TOEFL Writing Task 1 Sample: Directions: You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of the quality of your writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and their relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，文章较好地完成了任务要求，概括了听力中的观点，并解释了它们如何对阅读材料提出的观点产生质疑。但是，有一些建议可以帮助改进文章：

1. 在引述听力观点时，尽量使用更多的同义词或短语，以避免重复使用相同的词汇。

2. 注意语法错误和不自然的表达，这些可能会影响读者理解文章内容。

示例：

• 原文：“They carelessly supplied the lead in a sloppy way, which accidentally make the lead ran down into the can and contaminated the foods.” 改进后：“They carelessly applied the lead, causing it to accidentally run down into the can and contaminate the food.”

• 原文：“Therefore, they might overlooked and applied other factors to explain their uncomfortableness.” 改进后：“Therefore, they might have overlooked it and attributed their discomfort to other factors.”

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面表现良好，有明确的引言、主体和结论。每段都集中讨论一个具体观点，并提供支持细节。在段落和观点之间也有清晰的过渡。然而，有一些建议可以帮助改进文章：

1. 在引言部分简要介绍阅读和听力材料的主题，以便为文章提供背景信息。

2. 在段落之间使用更多的过渡词或短语，以增强文章的连贯性。

示例：

• 原文：“The reading passage proposes three explanations in an attempt to dispute the point that the cause of death to British naval crew is lead substances from canned food, however, the lecturer holds opposite viewpoint towards these explanations, asserting that the canned food is the attributor of crew death.” 改进后：“The reading passage proposes three explanations to dispute the idea that lead from canned food caused the death of British naval crew members. However, the lecturer opposes these explanations and asserts that canned food was indeed responsible for their deaths.”

• 原文：“Contrasting to the ideas presents in the reading that...” 改进后：“In contrast to the ideas presented in the reading...”

5. 语法批改

The reading passage proposes three explanations in an attempt to dispute the point that the cause of death to British naval crew is lead substances from canned food, however, the lecturer holds opposite viewpoint towards these explanations, asserting that the canned food is the attributorattributed(misspelling) of crew death.

Firstly, the reading states that melted lead only used for small quantity and for the purpose of seal the lids outside ofoutside(outside of (outside)) the package, it is unlikely to contact with the food inside the can. Nevertheless, the lecturer maintains that workers who manufactured cans were under huge pressure of dealing huge amounts of products at a short time. They carelessly supplied the lead in a sloppy way, which accidentally make the lead ran down into the can and contaminated the foods.

Contrasting to the ideas presents in the reading that the cause of death is unlikely triggered by sealed cans since there was no report from other boat using same food supplies, the speakers contendscontend(punctuation + plural noun + singular verb) that crew members at other boats were not received testto test(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) for poison caused by the lead. It is difficult to recognize whether crew members were poison or notnot,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) since at that time they were always characterized by having tiredness and headache. Therefore, they might overlookedoverlook(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) and applied other factors to explain their uncomfortablenesscomfortableness(misspelling).

Finally, Whilewhile(Checks wrong uppercase spelling of words that are not proper nouns) the writer provides a plausible explanation that the water purification system with lead pipping might be responsible for crew death, the professor disagrees with this idea. Instead, the water purification system was used for purifying the salt water for steamthe steam(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) powered engine, and crew membersmember's(This rule identifies whether there is a missing apostrophe before an 's'.) daily usage of water was depends on a separate system, which further contradicts the idea presented in the reading.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage presents three arguments to refute the idea that lead poisoning from canned food caused the death of the British naval crew. However, the lecturer contradicts these points and maintains that canned food was indeed responsible for the crew's demise.

Firstly, the reading claims that a small amount of melted lead was used to seal the lids on cans, making it unlikely for the lead to come into contact with the food inside. In contrast, the lecturer asserts that workers who produced these cans were under immense pressure to complete a large volume of work in a short time. Consequently, they applied the lead carelessly, causing it to run down into the cans and contaminate the food.

Secondly, while the reading suggests that canned food could not have caused lead poisoning since no reports were made from other ships using similar supplies, the lecturer contends that crew members on other vessels were not tested for lead poisoning. Identifying lead poisoning was difficult at that time due to its symptoms—tiredness and headaches—being easily overlooked or attributed to other causes. Thus, it is possible that sailors on other ships did experience lead poisoning from canned food but went undetected and unreported.

Lastly, although the writer proposes a plausible explanation attributing crew deaths to water purification systems with lead piping, the professor disagrees with this notion. The water purification systems were primarily used for converting saltwater into freshwater for steam engines rather than for drinking or cooking purposes. Crew members relied on a separate system for their daily water needs, which further undermines the argument presented in the reading passage. (272 words)

Section Title: 7.文章批改

The reading passage proposes presents three explanations in an attempt to dispute the point that the cause arguments to refute the idea (change "dispute the point" to "refute the idea" for better clarity) that lead poisoning from canned food caused the death of death to the British naval crew is lead substances from canned food, however, crew. However, the lecturer holds contradicts these points (change "holds opposite viewpoint towards these explanations, asserting that the explanations" to "contradicts these points" for better flow) and maintains that canned food is the attributor of crew death. was indeed responsible for the crew's demise.

Firstly, the reading states that claims that a small amount of melted lead only was used for small quantity and for the purpose of to seal the lids outside of the package, on cans, making it is unlikely to for the lead to come into contact with the food inside the can. Nevertheless, inside. In contrast, the lecturer maintains asserts that workers who manufactured produced these cans were under huge immense pressure (change "huge pressure" to "immense pressure" for better word choice) to complete a large volume of dealing huge amounts of products at work in a short time. They Consequently, they applied the lead carelessly supplied the lead in a sloppy way, which accidentally make the lead ran (change "supplied...sloppy way" to "applied...carelessly" for better clarity), causing it to run down into the can and contaminated the foods. cans and contaminate the food.

Contrasting to the ideas presents in Secondly, while the reading that the cause of death is unlikely triggered by sealed cans suggests that canned food could not have caused lead poisoning since there was no report reports were made from other boat ships using same food similar supplies, the speakers lecturer contends that crew members at other boats on other vessels were not received test for poison caused by the lead. It is tested for lead poisoning. Identifying lead poisoning was difficult to recognize whether crew members were poison at that time due to its symptoms—tiredness and headaches—being easily overlooked or not since at that time they were always characterized by having tiredness and headache. Therefore, they attributed to other causes (change "they might overlooked and applied other factors to explain their uncomfortableness. factors..." to "...attributed to other causes" for better clarity). Thus, it is possible that sailors on other ships did experience lead poisoning from canned food but went undetected and unreported.

Finally, While Lastly, although the writer provides proposes a plausible explanation that the attributing crew deaths to water purification system systems with lead pipping might be responsible for crew death, piping, the professor disagrees with this idea. Instead, the notion (change "idea" to "notion" to avoid repetition). The water purification systems were primarily used for converting saltwater into freshwater for steam engines rather than for drinking or cooking purposes. Crew members relied on a separate system was used for purifying the salt for their daily water for steam powered engine, and crew members daily usage of water was depends on a separate system, needs, which further contradicts the idea undermines the argument presented in the reading.reading passage.

8. Mind Map

• Introduction

  • Reading passage arguments
  • Lecturer's counterarguments

• Argument 1: Lead sealing

  • Reading: Small amount, unlikely contact with food
  • Lecture: Careless application, contamination

• Argument 2: No reports from other ships

  • Reading: No reported cases on other ships
  • Lecture: Lack of testing, overlooked symptoms

• Argument 3: Water purification systems

  • Reading: Lead piping in water systems caused poisoning
  • Lecture: Separate system for drinking water, not the cause

9. Keywords

Section Title: 6. Article Revision

The reading passage presents three arguments to refute the idea that lead poisoning from canned food caused the death of the British naval crew. However, the lecturer contradicts these points and maintains that canned food was indeed responsible for the crew's demise.

Firstly, the reading claims that a small amount of melted lead was used to seal the lids on cans, making it unlikely for the lead to come into contact with the food inside. In contrast, the lecturer asserts that workers who produced these cans were under immense pressure to complete a large volume of work in a short time. Consequently, they applied the lead carelessly, causing it to run down into the cans and contaminate the food.

Secondly, while the reading suggests that canned food could not have caused lead poisoning since no reports were made from other ships using similar supplies, the lecturer contends that crew members on other vessels were not tested for lead poisoning. Identifying lead poisoning was difficult at that time due to its symptoms—tiredness and headaches—being easily overlooked or attributed to other causes. Thus, it is possible that sailors on other ships did experience lead poisoning from canned food but went undetected and unreported.

Lastly, although the writer proposes a plausible explanation attributing crew deaths to water purification systems with lead piping, the professor disagrees with this notion. The water purification systems were primarily used for converting saltwater into freshwater for steam engines rather than for drinking or cooking purposes. Crew members relied on a separate system for their daily water needs, which further undermines the argument presented in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现得相当不错。作者成功地总结了听力部分的观点，并与阅读部分的理论进行了对比。然而，文章在语言使用方面有待提高。有些句子表达不够准确，导致意思不够明确。建议在写作时更加注意语言的准确性和流畅性。

示例1： 原文：The water near Malta has to flow down hill and up hill for several times before arriving at the farmland, indicating that the grooves cannot be irrigation channels. 修改：The water in Malta would have to flow downhill and uphill several times before reaching the farmland, which indicates that the grooves could not have functioned as irrigation channels.

示例2： 原文：Instead of straight channels which reveal the connection between the sun and planets, these grooves have channels changed directions for many times. 修改：Unlike straight channels that demonstrate a connection between the sun and planets, these grooves change directions multiple times, making it unlikely for them to serve an astronomical purpose.

4.文章结构与组织 本篇文章的结构和组织方面表现良好。作者采用了清晰的段落划分，每个段落都集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供了支持细节。然而，在段落之间的过渡方面还有待加强。建议在写作时更加注意使用过渡词汇和短语，以提高文章的连贯性和一致性。

示例1： 原文：Secondly, the reading suggests that the groves might be tracks made by wheeled vehicles. 修改：Moreover, the reading passage suggests that the grooves might have been tracks created by wheeled vehicles.

示例2： 原文：Lastly, the reading posits that the grooves may have been constructed for astronomical purpose like other grooves found in Europe. 修改：Furthermore, the reading passage posits that the grooves may have been constructed for astronomical purposes, similar to other grooves found in Europe.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage presents three theories to explain the origin of the grooves in Malta, while the lecturer argues that none of the theories can be considered as the origin of them. Firstly, the reading mentions that the grooves served as channels to carry water, to irrigate crops in Malta. However, the lecturer contends that the irrigation channels require water flowing down the lake nearbynearby,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which geographical condition doesn't exist in Malta. The water near Malta has to flow down hill and up hill for several times before arriving at the farmland, indicating that the grooves cannot be irrigation channels. Secondly, the reading suggests that the groves might be tracks made by wheeled vehicles. Additionally, the soft rock consisted in Maltese limestones enabled the tracks deeper than similar tracks found in other locations. The lecturer challenges this idea by arguing that the lack of animal trace in the groves make this suggestion unsettled, as the ancient carts always pull by animals. Lastly, the reading posits that the grooves may have been constructed for astronomical purposepurpose,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) like other grooves found in Europe. The lecturer disputes this assertion by stating that thisthese('this' vs. 'these') grooves are different from others which have astronomical purpose. Instead of straight channels which reveal the connection between the sun and planets, these grooves have channels changed directions for many times. Thus, these grooves cannot be recognized as structures to observe astronomy.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage presents three theories to explain the origin of the grooves in Malta, while the lecturer argues that none of the theories can be considered as the origin of them. Firstly, the reading mentions that the grooves served as channels to carry water, to irrigate crops in Malta. However, the lecturer contends that the irrigation channels require water flowing down from a lake nearby which geographical condition doesn't exist in Malta. The water near Malta has to flow downhill and uphill for several times before arriving at the farmland, indicating that the grooves cannot be irrigation channels.

Secondly, the reading suggests that the groves might be tracks made by wheeled vehicles. Additionally, the soft rock consisting of Maltese limestone enabled the tracks to be deeper than similar tracks found in other locations. The lecturer challenges this idea by arguing that the lack of animal trace in the groves makes this suggestion unsettled, as ancient carts were always pulled by animals.

Lastly, the reading posits that the grooves may have been constructed for astronomical purposes like other grooves found in Europe. The lecturer disputes this assertion by stating that these grooves are different from others which have astronomical purposes. Instead of straight channels which reveal connections between celestial bodies such as sun and planets, these grooves have channels changing directions many times. Thus, these grooves cannot be recognized as structures for astronomical observations. (237 words)

The reading passage presents three theories to explain the origin of the grooves in Malta, while the lecturer argues that none of the theories can be considered as the their origin of them. ¶ (changed "the origin of them" to "their origin" for better flow). Firstly, the reading mentions that the grooves served as channels to carry water, to irrigate crops in Malta. However, the lecturer contends that the for irrigation channels require to work, water flowing must flow down the from a nearby lake nearby which – a geographical condition that doesn't exist in Malta. Malta (rephrased for clarity). The water near Malta has to flow down hill downhill and up hill for uphill several times before arriving at the farmland, indicating that the grooves cannot be irrigation channels.

Secondly, the reading suggests that the groves might be tracks made by wheeled vehicles. Additionally, the soft rock consisted in consisting of Maltese limestones limestone enabled (changed "consisted in" to "consisting of" for proper grammar) the tracks to be deeper than similar tracks found in other locations. The lecturer challenges this idea by arguing that the lack of animal trace traces in the groves make makes this suggestion unsettled, as the unsettled (changed "trace" to "traces" and "unsettled" for better word choice), as ancient carts were always pull pulled by animals.

Lastly, the reading posits that the grooves may have been constructed for astronomical purpose purposes like other grooves found in Europe. The lecturer disputes this assertion by stating that this these grooves are different from others which have astronomical purpose. purposes. Instead of straight channels which reveal the connection connections between the celestial bodies such as sun and planets, planets (added details for clarity), these grooves have channels changed changing directions for many times. Thus, these grooves cannot be recognized as structures to observe astronomy.for astronomical observations (changed "observe astronomy" to "astronomical observations" for better word choice).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading passage: three theories for grooves in Malta
  - Lecturer: none of the theories are correct

- Theory 1: Irrigation Channels
  - Reading: grooves carried water for crops
  - Lecturer: no nearby lake, water must flow uphill and downhill

- Theory 2: Wheeled Vehicle Tracks
  - Reading: soft Maltese limestone made tracks deeper
  - Lecturer: no animal traces, ancient carts pulled by animals

- Theory 3: Astronomical Purposes
  - Reading: similar to other European grooves with astronomical purposes
  - Lecturer: Malta's grooves change direction, not straight channels for celestial observations

- Conclusion
  - None of the theories can explain the origin of Malta's grooves.

9. Keywords

6. Essay Revision

The reading passage presents three theories to explain the origin of the grooves in Malta, while the lecturer argues that none of them can be considered as their origin. Firstly, the reading mentions that the grooves served as channels to carry water, irrigating crops in Malta. However, the lecturer contends that irrigation channels require water flowing down

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 3 Coherence and Cohesion: 3 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，文章回答了题目要求的问题，但在一些方面还有待改进。首先，在引用阅读材料的观点时，需要更准确地表达原文的意思。其次，在论述听力部分的观点时，可以更详细地解释为什么这些观点对阅读材料产生质疑。最后，在语言使用方面，需要注意词汇和语法的准确性。

例1： 原文：The lecturer counter the statement in the reading passage through 3 powerful points and sufficient evidences. 修改：The lecturer counters the statements in the reading passage by presenting three strong points with sufficient evidence.

例2： 原文：However, the lecturer disagree this opinion for the bacteria wouldn't dominant the ocean system... 修改：However, the lecturer disagrees with this opinion, stating that the bacteria would not dominate the ocean system...

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构可以进一步优化。首先，引言部分可以更简洁明了地概括阅读和听力材料之间的关系。其次，在正文部分，每个段落应该专注于一个具体的论点，并提供足够的细节支持这个论点。最后，在结论部分，需要总结文章中讨论过的观点，并明确表达听力材料对阅读材料的质疑。

例1： 原文：The reading passage explores the problem of whether using the bacteria to clean up the oil spill is problematic. 修改：The reading passage discusses the potential problems of using bacteria to clean up oil spills, while the lecture counters these arguments.

例2： 原文：Firstly, the article writer propose that... 修改：In the first point, the reading passage argues that... However, the lecturer refutes this by stating that...

5. 语法批改

The reading passage explores the problem of whether using the bacteria to clean up the oil spill is problematic. The lecturer counter the statement in the reading passage through 3 powerful points and sufficient evidences. Firstly, the article writer proposeproposes(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) that the bacterial population would drastically increasedbe increased(it would (be) appreciated) by feeding on oil spill, and bacteria will stall in the area after the cleaning. However, the lecturer disagreedisagrees(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) this opinion for the bacteria wouldn't dominant the ocean system, this is because the bacteria is fed on a single resource-the oil, also, after clean up the oil spill, bacteria would dieddie(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) up. Secondly, the article writer posits that the bacteria at oil spill site is given extra nutrientsnutrients,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which permits them to grow. On the contrary, the lecturer states that compare with the damage ofdamage to(Collocation: damage of/to) oil spill the drawback from bacteria's growth can be ignored, for the traditional methods are slow, and the oil must stay in sea for a long time which caused a long lastinglong-lasting(Hyphenated words: long lasting) damage. Moreover, the lecturer considerconsiders(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) an effective ecosystem should re-balance the environment quickly. Finally, the lecturer counter with the oil companies would keep carefully prevent the oil spill accidents whereas the article supposed the companies wouldn't pay attention to precaution for the solution with bacteria is cheap and efficient, the lecturer concur that even the cost of bacteria cleaning is lower, they have to afford other cost for the oil spill such as the transportation. In another word, there are still many motivationmany motivations(Possible agreement error: 'many/several/few' + singular countable noun) for them to prevent the accidents. In conclusion, the lecturer clearly identifies the weaknesses in the reading passage and convincing lyLY(misspelling) shows that the central argument in the reading, oppose the bacteria cleaningcleaning,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) is incorrect.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage discusses the potential issues with using bacteria to clean up oil spills, while the lecture counters these concerns with three strong points and ample evidence. Firstly, the reading suggests that a dramatic increase in bacterial population due to feeding on oil spills could lead to these bacteria dominating the area after cleanup. However, the lecturer disagrees, stating that bacteria would not dominate the ocean ecosystem since they rely on a single resource - oil. Once the oil spill is cleaned up, the bacteria would die off.

Secondly, the reading posits that providing extra nutrients for bacteria at oil spill sites would promote their growth. In contrast, the lecturer argues that compared to the damage caused by oil spills, any drawbacks from bacterial growth can be overlooked. Traditional cleanup methods are slow and allow oil to remain in the sea for extended periods, causing long-lasting damage. Furthermore, an effective ecosystem should be able to rebalance itself quickly.

Lastly, while the reading claims that companies might become less cautious about preventing spills if they believe bacteria can clean them up cheaply and efficiently, the lecturer counters this by stating that even if bacterial cleanup costs are lower, companies still have to bear other expenses related to oil spills such as transportation costs. In other words, there are still plenty of incentives for them to prevent accidents.

Overall, the lecturer effectively identifies weaknesses in the reading passage's argument and convincingly demonstrates that opposing bacterial cleanup is not well-founded. (251 words)

The reading passage explores the problem of whether discusses the potential issues with using the bacteria to clean up the oil spill is problematic. The lecturer counter the statement oil spills, while the lecture counters these concerns with three strong points and ample evidence (Changed "problematic" to "potential issues" and "powerful points and sufficient evidences" to "three strong points and ample evidence" for better clarity and word choice). Firstly, the reading suggests that a dramatic increase in the reading passage through 3 powerful points and sufficient evidences. Firstly, the article writer propose that the bacterial population would drastically increased by due to feeding on oil spill, and bacteria will stall in spills could lead to these bacteria dominating the area after the cleaning. cleanup. However, the lecturer disagree this opinion for the bacteria wouldn't dominant disagrees, stating that bacteria would not dominate the ocean system, this is because the bacteria is fed ecosystem since they rely on a single resource-the oil, also, after clean up the oil spill, resource - oil (Rephrased for better clarity). Once the oil spill is cleaned up, the bacteria would died up. die off (Changed "died up" to "die off" for correct grammar).

Secondly, the article writer reading posits that the bacteria at oil spill site is given providing extra nutrients which permits them to grow. On the contrary, for bacteria at oil spill sites would promote their growth. In contrast, the lecturer states that compare with argues that compared to the damage of oil spill the drawback caused by oil spills, any drawbacks from bacteria's bacterial growth can be ignored, for the traditional overlooked (Changed "ignored" to "overlooked" for better word choice). Traditional cleanup methods are slow, and the oil must stay slow and allow oil to remain in the sea for a long time which caused a long lasting extended periods, causing long-lasting damage. Moreover, the lecturer consider Furthermore, an effective ecosystem should re-balance the environment quickly. Finally, be able to rebalance itself quickly (Rephrased for better clarity).

Lastly, while the reading claims that companies might become less cautious about preventing spills if they believe bacteria can clean them up cheaply and efficiently, the lecturer counter with the oil counters this by stating that even if bacterial cleanup costs are lower, companies would keep carefully prevent the oil spill accidents whereas the article supposed the companies wouldn't pay attention to precaution for the solution with bacteria is cheap and efficient, the lecturer concur that even the cost of bacteria cleaning is lower, they still have to afford bear other cost for the oil spill expenses related to oil spills such as the transportation. transportation costs (Rephrased for better clarity). In another word, other words, there are still many motivation plenty of incentives for them to prevent the accidents. In conclusion,

Overall, the lecturer clearly effectively identifies the weaknesses in the reading passage and convincing ly shows that the central passage's argument in the reading, oppose the bacteria cleaning and convincingly demonstrates that opposing bacterial cleanup is incorrect.not well-founded (Changed "incorrect" to "not well-founded" for better word choice).

8. Mind Map

9. Keywords

Section Title: 6. Article Revision

The reading passage discusses the potential issues with using bacteria to clean up oil spills, while the lecture counters these concerns with three strong points and ample evidence. Firstly, the reading suggests that a dramatic increase in bacterial population due to feeding on oil spills could lead to these bacteria dominating the area after cleanup. However, the lecturer disagrees, stating that bacteria would not dominate the ocean ecosystem since they rely on a single resource - oil. Once the oil spill is cleaned up, the bacteria would die off.

Secondly, the reading posits that providing extra nutrients for bacteria at oil spill sites would promote their growth. In contrast, the lecturer argues that compared to the damage caused by oil spills, any drawbacks from bacterial growth can be overlooked. Traditional cleanup methods are slow and allow oil to remain in the sea for extended periods, causing long-lasting damage. Furthermore, an effective ecosystem should be able to rebalance itself quickly.

Lastly, while the reading claims that companies might become less cautious about preventing spills if they believe bacteria can clean them up cheaply and efficiently, the lecturer counters this by stating that even if bacterial cleanup costs are lower, companies still have to bear other expenses related to oil spills such as transportation costs. In other words, there are still plenty of incentives for them to prevent accidents.

Overall, the lecturer effectively identifies weaknesses in the reading passage's argument and convincingly demonstrates that opposing bacterial cleanup is not well-founded.