TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class sociology. Write a post responding to the professor's question.
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Dr. Achebe
As of this semester, I have embarked on a study to explore the various factors influencing children's cognition. It's becoming increasingly evident that a child's surroundings can significantly impact their development. In sight of this, the question arises: should parents allow their children to watch online videos, whether for entertainment or educational purposes? Please share your insights on this matter, considering the potential effects on a child's cognitive growth.
Paul
We should not allow young children, especially those under two years old, to watch videos. It's crucial for their development to engage in real-life communication with others during this critical period. Watching videos doesn't provide the opportunity for meaningful interaction. Even for older children, it's essential to prioritize physical activity over extended screen time. Instead of sitting still in front of screens, they should be encouraged to stay active to support their overall well-being.
Claire
I agree that very young children shouldn't be exposed to videos. However, I believe that older children can benefit from watching certain videos, especially those that showcase animals or provide unique insights not easily encountered in everyday life. These videos can be educational and expand their horizons by offering a window intoexperiences they might not otherwise have access to.
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I'm inclined to agree with Paul and Claire’s point of view that very young children are not supposed to watch online videos. Because they are too young to understand some information in the videos and watching videos may do harm to their eyes. As for older children, i agree with the Paul that they should go to outside to experience the real world, which helps them to broaden their horizons and get interaction with other people. Besides, children may watch more cartoon instead of educational videos for entertainment because parents are busy. Sometime there is some bad information to mislead the children. In short, I think the children should not watch videos regardless of their age.
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5
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Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
22. 3 任务完成度
你的文章在回答问题方面基本上做得不错，但是在论述和论证方面还有待加强。首先，你需要更详细地解释为什么年幼的孩子不应该观看在线视频，以及这对他们的认知发展有什么具体影响。此外，在支持自己观点时，可以举一些具体的例子或研究来增强说服力。
示例1： Instead of simply stating that watching videos may harm their eyes, you could provide more specific information, such as studies showing that excessive screen time can lead to vision problems in young children.
示例2： When discussing the potential negative effects of watching videos on children's cognitive development, you could mention research findings that indicate a lack of social interaction and physical activity can hinder their growth in various aspects.
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织方面需要改进。虽然你的文章包括了引言、正文和结论，但是各段落之间缺乏明确的过渡和联系。建议在段落之间添加过渡句子，使文章更加连贯。同时，在正文部分可以将观点进行分类讨论，使文章结构更加清晰。
示例1： To improve the transition between paragraphs, you could add a sentence like "While it is true that some online videos can be educational, there are several reasons why children should not watch them."
示例2： In the body of your essay, you could organize your points by discussing the negative effects of watching videos on young children in one paragraph and then focusing on older children in another paragraph. This would make your essay more logically structured and easier to follow.
5. 语法批改
I'm inclined to agree with Paul and Claire’s point of view that very young children are not supposed to watch online videos. Because they are too young to understand some information in the videos and watching videos may do harm to their eyes. As for older children, iI(i vs. I) agree with the Paul that they should go to outsidego outside(Collocation: go to home (go home)) to experience the real world, which helps them to broaden their horizons and get interaction with other people. Besides, children may watch more cartoon instead of educational videos for entertainment because parents are busy. SometimeSometimes(sometime vs sometimes) there is some bad information to mislead the children. In short, I think the children should not watch videos regardless of their age.
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In response to Dr. Achebe's inquiry, I concur with both Paul and Claire that very young children should not be exposed to online videos. At such a tender age, they lack the cognitive ability to comprehend complex information and excessive screen time may adversely affect their eyesight. For older children, I support Paul's assertion that engaging in real-world experiences and social interactions is crucial for broadening their horizons. Furthermore, it is worth noting that unsupervised access to online content may lead to exposure to inappropriate material or excessive consumption of entertainment rather than educational content. Therefore, it is imperative for parents to carefully monitor and regulate their children's screen time, regardless of age. (118 words)
I'm inclined to agree Revised essay: Section Title: 7 Article Revision
I concur with Paul and Claire’s point of view Claire's perspective that very young children are should not supposed to watch online videos. Because videos, as they are too young to understand some information in the videos (reason: clarity and emphasis) and watching videos may do harm to their eyes. eyes (reason: rephrasing for a more natural tone). As for older children, i I agree with the Paul that they should go to outside to experience the real world, world (reason: correcting grammar), which helps them to broaden their horizons and get interaction interact with other people. people (reason: simplifying for clarity). Besides, children may watch more cartoon cartoons instead of educational videos for entertainment because parents are busy. Sometime busy (reason: specifying the type of content). Sometimes there is some bad information to that can mislead the children. children (reason: rephrasing for clarity). In short, I think the children should not watch videos regardless of their age.age (reason: maintaining consistency in tone and style).
8 思维导图
1. 引言
- Dr. Achebe的询问
- 同意Paul和Claire的观点
2. 幼儿阶段
- 认知能力不足
- 视力受损风险
3. 较大儿童阶段
- 重要性实际体验和社交互动
- 拓宽视野
4. 网络内容监管问题
- 不适当内容风险
- 过度消费娱乐内容问题
5. 家长责任与作用
- 监控孩子的屏幕时间使用情况
- 适度调整和规范屏幕时间安排
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| cognitive | /ˈkɒɡnɪtɪv/ | adjective | relating to the mental process of knowing, including aspects such as awareness, perception, reasoning, and judgment | 认知的；认识的；感知的 | At such a tender age, they lack the cognitive ability to comprehend complex information. |
| adversely | /ædˈvɜːsli/ | adverb | in a harmful or negative way; unfavorably | 不利地；有害地；相反地 | Excessive screen time may adversely affect their eyesight. |
| assertion | /əˈsɜːʃən/ | noun | a confident and forceful statement of fact or belief | 主张；断言；声称 | I support Paul's assertion that engaging in real-world experiences and social interactions is crucial for broadening their horizons. |
| unsupervised | /ˌʌnˈsuːpərvaɪzd/ | adjective | not watched or controlled by someone in authority, especially to make sure that nothing bad happens | 无人监管的；未受监督的 | Unsupervised access to online content may lead to exposure to inappropriate material. |
| imperative | /ɪmˈperətɪv/ | adjective/noun | absolutely necessary or required; unavoidable; something that demands attention or action; an unavoidable obligation or requirement; necessity | 必要的；紧急的；命令式的 / 必要性；紧急性；命令 | It is imperative for parents to carefully monitor and regulate their children's screen time, regardless of age. |
| monitor | /ˈmɒnɪtər/ | verb/noun | to watch closely and frequently; to observe and check the progress or quality of (something) over a period of time; keep under systematic review; a person who observes a process or activity to check that it is carried out fairly or correctly, especially in an official capacity | 监控；监测 / 监视器；监控者 | Parents should monitor their children's screen time usage. |
| regulate | /ˈreɡjuleɪt/ | verb | to control something, especially by making it work in a particular way | 调整；调节；管理 | Parents need to regulate their children's screen time. |
| exposure | /ɪkˈspəʊʒər/ | noun | the fact of experiencing something or being affected by it because of being in a particular situation or place | 暴露；接触；曝光 | Exposure to inappropriate material may have negative effects on children. |
| consumption | /kənˈsʌm(p)ʃ(ə)n/ | noun | the using up of a resource; the action of using something or the state of being used | 消费；消耗；使用 | Excessive consumption of entertainment rather than educational content can be harmful. |
| horizons | /həˈrʌɪz(ə)n/ | noun | the limit of a person's knowledge, experience, or interest; the range of things that can be seen from a particular place | 视野；眼界；范围 | Engaging in real-world experiences and social interactions is crucial for broadening their horizons. |
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