TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on public activity. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章较好地完成了任务要求，表达了作者对于捐赠给国际慈善机构的支持。但是，有一些方面可以改进。首先，在提到本地慈善机构可能存在欺诈行为时，可以给出更具体的例子或数据来支持观点。其次，在讨论国际慈善机构的优势时，可以提供更多详细的信息和实例来说明它们如何解决全球问题。

Example 1: Instead of "the visible information is not always convincing, they may cheat the donators.", you could write "There have been cases where local charities misused the funds they received, such as the XYZ Charity scandal in 2010, where a significant portion of donations was used for personal gains."

Example 2: Instead of "With international influence, the charities are able to help about the global issues, such as climate change or nature disasters in the other countries.", you could write "International charities like UNICEF or Oxfam have implemented large-scale projects addressing global issues like climate change by supporting renewable energy initiatives and providing disaster relief to affected countries."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织上还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，引言部分可以更明确地表达作者的观点，以便读者一开始就能了解文章的主题。其次，在正文部分，可以使用更清晰的过渡词或短语来连接不同观点和段落。

Example 1: Instead of "In response to Dr. Achebe’s intriguing query, I appreciate Andrew’s opinion that the result of donations is more visible in the local charities.", you could write "In response to Dr. Achebe's question, although I understand Andrew's preference for local charities due to their visible impact, I personally believe that international charities offer more significant benefits."

Example 2: Instead of "As Claire mentioned, international charities are more impactful and have more resources than local ones.", you could write "As Claire mentioned, one major advantage of international charities is their greater impact and resources. For instance, they can address global issues like climate change more effectively."

5. 语法批改

In response to Dr. Achebe’s intriguing query, I appreciate Andrew’s opinion that the result of donations is more visible in the local charities. However, the visible information is not always convincing, they may cheat the donators. Consequently, I find myself resonating more with Claire’s perspective. As Claire mentioned, international charities are more impactful and have more resources than local ones. With international influence, the charities are able to help about the global issues, such as climate change or nature disasters in the other countries. Besides, there are usually quite a few professionals in the members of international charities, who have the ability to carry out the charity plan systematically and efficiently without wasting. Therefore, donating to them makes this action more meaningful for me. Furthermore, the international charities are usually more convincing than the local charities. Usually, to attract more donations, international charities would public how they use the funds on the internet or the newspapers. However, the local charities seldom have such professional procedure of pubicpublic(pubic (public) education etc.) their information, which make me worry that if they are truly helping people with my donation. For instance, about 10 yeas ago, I donated to a charity organized near the city I lived, wishing to offer my help to more people. However, just 3 months after donating, I found in news that the charity was just using their funds to their own investment, instead of helpful activities.

Title: 6 文章修订

In response to Dr. Achebe's thought-provoking question, I acknowledge Andrew's viewpoint that the impact of donations is more tangible in local charities. However, visibility alone does not guarantee the authenticity of a charity, as some may deceive donors. Consequently, I find myself aligning more with Claire's perspective.

As Claire highlighted, international charities tend to be more influential and resourceful than their local counterparts. Their global reach enables them to address pressing issues such as climate change or natural disasters in other countries. Moreover, international charities often consist of numerous professionals who can execute charitable plans systematically and efficiently, minimizing waste. Therefore, donating to these organizations holds greater significance for me.

Additionally, international charities generally appear more credible than local ones. To attract donations, they often disclose their fund usage through online platforms or newspapers. In contrast, local charities rarely follow such transparent procedures, raising concerns about the legitimacy of their operations and the proper allocation of donations. For example, about ten years ago, I contributed to a charity near my city with the intention of helping others. However, just three months later, I discovered through news reports that the organization had misused funds for personal investments rather than charitable endeavors. (203 words)

In response to Dr. Achebe’s intriguing query, I appreciate Andrew’s opinion Achebe's thought-provoking question (revised for a more natural tone), I acknowledge Andrew's viewpoint that the result impact of donations is more visible tangible (changed "visible" to "tangible" for better clarity) in the local charities. However, the visible information is visibility alone does not always convincing, they guarantee the authenticity of a charity, as some may cheat the donators. deceive donors (rephrased for clarity and smoother flow). Consequently, I find myself resonating aligning more with Claire’s Claire's perspective.

As Claire mentioned, highlighted (changed "mentioned" to "highlighted" for better emphasis), international charities are more impactful and have more resources tend to be more influential and resourceful (rephrased for better flow) than local ones. With international influence, the charities are able to help about the their local counterparts. Their global issues, reach enables them to address pressing issues such as climate change or nature natural disasters in the other countries. Besides, there are usually quite a few Moreover, international charities often consist of numerous professionals in the members of international charities, who have the ability to carry out the charity plan can execute charitable plans systematically and efficiently without wasting. efficiently, minimizing waste (rephrased for smoother flow). Therefore, donating to them makes this action more meaningful these organizations holds greater significance for me.

Furthermore, the Additionally, international charities are usually more convincing generally appear more credible than the local charities. Usually, to local ones (rephrased for clarity). To attract more donations, international charities would public how they use the funds on the internet often disclose their fund usage through online platforms or the newspapers. However, the local charities seldom have In contrast, local charities rarely follow such professional procedure of pubic transparent procedures, raising concerns about the legitimacy of their information, which make me worry that if they are truly helping people with my donation. operations and the proper allocation of donations (rephrased for better flow). For instance, example, about 10 yeas ten years ago, I donated contributed to a charity organized near the my city I lived, wishing to offer my help to more people. with the intention of helping others. However, just 3 three months after donating, I found in later, I discovered through news reports that the charity was just using their organization had misused funds to their own investment, instead of helpful activities.for personal investments rather than charitable endeavors (revised sentence structure for smoother flow).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Dr. Achebe's question
   - Andrew's viewpoint: local charities
   - Claire's perspective: international charities

2. International Charities Advantages
   - Influence and resources
   - Global reach (climate change, natural disasters)
   - Professionalism and efficiency

3. Credibility of International Charities
   - Transparency in fund usage
   - Comparison with local charities

4. Personal Experience
   - Donation to a local charity
   - Misuse of funds

5. Conclusion
   - Aligning with Claire's perspective on international charities

Title: 9 关键词