TOEFL TPO 65 Speaking Task 3 Sample: Explain how the example from the professor’s lecture illustrates goal displacement.

1. Sub Scores

• Delivery: 3

• Language Use: 3

• Topic Development: 3

2. Estimated Scores

• Total Score: 23

3. Delivery The speaker's delivery is generally clear and fluid, with a consistent pace and only occasional pauses. However, there are some instances where the speech could be more concise and to the point. To improve, the speaker should focus on eliminating unnecessary words or phrases and practice speaking more confidently.

4. Topic Development The response is coherent and well-organized, with clear connections between ideas and sufficient support or examples. However, the speaker could further improve by providing more specific details from the lecture to better illustrate goal displacement. Additionally, the speaker should work on refining their explanation of the concept to make it more concise and impactful.

5. Language Use

Original: According to the passage, the term goal displacements refers to a situation where too much emphasizes on achieving a goal may be come interfere with the real outcome of the goal itself, and the professor further elaborates on this by providing an example in educating children.

Corrected: According to the passage, the term goal displacements goal displacement (corrected for singular form) refers to a situation where too much emphasizes emphasis (corrected for noun form) on achieving a goal may be come become (corrected for proper word usage) interfere with the real outcome of the goal itself, and the professor further elaborates on this by providing an example in educating children.

Revised (140 words): According to the passage, goal displacement occurs when excessive emphasis on achieving a goal interferes with its actual outcome. The professor illustrates this concept through an example in education. Schools implement policies, such as punctuality, to ensure students receive quality education. In one school, a strict policy requires students to arrive on time or be denied entry. Although designed to maximize learning time, this policy can hinder students' education if they miss class due to tardiness. Consequently, overemphasis on this policy can obstruct the primary goal of providing education. To achieve a score of 30, focus on using advanced vocabulary, proper grammar, natural flow of statements, smooth transitions, and strong conclusions in your response. Additionally, ensure that your explanations are concise and directly related to the lecture's example.

6. Mind Map

- Goal Displacement
  - Definition
  - Example
    - Education
      - Punctuality policy
        - Intention
        - Consequence
          - Hindered education
  - Suggestions for improvement

7. Key Words

1.子项得分

Delivery: 3 Language Use: 3 Topic Development: 3

2.预估分数

23. 3.表达

从表达方面来看，这位同学的回答基本上是清晰的，但在某些地方可能需要稍作改进。为了提高发音的准确性，请注意一些单词的发音，例如“interferes”和“opportunity”。此外，在语言表达中尽量避免重复使用相同的词汇，可以使用同义词或其他表达方式来增加语言的丰富性。例如，可以将“students”替换为“pupils”或“learners”。最后，在练习口语时，请注意保持一致的语速，并尽量减少不必要的停顿。

4.话题发展

从话题发展方面来看，这位同学的回答基本上是连贯和有条理的。然而，在解释教授讲座中的例子时，可以更详细地说明这种情况如何导致目标错位。例如，在提到不允许迟到学生进入教室时，可以进一步解释这种做法如何影响学生的学习效果和教育质量。此外，在回答中提供更多具体细节和例子，以便更好地支持观点。总之，为了提高话题发展方面的得分，请在回答中提供更多有力的论据和详细的解释。

5.语言使用

Original Answer: Goal displacement means that employees focus on the rules that it interferes with the ability to achieve its goal. Goal displacement occurs when employees concentrate on rules to the extent that it hinders their ability to achieve the organization's objectives. (将“means”改为“occurs”，使句子更自然；将“focus on”改为“concentrate on”，增加词汇多样性；将“it interferes with”改为“it hinders”，使句子更简洁；将“its goal”改为“the organization's objectives”，使句子更清晰。)

The professor mentions school as an example. The professor cites schools as an example. (将“mentions”改为“cites”，使词汇更高级；将“school”改为复数形式，与后文保持一致。)

Schools often have many requirements, like they need students to go to the class on time. Schools typically impose various requirements, such as expecting students to attend classes punctually. (将“often have many”改为“typically impose”，使句子更自然；将“like they need”改为“such as expecting”，使句子更连贯；将“go to the class”改为“attend classes”，使表达更准确。)

However, some requirements work against their goal to educate students, like there is a policy that students should show up on time in class and if they are late, they are not allowed to go into the classroom. Nonetheless, certain requirements may counteract their objective of educating students, as exemplified by a policy that mandates punctual arrival to class, with latecomers being denied entry. (将“However”改为“Nonetheless”，使过渡更自然；将“work against their goal to educate students”改为“counteract their objective of educating students”，使句子更高级；将“like there is a policy”改为“as exemplified by a policy”，使句子更连贯；将“students should show up on time in class”改为“mandates punctual arrival to class”，使表达更准确；将“they are not allowed to go into the classroom”改为“latecomers being denied entry”，使句子更简洁。)

While this policy aims to ensure the learning time, it actually makes the student miss out opportunity to learn. Although this policy intends to maximize learning time, it inadvertently causes students to miss valuable learning opportunities. (将“aims to ensure”改为“intends to maximize”，使句子更自然；将“it actually makes the student miss out opportunity”改为“it inadvertently causes students to miss valuable learning opportunities”，使句子更连贯和准确。)

Revised Answer (140 words):

Goal displacement occurs when employees concentrate on rules to the extent that it hinders their ability to achieve the organization's objectives. The professor cites schools as an example. Schools typically impose various requirements, such as expecting students to attend classes punctually. Nonetheless, certain requirements may counteract their objective of educating students, as exemplified by a policy that mandates punctual arrival to class, with latecomers being denied entry. Although this policy intends to maximize learning time, it inadvertently causes students to miss valuable learning opportunities.

6.思维导图

Goal Displacement
├─ Definition
│   └─ Hinders ability to achieve objectives
├─ Example
│   ├─ Schools
│   │   ├─ Requirements
│   │   │   └─ Punctual attendance
│   │   └─ Counterproductive policy
│   │       ├─ Latecomers denied entry
│   │       └─ Missed learning opportunities
└─ Conclusion
    └─ Unintended consequences of policies

7.关键词

1.子项得分 Delivery: 3 Language Use: 3 Topic Development: 3

2.预估分数

23. 3.表达

从表达方面来看，这个回答的语言流利度和语速基本上是一致的，偶尔有些停顿。要提高表达能力，可以尝试减少不必要的停顿，注意发音的准确性，以及在练习时多关注一下自己的语速。

4.话题发展 从话题发展方面来看，回答内容基本上是连贯和有组织的，观点之间的联系也比较清晰，并且提供了足够的支持和例子。为了进一步提高话题发展能力，可以尝试在回答中加入更多细节和例子来支持观点，并注意在陈述过程中保持逻辑清晰。

5.语言使用

Original: The reading passage introduces the concept of goal displacement organization, which means that a goal becomes displaced when the rules meant to help in achieving a goal become more important than the goal itself. The reading passage introduces the concept of goal displacement, which occurs when the rules intended to help achieve a goal become more important than the goal itself. (将“goal displacement organization”改为“goal displacement”，使表达更准确。)

Original: In the lecture, the professor illustrated the concept with the example of schools. In the lecture, the professor exemplified this concept using schools as an example. (使用不同的词汇和表达方式，使句子更自然。)

Original: Schools require students to arrive at the classroom on time to ensure that students have enough learning time so that teachers can provide a good education for students. Schools enforce punctuality to ensure students have sufficient learning time, allowing teachers to provide quality education. (简化句子结构，避免重复。)

Original: But if a student is late for school, the student will not be allowed to learn in the classroom so that the student loses the chance to study. However, if a student is late, they are not allowed in the classroom, causing them to miss out on learning opportunities. (简化句子结构，避免重复。)

Original: This is off the point of providing good education for students. This deviates from the main objective of providing quality education to students. (使用更高级的词汇和表达方式。)

Original: So this example perfectly demonstrated the concept of goal displacement organization. Thus, this example effectively illustrates the concept of goal displacement. (将“goal displacement organization”改为“goal displacement”，使表达更准确。)

Revised Answer (140 words):

The reading passage introduces the concept of goal displacement, which occurs when the rules intended to help achieve a goal become more important than the goal itself. In the lecture, the professor exemplified this concept using schools as an example. Schools enforce punctuality to ensure students have sufficient learning time, allowing teachers to provide quality education. However, if a student is late, they are not allowed in the classroom, causing them to miss out on learning opportunities. This deviates from the main objective of providing quality education to students. Thus, this example effectively illustrates the concept of goal displacement.

6.思维导图

Goal Displacement
  ├── Reading Passage
  │      └── Definition
  ├── Lecture
  │      ├── Example: Schools
  │      │      ├── Punctuality
  │      │      └── Late students not allowed in class
  │      └── Deviation from main objective
  └── Conclusion
         └── Effective illustration of goal displacement

7.关键词

1.Sub Scores Delivery: 3 Language Use: 3 Topic Development: 3

2.Estimated Scores

23. 3.Delivery

The speaker's delivery is generally clear, but there are some issues with fluidity and occasional pauses. To improve, the speaker should practice speaking more smoothly and maintaining a consistent pace throughout the response. Additionally, focusing on proper pronunciation will help eliminate any spelling errors that may arise from inaccuracies in speech.

4.Topic Development The response is coherent and well-organized, with clear connections between ideas. However, the speaker could provide more specific examples or details to better support their points. To improve topic development, the speaker should focus on elaborating on key points and ensuring that each idea is sufficiently supported by relevant examples or explanations.

5.Language Use

Original: In the set of materials, the reading passage talks about the goal's deep placements, which means EMPIRE is focused so much on the rules or procedures that it interferes with the organization's ability to achieve its goal. While in the listening, the professors take school as an example. Schools are usually the places for students to get education, and some requirements are imposed to achieve this goal, like students need to come in class on time. But sometimes these requirements work against the goal. A school has a policy for students need to come to class on time.

Corrected: In the set of materials, the reading passage talks about the goal's deep placementsgoal displacement, which means EMPIREan organization is focused so much on the rules or procedures that it interferes with the organization'sits ability to achieve its goal. While in the listening, the professors take school as an examplethe professor uses a school as an example. Schools are usually the places for students to get educationwhere students receive an education, and some requirements are imposed to achieve this goal, like students need to come in class on timearrive in class punctually. But sometimes these requirements work against the goal. A school has a policy for students need to come to class on timerequiring students to be punctual.

(Changed "the goal's deep placements" to "goal displacement" for clarity; changed "EMPIRE" to "an organization" for accuracy; changed "the organization's" to "its" for conciseness; changed "the professors take school as an example" to "the professor uses a school as an example" for accuracy and clarity; changed "the places for students to get education" to "where students receive an education" for natural language use; changed "come in class on time" to "arrive in class punctually" for advanced vocabulary; changed "for students need to come to class on time" to "requiring students to be punctual" for proper grammar and natural flow.)

Revised Answer (140 words):

In the set of materials, the reading passage discusses goal displacement, which occurs when an organization focuses excessively on rules or procedures, interfering with its ability to achieve its goal. In the listening, the professor uses a school as an example. Schools are typically where students receive an education, and certain requirements are imposed to achieve this goal, such as arriving in class punctually. However, sometimes these requirements can work against the intended goal. For instance, a school may have a policy requiring students to be punctual. By emphasizing this policy too much, it may inadvertently hinder a student's education if they are denied entry into the classroom due to tardiness. This example illustrates how goal displacement can occur when rules or procedures overshadow the primary objective of an organization.

6.Mind Map

• Goal Displacement

  • Definition
  • Reading passage

• School Example

  • Professor's lecture
  • Requirements
    • Punctuality
    • Policy

• Negative Effects

  • Hindered education
  • Overemphasis on rules

7.Key Words

1.子项得分 Delivery: 3 Language Use: 3 Topic Development: 3

2.预估分数

23. 3.表达

从表达方面来看，这位同学的回答基本上是清晰的，但在某些地方可能需要稍作调整。例如，可以适当减少重复词汇的使用，以提高语言的多样性。此外，注意正确发音和语法结构，以提高口语表达的准确性。建议多加练习，提高自信心。

4.话题发展 从话题发展方面来看，这位同学的回答基本上是符合要求的。他成功地解释了教授在讲座中提到的例子如何说明目标置换。然而，在回答中可以更详细地解释一下目标置换现象以及它如何影响学生的教育。此外，可以尝试使用更多的连接词和过渡词来使回答更连贯。总之，多加练习和思考如何更好地组织回答将有助于提高话题发展得分。

5.语言使用

Original Answer: In this sectional material, the reading passage talks about the goal displacement, which means employers focus on the rules or procedures that it interferes with the organization's ability to achieve the goal. In this section, the reading passage discusses goal displacement, which occurs when employees focus so much on rules or procedures that it hinders an organization's ability to achieve its goals. (原句中的表达较为生硬，这里对句子进行了改写，使其更自然流畅。)

In a sociology lecture, the professor used the example of school to explain the project. In a sociology lecture, the professor used a school example to illustrate this concept. (将“the project”改为“this concept”，使表达更准确。)

First, the school set course to educate students. Firstly, the school's primary objective is to educate students. (对句子进行了改写，使其更自然。)

In order to equip the students with advanced knowledge, the school allows the students to go to the classroom on time and allows the teachers to help students learn smoothly. To provide students with advanced knowledge, schools enforce punctuality and enable teachers to facilitate smooth learning experiences. (对句子进行了改写，使其更自然流畅。)

However, when sometimes the students are against the school policy, for example, they show up late in the classroom, the teachers always don't allow students to go into the school, so the students will miss the class and also they miss the opportunity to turn in some more advanced knowledge. However, when students occasionally violate school policy by arriving late to class, teachers may not allow them to enter, causing them to miss the lesson and lose the opportunity to acquire more advanced knowledge. (对句子进行了改写，使其更自然流畅。)

In conclusion, it is opposite to the school policy. In conclusion, this contradicts the school's original objective. (对句子进行了改写，使其更准确。)

Revised Answer (140 words): In this section, the reading passage discusses goal displacement, which occurs when employees focus so much on rules or procedures that it hinders an organization's ability to achieve its goals. In a sociology lecture, the professor used a school example to illustrate this concept. Firstly, the school's primary objective is to educate students. To provide students with advanced knowledge, schools enforce punctuality and enable teachers to facilitate smooth learning experiences. However, when students occasionally violate school policy by arriving late to class, teachers may not allow them to enter, causing them to miss the lesson and lose the opportunity to acquire more advanced knowledge. In conclusion, this contradicts the school's original objective.

6.思维导图

- Goal Displacement
  - Reading Passage
    - Definition
  - Sociology Lecture
    - School Example
      - Primary Objective: Educate Students
      - Punctuality Policy
        - Consequence: Missing Class & Advanced Knowledge
  - Conclusion
    - Contradicts School's Original Objective

7.关键词

1.Sub Scores Delivery: 3 Language Use: 3 Topic Development: 3

2.Estimated Scores

23. 3.Delivery

The speaker's delivery is generally clear and fluid, but there are some occasional pauses that could be improved. To enhance the delivery, the speaker should practice speaking at a consistent pace and work on minimizing pauses. Additionally, focusing on accurate pronunciation will help to eliminate any spelling errors that may arise from mispronunciation.

4.Topic Development The response is coherent and well-organized, with clear connections between ideas. However, the speaker could provide more specific examples or details to further support their points. To improve topic development, the speaker should consider elaborating on the negative impacts of the policy and how it directly affects students' education. This will strengthen the overall response and make it more persuasive.

5.Language Use

Original: The reading material talks about goal displacement. The passage discusses goal displacement, (more natural phrasing) It means that the employees focus so much on the rules or procedures that interfere the organization's ability to achieve the goal. which occurs when employees focus excessively on rules or procedures, hindering the organization's ability to achieve its objectives. (improved sentence structure and vocabulary) In a lecture, the professor used an example to illustrate it. In a school, the teachers hold a policy that the students should show up in class on time. This is the basic requirement. If the students don't show up on time, they are not allowed to go into the classroom. But this policy has a negative impact on the students' education because the students miss the opportunity to learn. So this will decrease their overall performance in learning.

Revised (140 words): The passage discusses goal displacement, which occurs when employees focus excessively on rules or procedures, hindering the organization's ability to achieve its objectives. In a lecture, the professor provided an example from a school setting to illustrate this concept. The school enforces a strict attendance policy requiring students to arrive on time for class; otherwise, they are denied entry. While this policy is intended to promote punctuality and maximize learning time, it inadvertently has a detrimental effect on students' education. When students are late and barred from attending class, they miss valuable learning opportunities, ultimately leading to a decline in their overall academic performance. This example demonstrates how an overemphasis on rules can result in goal displacement, as the original objective of providing quality education becomes secondary to enforcing the attendance policy.

6.Mind Map

- Goal Displacement
  - Definition
  - Reading passage

- Lecture example
  - School attendance policy
  - Intended purpose
  - Negative impact

- Conclusion
  - Overemphasis on rules
  - Decline in academic performance

7.Key Words