TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on environment protection. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.5

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 28

3. Task completeness

The essay addresses the professor's question and contributes to the discussion by providing a unique perspective on the issue. However, it could be improved by offering more specific examples or evidence to support the argument that human efforts have minimal impact on the environment. Additionally, incorporating ideas from Izzie and George's posts would help make the response more engaging.

Example 1: Instead of just mentioning that a volcanic eruption can surpass cumulative carbon emissions, provide data or a specific example of an eruption that had such an impact. Example 2: Acknowledge Izzie's point about policy changes and George's focus on technology, then explain how these efforts might still be insufficient in comparison to natural phenomena.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance its organization.

Example 1: Add a transition sentence at the beginning of the second paragraph that connects your agreement with George's stance to your unique perspective on human influence. Example 2: In the conclusion, restate your main argument and briefly summarize your reasoning before presenting a final thought on the topic. This will help reinforce your viewpoint while providing closure for readers.

5. Grammar

While I concur with George's stance that environmental issues may not see significant improvement in the future, my reasoning differs. I contend that human efforts to protect or harm the environment have a minimal impact on the overall trajectory of global environmental concerns. Given our relatively minuscule presence compared to Earth, our influence on its environment is similarly limited when contrasted with the effects caused by natural phenomena. Measures such as reducing carbon emissions or utilizing renewable energy sources ultimately prove insufficient in counteracting environmental changes. The impact of a single volcanic eruption, for instance, can surpass the cumulative carbon emissions generated since the Industrial Revolution; even a slight shift in Earth's orbit could result in more drastic temperature increases than those attributed to the greenhouse effect. Historical examples of significant environmental shifts independent of human influence abound, including the atmospheric transformation following volcanic eruptions and the greenhouse effect-induced temperature rise that led to dinosaur extinction.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I concur with George's stance that environmental issues may not see significant improvement in the future, my reasoning differs. I contend that human efforts to protect or harm the environment have a minimal impact on the overall trajectory of global environmental concerns. Given our relatively minuscule presence compared to Earth, our influence on its environment is similarly limited when contrasted with the effects caused by natural phenomena. Measures such as reducing carbon emissions or utilizing renewable energy sources ultimately prove insufficient in counteracting environmental changes. The impact of a single volcanic eruption, for instance, can surpass the cumulative carbon emissions generated since the Industrial Revolution; even a slight shift in Earth's orbit could result in more drastic temperature increases than those attributed to the greenhouse effect. Historical examples of significant environmental shifts independent of human influence abound, including the atmospheric transformation following volcanic eruptions and the greenhouse effect-induced temperature rise that led to dinosaur extinction. (161 words)

While I concur with George's stance (maintaining the original tone) that environmental issues may not see significant improvement in the future, my reasoning differs. I contend (providing a clear transition) that human efforts to protect or harm the environment have a minimal impact on the overall trajectory of global environmental concerns. Given our relatively minuscule presence compared to Earth, our influence on its environment is similarly limited when contrasted with the effects caused by natural phenomena. phenomena (clarifying the comparison). Measures such as reducing carbon emissions or utilizing renewable energy sources ultimately prove insufficient in counteracting environmental changes. changes (explaining why these measures are not enough). The impact of a single volcanic eruption, for instance, can surpass the cumulative carbon emissions generated since the Industrial Revolution; even a slight shift in Earth's orbit could result in more drastic temperature increases than those attributed to the greenhouse effect. effect (providing specific examples). Historical examples of significant environmental shifts independent of human influence abound, including the atmospheric transformation following volcanic eruptions and the greenhouse effect-induced temperature rise that led to dinosaur extinction.extinction (adding more evidence to support the argument).

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Environmental issues

   • Human efforts
   • Natural phenomena

2. Human impact

   • Carbon emissions reduction
   • Renewable energy sources

3. Natural phenomena impact

   • Volcanic eruptions
   • Earth's orbit shift

4. Historical examples

   • Atmospheric transformation after eruptions
   • Greenhouse effect and dinosaur extinction

Display title: 9 Key Words

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While I concur with George's stance that environmental issues may not see significant improvement in the future, my reasoning differs. I contend that human efforts to protect or harm the environment have a minimal impact on the overall trajectory of global environmental concerns. Given our relatively minuscule presence compared to Earth, our influence on its environment is similarly limited when contrasted with the effects caused by natural phenomena. Measures such as reducing carbon emissions or utilizing renewable energy sources ultimately prove insufficient in counteracting environmental changes. The impact of a single volcanic eruption, for instance, can surpass the cumulative carbon emissions generated since the Industrial Revolution; even a slight shift in Earth's orbit could result in more drastic temperature increases than those attributed to the greenhouse effect. Historical examples of significant environmental shifts independent of human influence abound, including the atmospheric transformation following volcanic eruptions and the greenhouse effect-induced temperature rise that led to dinosaur extinction.