TOEFL TPO 34 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific theories presented in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章回答了题目要求的问题，但在语言使用方面还有待提高。建议在练习写作时注意词汇和语法的准确性，尽量避免使用重复词汇和表达。

示例1（改进前）：The reading passage and the listening comprehension discuss the potential causes of the extinction of sea cow, a large mammal once lived in Bering Island. 示例1（改进后）：The reading passage and the listening comprehension explore the possible reasons for the extinction of Steller's sea cow, a massive marine mammal that once inhabited Bering Island.

示例2（改进前）：So one sea cow could feed many people for a month. 示例2（改进后）：Thus, a single sea cow could provide sustenance for numerous individuals over an extended period.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面基本符合要求，但可以在段落过渡和主题句方面进行优化。建议在写作时注意使用恰当的过渡词汇，并确保每个段落都有明确的主题句。

示例1（改进前）：Firstly, the author claims that their extinction was due to the overhunting by native Siberian people because sea cows were a good source of food in tough environment. 示例1（改进后）：Firstly, the reading passage posits that overhunting by native Siberian people led to the extinction of sea cows, as they were a valuable food source in a harsh environment.

示例2（改进前）：Secondly, the author claims that the decline in sea cow’s main source of food-kelp led by ecosystem disturbances has caused the extinction of them. 示例2（改进后）：Secondly, the reading passage suggests that ecosystem disturbances causing a decline in kelp, the sea cow's primary food source, may have contributed to their extinction.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage and the listening comprehension discuss the potential causes of the extinction of sea cow, a large mammal once lived in Bering Island. While the reading proposes three theories to explain the extinction of sew cows, the lecture challenges these by suggesting that all of them are problematic. Firstly, the author claims that their extinction was due to the overhunting by native Siberian people because sea cows were a good source of food in tougha tough(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) environment. However, the professor refutes this view, arguing that this could not be true. According to him, sea cows were very massive creatures and each of them could be weighted more than 100 tons. So one sea cow could feed many people for a month. Additionally, the population of native Siberian people was not large. Therefore, although they did hunt sea cows, they couldn’t hunt a lot of them. Secondly, the author claims that the decline in sea cow’s main source of food-kelp led by ecosystem disturbances has caused the extinction of them. In contrast, the professor holds a different view, stating that facts are inconsistent with this theory. He further explains that if severe ecosystem disturbances did happen, the whole ecosystem would be affected, not just the kelp. So as other marine animals, such as whales. Since there is no report of the decline in whales’ population and no signs of other changes in ecosystem, kelp might just grow fine. The extinction of sea cows was not due to their food shortage. Lastly, the professor states that European fur traders should be responsible for sea cows’ extinction because there is a record that fur traders caught the last sea cow and, and(comma between independent clauses) they might have killed a large number ofmany(a large number of (many)) the animals. Contrary to the reading’s view, the professor believes that although European fur traders should be responsible for some sea cow’s deaths, the population of sea cows were already really smalltiny(Extreme adjectives) by the time they arrived. In other words, there must be something else haveto have(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) caused ongoing decline in the sea cow’s population before European fur trader arrived and that should be the main cause of the extinction. The European fur traders who were last to arrive waswere(Detects potentially wrong usage of "was") not the main reason.

Section title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage and the listening comprehension discuss the potential causes of the extinction of Steller's sea cow, a large mammal that once lived around Bering Island. While the reading proposes three theories to explain the extinction, the lecture challenges these by suggesting that all of them are problematic.

Firstly, the author claims that their extinction was due to overhunting by native Siberian people because sea cows were a good source of food in a harsh environment. However, the professor refutes this view, arguing that this could not be true. According to him, sea cows were massive creatures, weighing more than ten tons each. Thus, one sea cow could feed many people for an extended period. Additionally, the population of native Siberian people was not large. Therefore, although they did hunt sea cows, they couldn't have hunted enough of them to cause their extinction.

Secondly, the author claims that a decline in sea cow's primary food source - kelp - caused by ecosystem disturbances led to their extinction. In contrast, the professor holds a different view, stating that facts are inconsistent with this theory. He further explains that if severe ecosystem disturbances did happen, it would have affected the whole ecosystem and not just kelp; other marine animals such as whales would also be impacted. Since there is no report of a decline in whale populations and no signs of broader ecosystem problems, it is likely that kelp continued to grow adequately. Thus, the extinction of sea cows was not due to food shortage.

Lastly, contrary to the reading's view which states European fur traders should be responsible for sea cows' extinction because there is a record that fur traders caught the last sea cow and they might have killed a large number of animals; The professor believes that although European fur traders may have contributed to some sea cow deaths, their population was already quite small by the time Europeans arrived. In other words, there must have been another factor causing an ongoing decline in the sea cow population before European fur traders arrived, and that should be considered the main cause of extinction. The European fur traders who were last to arrive were not the primary reason for the sea cow's extinction. (377 words)

Revised essay: Section title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage and the listening comprehension discuss the potential causes of the extinction of Steller's sea cow, a large mammal that once lived in around Bering Island. While the reading proposes three theories to explain the extinction of sew cows, extinction, the lecture challenges these by suggesting that all of them are problematic. (Changed "sea cow" to "Steller's sea cow" for specificity and corrected grammar)

Firstly, the author claims that their extinction was due to the overhunting by native Siberian people because sea cows were a good source of food in tough a harsh environment. However, the professor refutes this view, arguing that this could not be true. According to him, sea cows were very massive creatures and each of them could be weighted creatures, weighing more than 100 tons. So ten tons each (corrected "100 tons" to "ten tons"). Thus, one sea cow could feed many people for a month. an extended period. Additionally, the population of native Siberian people was not large. Therefore, although they did hunt sea cows, they couldn’t hunt a lot of them. couldn't have hunted enough of them to cause their extinction.

Secondly, the author claims that the a decline in sea cow’s main cow's primary food source of food-kelp led - kelp - caused by ecosystem disturbances has caused the extinction of them. led to their extinction. In contrast, the professor holds a different view, stating that facts are inconsistent with this theory. He further explains that if severe ecosystem disturbances did happen, it would have affected the whole ecosystem would be affected, and not just the kelp. So as kelp; other marine animals, animals such as whales. whales would also be impacted. Since there is no report of the a decline in whales’ population whale populations and no signs of other changes in ecosystem, broader ecosystem problems (corrected grammar), it is likely that kelp might just continued to grow fine. The adequately. Thus, the extinction of sea cows was not due to their food shortage.

Lastly, the professor contrary to the reading's view which states that European fur traders should be responsible for sea cows’ cows' extinction because there is a record that fur traders caught the last sea cow and they might have killed a large number of the animals. Contrary to the reading’s view, the animals; The professor believes that although European fur traders should be responsible for may have contributed to some sea cow’s cow deaths, the their population of sea cows were was already really quite small by the time they Europeans arrived. In other words, there must be something else have caused been another factor causing an ongoing decline in the sea cow’s cow population before European fur trader arrived traders arrived, and that should be considered the main cause of the extinction. The European fur traders who were last to arrive was were not the main reason.primary reason for the sea cow's extinction. (Corrected grammar and clarified sentence structure)

8. Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Reading passage and listening comprehension
   • Extinction of Steller's sea cow

2. Overhunting by native Siberian people

   • Reading: Good source of food, harsh environment
   • Lecture: Massive creatures, small population, not enough hunting to cause extinction

3. Decline in kelp due to ecosystem disturbances

   • Reading: Primary food source, extinction caused by food shortage
   • Lecture: Inconsistent facts, no broader ecosystem problems, whales not affected, kelp growth adequate

4. European fur traders responsible for extinction

   • Reading: Record of last sea cow caught, large number of animals killed
   • Lecture: Small population before Europeans arrived, another factor causing decline, Europeans not primary reason for extinction

9. Keywords