TOEFL Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Doctor Achebe:With so many opportunities to connect nowadays, some people believe that no matter which country we come from, we have more similarities than we have differences. However, others have observed that differences between themselves and people from other countries are growing. In your view, are differences between people from different countries increasing, or are they diminishing? Why? Andrew: I think the differences among us are decreasing as our exposure to products from other countries grows. We can enjoy food from any country. We can watch movies made in faraway places. We can go to a store and buy authentic goods from around the world. These things become part of our normal life and make our differences seem smaller. Claire: I understand what Andrew is saying, but for some people, being exposed to differences makes them retreat into their own corner even more. Look at social media. We are exposed to many different people and ideas, but a lot of people talk to only those they agree with and ignore the rest. This only makes the differences between people increase.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在完成任务方面做得相当不错，但仍有一些可以改进的地方。首先，你可以更多地讨论和引用阅读材料中的观点，以便更全面地回应问题。此外，在提供支持观点的例子时，可以尝试使用更具体和详细的例子，以使论证更有说服力。

改进示例1：

• 在讨论社交媒体对人们差异的影响时，可以引用Claire的观点，并对其进行批判性思考。

改进示例2：

• 在提到跨国公司如何促使文化融合时，可以给出更多具体的例子，如麦当劳、肯德基等在全球范围内推广美式快餐文化。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织上还有一些改进空间。建议在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语来帮助读者理解你的观点是如何发展的。此外，可以尝试将观点更有条理地分配到不同的段落中，以便更清晰地阐述你的论点。

改进示例1：

• 在讨论高科技如何促进文化交流时，可以使用过渡词如“首先”或“其次”，以突出这一观点在你的论证中的重要性。

改进示例2：

• 在正文部分，可以将跨国公司对文化融合的影响与社交媒体对人们差异的影响分开讨论，以使文章结构更加清晰。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew’s viewpoint that the differences among people from different countries are decreased. Expanding upon his idea that our exposure to the same products decreases differences, I would like to emphasize the advancement of technology and flourishing commerce also have a wide-reaching impact on this issue. To be specific, we are inhabiting an era of information, fueled by high technology represented by the Internet and cutting-edge digital devices, which allow us to easily contact and interact with people from different cultures through social media, such as Instagram, Weibo，Weibo(misspelling) and We chat etc. And as communications are increased, the misunderstanding and ignorance among people from different countries are mitigatedmitigated,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) thus people are getting closer than ever before. And what’s more, multinational companies also contribute to this situation. For example, universal brands like Starbucks and LuckinLucking(misspelling) Coffee cultivate the habits of drinking coffee among Chinese people and introduce coffee culture in China as well. Such a phenomenon also happens in other international corporations during their commercial strategy. So under all these circumstances, I believe that the differences among people around the world are decreasing gradually indeed.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew's viewpoint that the differences among people from different countries are diminishing. Building upon his idea that our exposure to the same products decreases differences, I would like to emphasize that advancements in technology and flourishing commerce also have a significant impact on this issue. Specifically, we inhabit an era of information, fueled by cutting-edge technology represented by the Internet and digital devices, which allow us to easily connect and interact with individuals from diverse cultures through social media platforms such as Instagram, Weibo, and WeChat. As communication increases, misunderstandings and ignorance among people from different countries are mitigated, thus fostering closer connections than ever before. Furthermore, multinational corporations contribute to this situation. For instance, global brands like Starbucks and Luckin Coffee cultivate coffee-drinking habits among Chinese consumers and introduce coffee culture in China. Similar phenomena occur with other international corporations during their commercial strategies implementation. Under these circumstances, I firmly believe that the differences among people worldwide are gradually decreasing. (170 words)

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew’s Andrew's viewpoint that the differences among people from different countries are decreased. Expanding diminishing (revised for clarity and conciseness). Building upon his idea that our exposure to the same products decreases differences, I would like to emphasize the advancement of that advancements in technology and flourishing commerce also have a wide-reaching significant impact on this issue. To be specific, issue (revised for better word choice and clarity). Specifically, we are inhabiting inhabit an era of information, fueled by high cutting-edge technology represented by the Internet and cutting-edge digital devices, devices (revised for conciseness), which allow us to easily contact connect and interact with people individuals from different diverse cultures through social media, media platforms such as Instagram, Weibo， and We chat etc. And as communications are increased, the misunderstanding Weibo, and WeChat (corrected punctuation). As communication increases, misunderstandings and ignorance among people from different countries are mitigated mitigated, thus people are getting fostering closer connections than ever before. And what’s more, before (revised for clarity). Furthermore, multinational companies also corporations contribute to this situation. situation (revised for conciseness). For example, universal instance, global brands like Starbucks and Luckin Coffee cultivate the coffee-drinking habits of drinking coffee among Chinese people consumers and introduce coffee culture in China as well. Such a phenomenon also happens in (revised for clarity). Similar phenomena occur with other international corporations during their commercial strategy. So under all strategies implementation (revised for better word choice). Under these circumstances, I firmly believe that the differences among people around the world worldwide are gradually decreasing gradually indeed.(revised for emphasis and clarity).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Agree with Andrew's viewpoint
   - Differences among people diminishing

2. Technology advancements
   - Era of information
   - Internet and digital devices

3. Social media platforms
   - Instagram, Weibo, WeChat
   - Connect and interact with diverse cultures

4. Decreased misunderstandings and ignorance
   - Fostering closer connections globally

5. Multinational corporations' impact
   - Starbucks and Luckin Coffee example
   - Introducing coffee culture in China

6. Commercial strategies implementation 
   - Similar phenomena with other international corporations 

7. Conclusion 
   - Firm belief in decreasing differences among people worldwide 

Title: 9 关键词