TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: wrote

1.子项得分 任务完成度：4 组织：4 连贯与衔接：4 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章较好地完成了任务要求，阐述了阅读和听力材料中的观点，并进行了对比。但在论述过程中，有些细节表述不够准确。例如，教授并没有说只有游客看到了跳跃的鲟鱼，而是指游客可能误解了鲟鱼跳跃的原因。建议在写作时更加关注细节的准确性。

示例1： 错误：The professor, however, claims that only tourists saw the jump of sturgeon and all assumptions are incorrect. 正确：The professor, however, claims that tourists might misunderstand the reasons for sturgeon jumping and all assumptions in the reading passage are incorrect.

示例2： 错误：It is the professor's third argument that it is a misunderstanding for tourists when they saw a collide between a small boat and 200 pound creatures. 正确：It is the professor's third argument that tourists might misunderstand the situation when they see a collision between a small boat and a 200-pound sturgeon.

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构清晰，逻辑顺序也较好。但在段落衔接和过渡方面还有待加强。建议使用一些过渡词汇和短语来帮助读者更好地理解文章的逻辑关系。

示例1： 原文：As opposed to the author's argument that sturgeon jump out of the water to catch flying insects, the professor states that sturgeon did not need any food during summer in Florida rivers. 改进：Contrary to the author's argument that sturgeon jump out of the water to catch flying insects, the professor states that sturgeon did not need any food during summer in Florida rivers.

示例2： 原文：The professor continues to discredit the writer's assertion that sturgeon jump in order to remove their parasites, the professor claims that the most dangerous parasites were internal parasites rather than parasites on their scales. 改进：Furthermore, regarding the writer's assertion that sturgeon jump in order to remove their parasites, the professor claims that the most dangerous parasites were internal parasites rather than those on their scales.

5. 语法批改

Why sturgeon jump is the focus of both the writer and the professor. In the reading passage, three theories, including feeding, parasite removelremoved(misspelling) and aggression have been elaborated. The professor, however, cliamsclaims(misspelling) that only tourists saw the jump of sturgeon and all assumptions are incorrect.

As opposed to the author's argument that sturgeon jump out of the water to catch flying insects, the professor states that sturgeon did not need any food during summer in Florida rivers. She advances the theory by saying that sturgeon were feededfed(misspelling) all winters in the Gulf of MexioMexico(misspelling), where they were bottom feeders and, and(comma between independent clauses) they search food in the sea floor instead of catcingcatching(misspelling) flying insects for food.

The professor continues to discredit the writer's assertion that sturgeon jump in order to remove their parasites, the professor claims that the most dangerous parasites were internal parasites rather than parasites on their scales. In detail, she points that only fish farm sturgeon had external parasites, but fish farm sturgeon did not jump.

It is the professor's third argument that it is a misunderstanding for tourists, when they saw a collidea collided(a infinitive) between a small boat and 200 pound creatures, which contradicts to the view of the author that sturgeon jump to attack tourists, who invaded their territory. The professor contends that it seem accidental when boatthe boat(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) speeded up through sturgeon and sturgeon jumped out of the water; and thus whether the boat is in waterthe water(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) or out of the water, sturgeon still jumped out of the water at that time.

An apparent divide exists between the author and the professor on the reasons why sturgeon jump out of the water.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reasons behind sturgeon jumping out of the water are the focus of both the reading passage and the lecture. The reading passage presents three theories, including feeding, parasite removal, and aggression. However, the professor claims that these assumptions are incorrect.

Contrary to the author's argument that sturgeon jump out of the water to catch flying insects, the professor states that sturgeon do not need any food during summer in Florida rivers. She supports this by explaining that sturgeon feed all winter in the Gulf of Mexico, where they are bottom feeders and search for food on the sea floor instead of catching flying insects.

The professor also disputes the writer's assertion that sturgeon jump to remove parasites from their scales. She claims that the most dangerous parasites affecting sturgeon are internal rather than external ones found on their scales. Furthermore, she points out that only fish farm sturgeon have external parasites, but these farm-raised sturgeon do not exhibit jumping behavior.

Lastly, it is the professor's contention that tourists misunderstand when they witness a collision between a small boat and a 200-pound sturgeon. This contradicts the author's view that sturgeon jump to attack tourists who invade their territory. The professor argues that such collisions seem accidental when boats speed past jumping sturgeon; thus, whether a boat is nearby or not, sturgeon still jump out of the water.

A clear disagreement exists between the author and the professor regarding why sturgeon jump out of the water. (248 words)

Why sturgeon jump is Revised essay: Article Revision

The reasons behind sturgeon jumping out of the water are the focus of both the writer and the professor. In the reading passage, passage and the lecture. The reading passage presents three theories, including feeding, parasite removel and aggression have been elaborated. The professor, however, cliams that only tourists saw the jump of sturgeon and all removal, and aggression. However, the professor claims that these assumptions are incorrect. ¶ As opposed incorrect (Changed "cliams" to "claims" for correct spelling).

Contrary to the author's argument that sturgeon jump out of the water to catch flying insects, the professor states that sturgeon did do not need any food during summer in Florida rivers. She advances the theory supports this by saying that sturgeon were feeded explaining that sturgeon feed all winters winter in the Gulf of Mexio, Mexico (Changed "Mexio" to "Mexico" for correct spelling), where they were are bottom feeders and they search for food in on the sea floor instead of catcing catching flying insects for food. insects.

The professor continues to discredit also disputes the writer's assertion that sturgeon jump in order to remove parasites from their parasites, the professor scales. She claims that the most dangerous parasites were affecting sturgeon are internal parasites rather than parasites external ones found on their scales. In detail, Furthermore, she points out that only fish farm sturgeon had have external parasites, but fish farm sturgeon did these farm-raised sturgeon do not jump. ¶ It is the professor's third argument that exhibit jumping behavior (Changed "did not jump" to "do not exhibit jumping behavior" for clarity).

Lastly, it is a misunderstanding for tourists, the professor's contention that tourists misunderstand when they saw witness a collide collision between a small boat and 200 pound creatures, which a 200-pound sturgeon. This contradicts to the the author's view of the author that sturgeon jump to attack tourists, tourists who invaded invade their territory. The professor contends that it argues that such collisions seem accidental when boat speeded up through sturgeon and sturgeon jumped out of the water; and thus boats speed past jumping sturgeon; thus, whether the a boat is in nearby or not, sturgeon still jump out of the water or out of the water, sturgeon still jumped out of the water at that time. ¶ An apparent divide (Rephrased sentence for clarity).

A clear disagreement exists between the author and the professor on the reasons regarding why sturgeon jump out of the water.water (Changed "divide" to "disagreement" for better word choice).

8. Mind Map

Mind Map:

- Introduction
  - Sturgeon jumping behavior
  - Reading passage: three theories
  - Lecture: refutes theories

- Feeding Theory
  - Reading: catch flying insects
  - Lecture: don't need food in summer, bottom feeders in Gulf of Mexico

- Parasite Removal Theory
  - Reading: remove external parasites from scales
  - Lecture: dangerous parasites are internal, farm-raised sturgeon don't jump

- Aggression Theory
  - Reading: attack tourists invading territory
  - Lecture: collisions are accidental, sturgeon jump regardless of boats nearby

- Conclusion 
  - Disagreement between author and professor on reasons for sturgeon jumping behavior 

9. Keywords