TOEFL TPO 54 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they cast doubt on the specific solutions proposed in the reading passage.

1. Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2. Estimated Scores

• Score: 25

3. Task Completeness The essay does a good job of summarizing the points made in the lecture and explaining how they cast doubt on the specific solutions proposed in the reading passage. However, there is room for improvement in providing more specific details from the lecture to support the arguments.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Provide more specific examples or details from the lecture to support your points.

• Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task.

Examples:

1. Instead of just mentioning that desalination would cause dangerous chemicals, provide more information about how these chemicals could affect people's health, as explained in the lecture.

2. When discussing the expense of pipelines, provide a clearer explanation of why this would be unaffordable for the local government.

3. Essay Structure and Organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and supporting details. However, there is room for improvement in transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve coherence.

• Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main point.

Examples:

1. Instead of starting with "To begin with," use a transition like "Firstly, the reading suggests..." to introduce your first point.

2. When moving from one point to another, use transitions like "In addition" or "Furthermore" to help guide your reader through your argument.

3. Grammar

The reading and the lecture are both about solutions to reverse the trend of salinity. The author of the reading passage provides three waysways,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) while the lecturer identifies weaknesses of them all.

To begin with, the author argues that one method is to remove salt of the lake directly. However, the professor rebuts in the lecture that it might cause dangerous chemicals which are probably blown into the air and do harm to people's health.

Secondly, even though the author suggests that we can dilute the salt level by bringing ocean water into the lake, the professor mentions the unaffordable enpenseexpense(misspelling) of pipulinespipelines(misspelling) in result of the one-kilometer distance between the ocean and the sea, which contradicts the possibility for the local government to tale this advice.

Finally, the author posits that, aiming at directing all the freshwater in the area into one main section of the lake i the use of consturctingconstructing(misspelling) walls, dividing the lake into several sections can control the salinity whereas the professor asserts that it is not a long-term solution since there may be geological activities such as earthquake destroying the walls, convincingly displaying that this means does not make sense.

6. Revised Essay

The reading passage and the lecture both discuss potential solutions to address the increasing salinity of the Salton Sea in California. The author of the reading passage proposes three methods to combat this issue, while the lecturer casts doubt on each of these solutions by highlighting their weaknesses.

Firstly, the reading suggests that desalination facilities could be employed to remove salt directly from the lake's water. However, the lecturer contends that this approach might lead to hazardous consequences. The desalination process would leave behind solid materials, including toxic chemicals such as selenium. If these chemicals were dispersed into the air by wind and subsequently inhaled by people, it could pose significant health risks.

In addition, the author proposes diluting the lake's salt levels by introducing ocean water through pipelines or canals. The lecturer challenges this solution by emphasizing the prohibitive costs associated with constructing such infrastructure. Given that the nearest Pacific Ocean shoreline is located 100 kilometers away from the Salton Sea, building pipelines or canals over such a vast distance would be extremely expensive and likely unaffordable for local government resources.

Lastly, dividing the lake into sections using walls is presented as another potential solution in the reading passage. This method aims to control salinity by directing all freshwater from nearby rivers into one main section of the lake while allowing salinity levels to increase in smaller sections. However, the lecturer disputes this approach's effectiveness as a long-term solution due to frequent geological activity in the region, such as earthquakes. These natural events could potentially destroy constructed walls, causing high-salinity water from separated sections to mix back with low-salinity water in the main section.

Overall, although each proposed solution in the reading passage appears promising at first glance, their feasibility is undermined by various concerns raised during the lecture. Consequently, alternative strategies may need to be explored to effectively address and reverse increasing salinity levels within California's Salton Sea. (323 words)

7. Essay Grading

The reading passage and the lecture are both about discuss potential solutions to reverse the trend address the increasing salinity of salinity. the Salton Sea in California. The author of the reading passage proposes three methods to combat this issue, while the lecturer casts doubt on each of these solutions by highlighting their weaknesses. (This sentence provides three ways while the lecturer identifies weaknesses of them all. a clear introduction and sets up the context for the essay.)

To begin with, the author argues Firstly, the reading suggests that one method is desalination facilities could be employed to remove salt of the lake directly. directly from the lake's water. However, the professor rebuts in the lecture lecturer contends that this approach might lead to hazardous consequences. (The transition "firstly" is used to introduce the first point.) The desalination process would leave behind solid materials, including toxic chemicals such as selenium. If these chemicals were dispersed into the air by wind and subsequently inhaled by people, it might cause dangerous chemicals which are probably blown into the air and do harm to could pose significant health risks. (This sentence provides more specific details about how desalination could affect people's health. health.)

Secondly, even though In addition, (this transition is used to smoothly move from one point to another) the author suggests that we can dilute the proposes diluting the lake's salt level by bringing levels by introducing ocean water into the lake, the professor mentions the through pipelines or canals. The lecturer challenges this solution by emphasizing the prohibitive costs associated with constructing such infrastructure. Given that (this phrase is used for providing a reason) the nearest Pacific Ocean shoreline is located 100 kilometers away from the Salton Sea, building pipelines or canals over such a vast distance would be extremely expensive and likely unaffordable enpense of pipulines in result of the one-kilometer distance between the ocean and the sea, which contradicts the possibility for the local government to tale this advice. resources.

Finally, the author posits that, aiming at Lastly, (this transition is used to introduce the final point) dividing the lake into sections using walls is presented as another potential solution in the reading passage. This method aims to control salinity by directing all the freshwater in the area from nearby rivers into one main section of the lake i the use of consturcting walls, dividing the lake into several sections can control the while allowing salinity whereas the professor asserts that it is not levels to increase in smaller sections. However, (this conjunction is used to show contrast)the lecturer disputes this approach's effectiveness as a long-term solution since there may be due to frequent geological activities activity in the region, such as earthquake destroying the earthquakes. These natural events could potentially destroy constructed walls, convincingly displaying that this means does not make sense.causing high-salinity water from separated sections to mix back with low-salinity water in the main section.

Overall, (this transition is used to summarize the essay) although each proposed solution in the reading passage appears promising at first glance, their feasibility is undermined by various concerns raised during the lecture. Consequently, (this conjunction is used to show the result) alternative strategies may need to be explored to effectively address and reverse increasing salinity levels within California's Salton Sea.

8. Mind Map

• Introduction

  • Salton Sea salinity issue
  • Reading passage solutions
  • Lecture's doubts

• Desalination Facilities

  • Reading: remove salt directly
  • Lecture: hazardous consequences
    • Toxic chemicals (e.g., selenium)
    • Health risks

• Diluting Salt Levels with Ocean Water

  • Reading: pipelines or canals
  • Lecture: prohibitive costs
    • Distance (100 km)
    • Local government resources

• Dividing Lake into Sections with Walls

  • Reading: control salinity, direct freshwater to main section
  • Lecture: not a long-term solution
    • Geological activity (e.g., earthquakes)
    • Wall destruction, mixing of water sections

• Conclusion

  • Feasibility undermined by lecture's concerns
  • Alternative strategies needed

9. Key Words

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：4 连贯与衔接：4 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

总体来说，文章较好地回答了问题，但在一些细节上还有待改进。首先，在描述听力部分的反驳时，可以更具体地引用听力中的例子。其次，在讨论每个解决方案的问题时，应更加详细地解释为什么这些问题使得解决方案不可行。

示例1： 原文：“She explains that when water evaporate, it will leave behind solid materials, and some of them are toxic chemicals causing health risks when being breathed in by people.” 改进：“She explains that when water evaporates, it leaves behind solid materials, including toxic chemicals like selenium. These chemicals pose health risks when they are spread into the air and inhaled by people.”

示例2： 原文：“The reason is that the Salton Sea is 100 kilometers away from the nearest ocean, and it would be expensive to build pipelines or canals over such long distance.” 改进：“The reason is that the Salton Sea is 100 kilometers away from the nearest ocean, and constructing pipelines or canals over such a long distance would be prohibitively expensive for the local government.”

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织基本清晰，但仍有提升空间。首先，可以在引言部分简要介绍阅读和听力材料的主题以及它们之间的关系。其次，每个段落的主题句应更明确地表达出段落的中心思想。

示例1： 原文：“The reading presents three methods to reverse the Salton Sea’s salinity trend. However, the professor argues that each of these methods is unrealistic.” 改进：“The reading passage proposes three methods to address the increasing salinity in the Salton Sea, while the lecture casts doubt on the feasibility of these solutions by pointing out their respective drawbacks.”

示例2： 原文：“Firstly, the reading suggests using special facilities to remove salt from the lake’s water.” 改进：“Firstly, although the reading suggests using desalination facilities to remove salt from the lake's water, the lecture contends that this method would pose significant health risks.”

5. 语法批改

The reading presents three methods to reverse the Salton Sea’s salinity trend. However, the professor argues that each of these methods is unrealistic. Firstly, the reading suggests using special facilities to remove salt from the lake’s water. The professor states that this method causes poblemsproblems(misspelling). She explains that when water evaporate, it will leave behind solid materials, and some of them are toxic chemicals causing health risks when being breathed in by people. Secondly, the reading propose diluting the lake water’s salt level with water from the ocean. The professor refutes this idea by saying that government may not have enough resources to pay for such a huge construction. The reason is that the Salton Sea is 100 kilimeterskilometers(misspelling) away from the nearest ocean, and it would be expensive to bulidbuild(misspelling) pipelines or canals over such long distance. Thirdly, the reading presents constructing walls to divide the lake into several sections. But the professor points out that this wall may not work for long because the regonregion(misspelling) in which the Salton Sea located experiences frequent geological activities like earthquakes, so the wall may collapse when the first earthquake happens, and the water from the special section will mix back in with the water from the main section.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage outlines three potential solutions to address the increasing salinity of the Salton Sea in California. However, the lecture casts doubt on the feasibility and effectiveness of these proposed methods.

Firstly, the reading suggests utilizing desalination facilities to remove salt from the lake's water. The professor contends that this approach would create additional problems. She explains that when water evaporates, it leaves behind solid materials, including toxic chemicals that pose health risks when inhaled by people.

Secondly, the reading proposes diluting the lake's salt levels with ocean water. The professor refutes this idea by highlighting that the local government may lack sufficient resources to finance such a large-scale construction project. She points out that the Salton Sea is situated 100 kilometers away from the nearest ocean shoreline, making it expensive to build pipelines or canals over such an extensive distance.

Lastly, the reading presents a solution involving constructing walls to divide the lake into several sections to control salinity levels. However, the professor argues that this method may not be sustainable in the long term due to frequent geological activities like earthquakes in the region where Salton Sea is located. She explains that these earthquakes could cause the walls to collapse, allowing water from different sections with varying salinity levels to mix back together.

In light of these points made by the professor, it becomes evident that each proposed solution in the reading passage faces significant challenges and limitations, casting doubt on their overall effectiveness in addressing Salton Sea's increasing salinity issue. (257 words)

The reading presents passage outlines three methods to reverse potential solutions to address the increasing salinity of the Salton Sea’s salinity trend. Sea in California. However, the professor argues that each lecture casts doubt on the feasibility and effectiveness of these proposed methods is unrealistic. (Changed "presents" to "outlines" and "the professor argues" to "the lecture casts doubt" for a more natural tone).

Firstly, the reading suggests using special utilizing desalination facilities to remove salt from the lake’s lake's water. The professor states contends that this method causes poblems. approach would create additional problems (Changed "using special facilities" to "utilizing desalination facilities" for clarity). She explains that when water evaporate, evaporates, it will leave leaves behind solid materials, and some of them are including toxic chemicals causing that pose health risks when being breathed in inhaled by people. people (Rephrased for better flow and clarity).

Secondly, the reading propose proposes diluting the lake water’s lake's salt level levels with water from the ocean. ocean water. The professor refutes this idea by saying that highlighting that the local government may not have enough lack sufficient resources to pay for finance such a huge construction. The reason is large-scale construction project (Changed "propose" to "proposes" and rephrased for better flow). She points out that the Salton Sea is situated 100 kilimeters kilometers away from the nearest ocean, and ocean shoreline, making it would be expensive to bulid build pipelines or canals over such long distance. an extensive distance (Corrected spelling of "kilimeters" and rephrased for better flow).

Thirdly, Lastly, the reading presents a solution involving constructing walls to divide the lake into several sections. But sections to control salinity levels. However, the professor points out argues that this wall method may not work for be sustainable in the long because the regon in which the Salton Sea located experiences term due to frequent geological activities like earthquakes, so the wall may collapse when the first earthquake happens, and the earthquakes in the region where Salton Sea is located (Rephrased for better flow and clarity). She explains that these earthquakes could cause the walls to collapse, allowing water from the special section will different sections with varying salinity levels to mix back in with the water from the main section.together.

In light of these points made by the professor, it becomes evident that each proposed solution in the reading passage faces significant challenges and limitations, casting doubt on their overall effectiveness in addressing Salton Sea's increasing salinity issue (Rephrased for better flow and clarity).

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8. Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Reading passage: potential solutions for Salton Sea salinity
   • Lecture: doubts on feasibility and effectiveness

2. Desalination Facilities

   • Reading: remove salt from water
   • Lecture: creates additional problems (toxic chemicals)

3. Diluting with Ocean Water

   • Reading: reduce salt levels using ocean water
   • Lecture: financial and logistical challenges (distance, resources)

4. Constructing Walls

   • Reading: divide lake to control salinity levels
   • Lecture: not sustainable (earthquakes, wall collapse)

5. Conclusion

   • Professor's points cast doubt on proposed solutions

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9. Keywords