TOEFL TPO 22 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on sociology. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

25. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回应讨论问题方面做得相当不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你可以尝试提供更具体的例子来支持你的观点。此外，在语法和词汇使用方面，也需要注意避免一些错误。例如，注意保持时态的一致性，并确保使用正确的单词。

示例1： 原文：Such as requiring the careless father to wash cloth, but he will waste more time, which might strike an argument between parents. 修改：For instance, asking a careless father to do laundry may result in wasted time and potential arguments between parents.

示例2： 原文：People should value the time that every in the family can gather together, so they should pay attention on creating more happy memories and feel a sense of accomplishment. 修改：People should cherish the moments when the whole family can gather together, focusing on creating happy memories and fostering a sense of accomplishment.

4. 文章结构与组织

在文章结构和组织方面，可以考虑更明确地划分段落。每个段落都应该集中讨论一个特定的观点，并提供相关的支持细节。同时，在段落之间使用清晰的过渡词或短语以帮助读者理解文章的逻辑。

建议1：在引入论点时，可以使用过渡词或短语，如“首先”、“其次”等。 示例：首先，我认为强迫家庭成员参与他们不熟悉的家务活动会降低工作效率。

建议2：在总结观点时，可以使用总结性的过渡词或短语，如“综上所述”、“因此”等。 示例：综上所述，我相信通过寻找吸引每个家庭成员的有趣活动，家庭关系将得到加强。

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, I concur with Claire's perspectiveperspective,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) which regarding it's difficult to find the activity that every number interested in. Firstly, forcing the family number who unfamiliar with house workhousework(house hold (household)) will reduce the working efficient. Such as requiring the careless father to wash cloth, but he will waste more time, which might strike an argument between parents. It's true that family's relationship can be strengthened by working together. Nevertheless, finding an interesting active that attracted every one is wisely, such as watching a film or playing computer game. People should value the time that every in the family can gather together, so they should pay attention onto(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) creating more happy memories and feel a sense of accomplishment. By doing so, I believe that the family's bond will be connected, due to the happiness experience.

Title: 6 Article Revision

I agree with Claire's viewpoint that it can be challenging to find activities that appeal to every family member. Firstly, involving individuals in tasks they are not familiar with may decrease efficiency. For instance, asking a father who is careless with household chores to do laundry could result in wasted time and potential arguments between parents.

While it is true that working together can strengthen family bonds, it is wiser to identify engaging activities that cater to everyone's interests, such as watching a movie or playing video games. It is essential for families to cherish the moments when everyone can gather together; thus, the focus should be on creating happy memories and fostering a sense of accomplishment.

By doing so, I believe that family bonds will be strengthened due to the shared positive experiences. (138 words)

In my opinion, I concur with Claire's perspective which regarding it's difficult to find the activity that every number interested in. (I agree with Claire's viewpoint that it can be challenging to find activities that appeal to every family member.) Firstly, forcing the family number who unfamiliar with house work will reduce the working efficient. (Firstly, involving individuals in tasks they are not familiar with may decrease efficiency.) Such as requiring the careless father to wash cloth, but he will waste more time, which might strike an argument between parents. (For instance, asking a father who is careless with household chores to do laundry could result in wasted time and potential arguments between parents.)

It's true that family's relationship can be strengthened by working together. (While it is true that working together can strengthen family bonds,) Nevertheless, finding an interesting active that attracted every one is wisely, such as watching a film or playing computer game. (it is wiser to identify engaging activities that cater to everyone's interests, such as watching a movie or playing video games.) People should value the time that every in the family can gather together, so they should pay attention on creating more happy memories and feel a sense of accomplishment. (It is essential for families to cherish the moments when everyone can gather together; thus, the focus should be on creating happy memories and fostering a sense of accomplishment.)

By doing so, I believe that the family's bond will be connected, due to the happiness experience.experience. (By doing so, I believe that family bonds will be strengthened due to the shared positive experiences.)

8 思维导图

- 标题: 家庭活动的挑战
  - 引言: 同意Claire的观点
  - 主要论点1: 不熟悉的任务可能降低效率
    - 例子: 父亲不擅长家务，洗衣服可能导致浪费时间和争吵
  - 主要论点2: 寻找适合所有人兴趣的活动
    - 建议: 看电影或玩电子游戏等
  - 结论: 注重创造快乐回忆和培养成就感，加强家庭纽带

9 关键词