally. However, the lecturer stating that electronic records cannot entirely eliminate such errors (Revised to maintain a consistent formal tone). She points out that errors cannot be eliminated by digital recordings. Doctors still record doctors typically continue to take notes manually during the observation of patients, and the notes are uploaded to the platform by staff afterward. Eventually, the patient examinations, with office staff still need to interpret the message delivered by the doctor and bump later entering this information into difficulties sometimes electronic systems (Revised for clarity). Consequently, issues with illegible handwriting. ¶ Finally, the reading tells that more patients' handwriting may still arise when staff members attempt to interpret and transcribe doctors' handwritten notes (Revised to improve sentence structure).

Lastly, the reading suggests that digital medical records could be transferred to digital recording platforms. Ergo, doctors do not need to manually go through the data and draw out the formatted essential information, with facilitate medical research by enabling easier access from every location. However, to large amounts of patient data. Contrarily, the lecturer does not think so. She argued that there argues that researchers would be no easy access because of strict still face difficulties in accessing and utilizing this information due to stringent privacy laws in the United States. According to the law, every patient has States (Revised for a more formal tone). These laws grant patients the right to block withhold their medical information from being used for purposes other than their own information. Consequently, the doctor has to undergo complicated treatment (Revised for clarity). As a result, researchers must navigate complex procedures to gain the patients' and obtain numerous permissions before they can access electronic medical records – a process which may ultimately prove fruitless if patients choose to deny permission before reaching their information. More seriously, the patient can even reject it.(Revised to improve sentence structure).

In light of these counterarguments presented by the lecturer, it becomes evident that the purported benefits of electronic medical record systems may not be as advantageous as initially claimed in the reading passage (Revised for clarity and coherence).

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Electronic medical records
  • Reading passage: advantages
  • Lecture: counterarguments

• Point 1: Cost reduction

  • Reading: significant savings
  • Lecture: not substantial, paper records retained

• Point 2: Error prevention

  • Reading: mitigated errors (transcription, handwriting, organization)
  • Lecture: cannot eliminate errors, manual notes still taken

• Point 3: Facilitating research

  • Reading: easier access to data
  • Lecture: difficulties due to privacy laws, permissions required

• Conclusion

  • Counterarguments from lecture cast doubt on reading passage claims

9.关键词