TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on advertising. Write a post responding to the professor's question.

1. Sub Scores

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task Completeness

The essay addresses the professor's question and provides a clear opinion on the advertising strategy. However, there is room for improvement in terms of elaborating on the viewpoint and providing more specific examples to support the argument. To enhance your response, consider adding real-life examples of successful celebrity endorsements or discussing potential drawbacks of using ordinary people in advertisements.

Example 1: You could mention a specific celebrity endorsement that led to increased sales for a product, such as Michael Jordan's partnership with Nike. Example 2: Discuss how using ordinary people in advertisements might not always be effective due to the lack of familiarity or trust that consumers have with these individuals compared to celebrities.

4. Essay Structure and Organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, the body paragraphs should focus on one main point each with supporting details.

Suggestion 1: Improve transitions by using phrases like "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "In addition" to connect ideas more smoothly. Suggestion 2: Dedicate one paragraph to discussing how celebrities can motivate their fans to purchase products and another paragraph to explaining how celebrities can build trust in the product's quality.

Example 1: Instead of starting your second paragraph with "Firstly," try using a transition like "In favor of using celebrities in advertisements, one major advantage is their ability to motivate fans."

Example 2: For your third paragraph, begin with a transition like "Moreover, celebrities' careful decision-making processes can contribute positively to product quality assurance."

5. Grammar

Although Paul holds the idea that ordinary people approach is more suitable for advertising because people tend to be more interested in a certain product if others like themselves are actually using that product, I personally believe that ask celebrities can be a better choice.

Firstly, because celebrities are favored by the public, they can motivate people who like them to buy the product. To be more specific, celebrities often do a lot of activities such as filming and showing up to several TV shows, and these contribute to their high reputations. As a result, they gain support from people who like them, so if they start to advertise a new product, their fans will keep supporting them, resulting in a high purchasing rate.

Secondly, since celebrities are very careful when they are making certain decisions, the quality of the products they advertised can be ensured. Nowadays, many famous people's careers are ruined because they did awful things, so other celebrities will learn the experiences from those negative examples, meaning that they will consider more before taking actions. Therefore, this experience helps celebrities to examine a certain product from multiple aspects before they actually have decided to advertise for that product.

In conclusion, I agree with Claire's point that "celebrities approach" can be more useful as aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') advertising strategy, because they can motivate the entire public and they can build trust.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

While Paul argues that utilizing ordinary people in advertisements is more effective because consumers tend to be more interested in a product when they see relatable individuals using it, I personally believe that incorporating celebrities can be a superior choice.

Firstly, celebrities possess a significant influence on the public, which can encourage their fans to purchase the products they endorse. Specifically, celebrities engage in various activities such as filming and appearing on television shows, contributing to their widespread popularity. Consequently, they garner support from their admirers who are likely to continue supporting them by purchasing the endorsed products, resulting in higher sales.

Secondly, celebrities tend to be cautious when making decisions about endorsing products, which can assure the quality of the items being advertised. In today's world, numerous well-known individuals have experienced career setbacks due to poor choices or scandals; thus, other celebrities may learn from these negative examples and exercise greater caution before taking action. This prudence enables them to thoroughly evaluate a product from multiple perspectives before agreeing to promote it.

Although both approaches have their merits, I concur with Claire's assertion that leveraging celebrity endorsements can be a more potent advertising strategy. This is because celebrities not only have the power to motivate a broader audience but also help establish trust in the product through their careful selection of endorsements. (228 words)

Although Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

While Paul holds the idea argues that utilizing ordinary people approach in advertisements is more suitable for advertising effective because people consumers tend to be more interested in a certain product if others like themselves are actually when they see relatable individuals using that product, it (revised for clarity and flow), I personally believe that ask incorporating celebrities can be a superior choice (revised for better choice. word choice).

Firstly, because celebrities are favored by celebrities possess a significant influence on the public, which can encourage their fans to purchase the products they can motivate people who like them to buy the product. To be more specific, celebrities often do a lot of endorse (revised for clarity). Specifically, celebrities engage in various activities such as filming and showing up to several TV appearing on television shows, and these contribute to their high reputations. As a result, contributing to their widespread popularity (revised for better word choice). Consequently, they gain garner support from people their admirers who like them, so if they start to advertise a new product, their fans will keep are likely to continue supporting them, them by purchasing the endorsed products, resulting in a high purchasing rate. higher sales (revised for clarity and flow).

Secondly, since celebrities are very careful celebrities tend to be cautious when they are making certain decisions, decisions about endorsing products, which can assure the quality of the products they items being advertised can be ensured. Nowadays, many famous people's careers are ruined because they did awful things, so (revised for clarity). In today's world, numerous well-known individuals have experienced career setbacks due to poor choices or scandals; thus, other celebrities will may learn the experiences from those these negative examples, meaning that they will consider more examples and exercise greater caution before taking actions. Therefore, this experience helps celebrities to examine a certain action (revised for better word choice and flow). This prudence enables them to thoroughly evaluate a product from multiple aspects perspectives before they actually agreeing to promote it (revised for clarity).

Although both approaches have decided to advertise for that product. ¶ In conclusion, their merits, I agree concur with Claire's point assertion that "celebrities approach" leveraging celebrity endorsements can be a more useful as a potent advertising strategy, strategy (revised for better word choice). This is because they can celebrities not only have the power to motivate the entire public and they can build trust.a broader audience but also help establish trust in the product through their careful selection of endorsements (revised for clarity and flow).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Ordinary people vs. celebrities in advertisements
   • Personal belief: celebrities are a superior choice

2. Influence of celebrities

   • Public attention through various activities
   • Widespread popularity and fan support
   • Increased sales due to fan loyalty

3. Cautious decision-making by celebrities

   • Learning from negative examples and scandals
   • Thorough evaluation of products before endorsement
   • Assurance of product quality

4. Conclusion

   • Agreement with Claire's assertion on celebrity endorsements
   • Motivating a broader audience and establishing trust in the product

9 Key Words