TOEFL TPO 25 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.Sub Scores

Task fulfillment: 4 Organization: 4 Coherence and Cohesion: 4 Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 25

3.Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the specific requirements of the task, summarizing the points made in the lecture and explaining how they challenge the points made in the reading passage. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and language use. The essay would benefit from more precise wording and sentence structure to make the arguments more compelling.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Be more specific when describing how the lecture challenges each point from the reading.

• Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more accurately.

Examples:

1. Instead of "The professor blames that because when people touch...", try "The professor argues that since people experience a tingling sensation when they touch the electric current, some individuals may have used this phenomenon to convince others that they possessed magical powers."

2. Instead of "Inventors will use some liquids and iron rods to generate electric current.", try "The lecturer suggests that ancient inventors might have discovered that combining liquids and iron rods with these copper cylinders could generate an electric current."

4.Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point from the lecture and provides supporting details. However, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.

• Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main idea.

Examples:

1. Add transition words like "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Lastly" at the beginning of each paragraph to guide readers through your argument.

2. Revise topic sentences for clarity, such as changing "On the contrary, the professor asserts..." to "Contrary to the reading passage's claim, the professor asserts that the absence of metal wires near the vessels does not necessarily disprove their use as batteries."

5. Grammar

The reading states that clay jarjars with copper cylinders were unlikely to be used as batteries in ancient times. However, the lecture disagrees and claims the evidence is not convincing enough to explain ancient personpeople did not apply clay jarjars as batteries. The first point the reading mentions that the vessels used as a battery will be linked to some electrical conductors, but there are no metal wires around the excavated metal pipes. On the contrary, the professor asserts that local people who don't know the importance of materials findfound these vessels earlier than archaeologists. They might threwhave thrown the electrical conductors and we never learnlearned about it. The next point brought up is that the cylinders found in vessels are the same as the copper cylinders in the SeleusiaSeleucia site, which city storestored the scrolls byusing the copper cylinders. So vessels may also be a container for storing scriptures, but it rotedthey rotted over time. However, the specific argument is challenged by the lecture. He claims that the same shape of vessels can notcannot be the reason to interpret it because the original use of vessels has changed later. Inventors will use some liquids and iron rods to generate electric current. Finally, in contrast to the reading's argument that there were no equipmentsequipment that needed electricity and the electricity was unnecessary for individuals who lived during ancient.ancient times. The professor blames that because when people touch the electric current, they will feel a tingling sensation, so someone will use it to tell others that they have magic. In addition, weak electric current can be used to treat and help humans relieve pain.

6. Revised Essay

The reading posits that clay jars with copper cylinders were unlikely to have been used as batteries in ancient times. However, the lecture contends that the evidence presented is not convincing enough to assert that ancient people did not utilize these clay jars as batteries.

Firstly, the reading claims that if the vessels were used as batteries, they would likely be connected to electrical conductors such as metal wires, which were not found near the excavated vessels. In contrast, the professor explains that local people who discovered these vessels before archaeologists may not have recognized the significance of certain materials and could have discarded potential electrical conductors, rendering them undiscovered.

Secondly, the reading suggests that since the cylinders found in vessels resemble those discovered in Seleucia – which were used for storing scrolls – it is probable that these vessels served a similar purpose. However, this argument is refuted by the lecture, which posits that the identical shape of cylinders does not necessarily indicate their function. It is possible that their original purpose evolved over time and inventors eventually utilized liquids and iron rods to generate electric currents within these vessels.

Lastly, while the reading argues that there were no devices requiring electricity during ancient times and thus electricity would have been superfluous for individuals of that era, the professor counters this point by explaining potential uses for these rudimentary batteries. For instance, when people touched an electric current produced by these vessels, they experienced a tingling sensation which could be interpreted as magical powers. Furthermore, weak electric currents might have been employed for therapeutic purposes to alleviate pain and discomfort. (274 words)

The reading states posits that clay jar jars with copper cylinders were unlikely to be have been used as batteries in ancient times. However, the lecture disagrees and claims contends that the evidence presented is not convincing enough to explain assert that ancient person people did not apply utilize these clay jar as batteries. jars as batteries (The lecture disagrees with the reading's claim, stating that the evidence is insufficient to prove that ancient people didn't use clay jars as batteries).

The first point Firstly, the reading mentions that the vessels used as a battery will claims that if the vessels were used as batteries, they would likely be linked to some connected to electrical conductors, but there are no conductors such as metal wires around wires, which were not found near the excavated metal pipes. On the contrary, vessels. In contrast, the professor asserts explains that local people who don’t know the importance discovered these vessels before archaeologists may not have recognized the significance of certain materials find these vessels earlier than archaeologists. They and could have discarded potential electrical conductors, rendering them undiscovered (The professor argues that locals who found these vessels first might threw the electrical conductors and we never learn it. have thrown away important components like metal wires because they didn't understand their importance).

The next point brought up is that Secondly, the reading suggests that since the cylinders found in vessels are the same as the copper cylinders resemble those discovered in the Seleusia site, Seleucia – which city store the were used for storing scrolls by the copper cylinders. So vessels may also be – it is probable that these vessels served a container for storing scriptures, but it roted over time. similar purpose. However, the specific this argument is challenged refuted by the lecture. He claims that the same lecture, which posits that the identical shape of vessels can cylinders does not be the reason to interpret it necessarily indicate their function (The lecture challenges this point by stating that just because the cylinders look similar doesn't mean they serve the same purpose). It is possible that their original use of vessels has changed later. Inventors will use some purpose evolved over time and inventors eventually utilized liquids and iron rods to generate electric current. currents within these vessels (The lecture suggests inventors might have later used liquids and iron rods to create electricity inside these vessels).

Finally, in contrast to the reading’s argument Lastly, while the reading argues that there were no equipments that needed devices requiring electricity and the during ancient times and thus electricity would have been superfluous for individuals of that era (The reading claims there was unnecessary for individuals who lived during ancient. The no need for electricity in ancient times), the professor blames that because counters this point by explaining potential uses for these rudimentary batteries. For instance, when people touch the touched an electric current, current produced by these vessels, they will feel experienced a tingling sensation, so someone will use it to tell sensation which could be interpreted as magical powers (The professor points out that people might have used the tingling sensation from the electric current to convince others that they have magic. In addition, had magic). Furthermore, weak electric current can be used to treat and help humans relieve pain.currents might have been employed for therapeutic purposes to alleviate pain and discomfort (The professor also suggests that weak electric currents could have been used for pain relief).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading: Clay jars not used as batteries
  - Lecture: Evidence not convincing enough

- Point 1: Electrical conductors
  - Reading: No metal wires found near vessels
  - Lecture: Local people may have discarded conductors

- Point 2: Cylinder purpose
  - Reading: Cylinders resemble those in Seleucia for storing scrolls
  - Lecture: Identical shape doesn't indicate function, purpose evolved over time

- Point 3: Devices requiring electricity
  - Reading: No devices needed electricity in ancient times
  - Lecture: Potential uses for rudimentary batteries (magic, therapy)

9. Key Words