TOEFL TPO None Writing Task 1 Sample:

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现得相当不错。作者成功地总结了听力材料中的观点，并对阅读材料中的论点进行了反驳。然而，文章在语言使用方面还有待提高。为了使文章更具说服力，建议在引用听力和阅读材料时使用更准确的词汇和表达。此外，在解释听力观点时，可以尝试提供更多细节以增强论据。

示例1： 原文：Moreover, only some people who are allergic to mercury will suffer bad health. 修改：Moreover, only a small number of people who are allergic to mercury have been documented to suffer adverse health effects.

示例2： 原文：And all dentists should equip their offices with this device, which will prevent amalgam from having pollution in the wildlife. 修改：By requiring all dentists to equip their offices with separators, it would almost completely prevent amalgam from contaminating bodies of water and harming wildlife.

4.文章结构与组织 本篇文章的结构和组织方面基本上做得很好。作者清晰地分段讨论了每个观点，并在每段中提供了支持细节。然而，在某些段落中，过渡语句并不明显，这可能会影响到文章的连贯性。建议在段落之间添加更多过渡词和短语，以帮助读者更好地理解观点之间的关系。

示例1： 原文：Therefore, using mercury is safety. This directly refutes the reading passage’s claim that mercury using in the dental amalgam will have negative effect on human health. 修改：Therefore, using mercury in dental amalgam is generally safe for most people. This directly refutes the reading passage's claim that mercury used in dental amalgam will have a negative effect on human health.

示例2： 原文：This challenges the theory stated in the reading that alternative materials could replace the dangers of mercury for dental repairs. 修改：This challenges the theory stated in the reading that alternative materials could effectively replace dental amalgam without any drawbacks or increased costs.

5. 语法批改

The lecture provides several counterarguments to reading passage’s idea about mercury should be prohibited from use in dental repairs.

First of allFirst(first of all (first)), it is not harmful for people to absorb smalla small(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) amount of mercury. The exposure level is lower than causing trouble. Moreover, only some people who are allergic to mercury will suffer bad health. And there are fifty cases have been documented in the millions and millions of patients. Therefore, using mercury is safety. This directly refutes the reading passage’s claim that mercury using in the dental amalgam will have negative effect on human health.

Secondly, there is a device called a separator, which is a type of filter inside the drain. The separator can collect soil material such as amalgam when water passes through it. Moreover, these separators can reduce the amount of mercury to release into the sewage system. And all dentists should equip their offices with this device, which will prevent amalgam from having pollution in the wildlife. AgainAgain,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) this contradicts what is stated in the reading, which stated that mercury contamination will harm waterways in the wildlife.

Third, amalgam has many advantages over other replacement materials due to itsit's(Detects potentially wrong usage of "its") less sensitive to moisture. Moreover, using amalgam repairing tooth could maintain longer time than other materials because human mouth is wet. Additionally, alternative materials, especially gold, are more expensive per unit. For example, dental costs will spend more than twelve billion dollars a year if amalgam will be prohibited to use. This challenges the theory stated in the reading that alternative materials could replace the dangers of mercury for dental repairs.

6.文章修订

The lecture provides several counterarguments to the reading passage's assertion that mercury should be prohibited from use in dental repairs.

Firstly, the lecture contends that the absorption of small amounts of mercury is not harmful to most people. The exposure level is too low to cause any significant health issues. Furthermore, only a small number of individuals who are allergic to mercury have been documented to suffer adverse health effects. Out of millions of patients, only fifty cases have been reported. Consequently, using mercury in dental amalgam is generally safe for the majority of the population. This directly refutes the reading passage's claim that mercury used in dental amalgam will have a negative effect on human health.

Secondly, the lecture introduces a device called a separator, which is a type of filter installed within drains. The separator collects solid material such as amalgam when water passes through it, effectively reducing the amount of mercury released into sewage systems. By requiring all dentists to equip their offices with separators, it would almost completely prevent amalgam from contaminating bodies of water and harming wildlife. This contradicts the reading passage's assertion that mercury contamination will damage waterways and wildlife.

Thirdly, amalgam offers numerous advantages over alternative replacement materials due to its lower sensitivity to moisture. This is particularly important considering that the human mouth is constantly wet. Dental repairs made with amalgam tend to last longer than those made with other materials. Additionally, alternative materials, especially gold, are more expensive per unit. For instance, dental costs in the United States would increase by an estimated twelve billion dollars per year if amalgam were eliminated as an option for dental repairs. This challenges the theory stated in the reading passage that alternative materials could effectively replace dental amalgam without any drawbacks or increased costs.

Overall, the lecture successfully challenges each argument presented in the reading passage by providing evidence and counterarguments regarding human health concerns, environmental hazards associated with mercury, and the advantages of amalgam over alternative materials for dental repairs. (338 words)

7.文章批改

The lecture provides several counterarguments to reading passage’s idea about the reading passage's assertion that mercury should be prohibited from use in dental repairs. ¶ First of all, it (Revised for clarity and conciseness)

Firstly, the lecture contends that the absorption of small amounts of mercury is not harmful for people to absorb small amount of mercury. to most people. (Revised for clarity) The exposure level is lower than causing trouble. Moreover, too low to cause any significant health issues. Furthermore, only some people a small number of individuals who are allergic to mercury will have been documented to suffer bad health. And there are adverse health effects. (Revised for precision) Out of millions of patients, only fifty cases have been documented in the millions and millions of patients. Therefore, reported. Consequently, using mercury is safety. in dental amalgam is generally safe for the majority of the population. (Revised for clarity and coherence) This directly refutes the reading passage’s passage's claim that mercury using in the used in dental amalgam will have a negative effect on human health.

Secondly, there is the lecture introduces a device called a separator, which is a type of filter inside the drain. installed within drains. (Revised for clarity) The separator can collect soil collects solid material such as amalgam when water passes through it. Moreover, these separators can reduce it, effectively reducing the amount of mercury to release released into the sewage system. And systems. By requiring all dentists should to equip their offices with this device, which will separators, it would almost completely prevent amalgam from having pollution in the contaminating bodies of water and harming wildlife. Again this (Revised for coherence and clarity) This contradicts what is stated in the reading, which stated the reading passage's assertion that mercury contamination will harm damage waterways in the and wildlife.

Third, amalgam has many Thirdly, amalgam offers numerous advantages over other alternative replacement materials due to its less sensitive lower sensitivity to moisture. Moreover, using amalgam repairing tooth could maintain longer time than other materials because (Revised for clarity) This is particularly important considering that the human mouth is constantly wet. Dental repairs made with amalgam tend to last longer than those made with other materials. Additionally, alternative materials, especially gold, are more expensive per unit. For example, instance, dental costs will spend more than in the United States would increase by an estimated twelve billion dollars a per year if amalgam will be prohibited to use. were eliminated as an option for dental repairs. (Revised for clarity and coherence) This challenges the theory stated in the reading passage that alternative materials could effectively replace the dangers of mercury for dental repairs.dental amalgam without any drawbacks or increased costs.

Overall, the lecture successfully challenges each argument presented in the reading passage by providing evidence and counterarguments regarding human health concerns, environmental hazards associated with mercury, and the advantages of amalgam over alternative materials for dental repairs. (Revised for clarity and conciseness)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Counterarguments to reading passage

• Argument 1: Human Health

  • Small amounts of mercury not harmful
  • Low exposure level
  • Allergic reactions rare

• Argument 2: Environmental Hazards

  • Separator device
  • Reduces mercury release into sewage systems
  • Prevents contamination of waterways and wildlife harm

• Argument 3: Advantages of Amalgam over Alternatives

  • Lower sensitivity to moisture
  • Longer-lasting dental repairs
  • Cost-effectiveness compared to gold and other materials

9.关键词