TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the reading passage and listening material.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 3 连贯性和衔接: 3 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

总体来说，文章基本完成了任务要求，对阅读材料和听力材料进行了概括。但是，有些地方可以改进以更好地满足任务要求。首先，在引用阅读和听力材料的论点时，可以更具体地描述这些论点。其次，在讨论每个论点时，可以更详细地解释为什么听力材料反驳了阅读材料的观点。

示例1： 原文：First of all, the author of the reading passage believes that Egyptians used concrete to made some containers like stone vases that are impossible from other approaches, so they may also use it when they build pyramids. 改进：First of all, the author of the reading passage believes that Egyptians used concrete to make containers such as stone vases with long and narrow necks, which would be impossible to create through carving solid stone. This suggests that they may have also used concrete when building the pyramids.

示例2： 原文：Third, while the reading passage indicates that water level of pyramid’s interior is much higher than the exterior, which is impossible for the dry Egyptian climate, the lecturer asserts that this unusual phenomenon could be attributes to explorers or tourists. 改进：Third, while the reading passage indicates that the moisture levels inside the pyramids are much higher than expected for Egypt's dry climate, suggesting this excess moisture could be a remnant of the water that escaped from the concrete blocks as they dried, the lecturer asserts that this unusual phenomenon could be attributed to the breath of explorers or tourists visiting the pyramids over time.

4.文章结构与组织 文章的结构和组织方面有待改进。虽然文章包含了引言、正文和结论，但是每个段落的主题句不够明确，导致读者难以理解段落的主要观点。此外，段落之间的过渡可以更加自然和流畅。

建议1：在每个段落开头明确地陈述主题句，以便读者清楚地了解该段落的中心思想。 示例：Instead of "First of all, the author of the reading passage believes that Egyptians used concrete to made some containers like stone vases that are impossible from other approaches, so they may also use it when they build pyramids.", try "Firstly, the reading passage argues that Egyptians might have used concrete in pyramid construction due to their use of it in creating stone vases."

建议2：使用过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落。 示例：Instead of "But the professor proposes that Egyptians may made 2 separated pieces of that container, and put them together in order to make the stone vases.", try "However, the professor counters this argument by proposing that Egyptians might have created these vases by making two separate pieces and then joining them together."

5. 语法批改

The reading suggests that the monumental pyramids of ancient EgyptAncient Egypt(Checks upper/lower case spelling of some proper nouns) waswere(Detects potentially wrong usage of "was") build of concrete, and proposes three evidences for it. However, the professor in the lecture maintains that none of those evidence is valid.

First of allFirst(first of all (first)), the author of the reading passage believes that Egyptians used concrete to mademake('to' + non-base form) some containers like stone vases that are impossible from other approaches, so they may also use it when they build pyramids. But the professor proposes that Egyptians may mademake(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) 2 separated pieces of that container, and put them together in order to make the stone vases. Since the concretes were not used for making stone vases, they may not be used for making pyramids too.

Second, according to the reading, it can be known that researches found out a lot of bubbles through the pyramid’s microstructure, which can be explained by evaporates of water in concretes. However, the view point is denied by the professor. The professor proposes that these bubbles were actually caused by repairing from other peoplepeople,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) like Romans.

Third, while the reading passage indicates that waterthe water(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) level of pyramidthe pyramid(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.)’s interior is much higher than the exterior, which is impossible for the dry Egyptian climate, the lecturer asserts that this unusual phenomenon could be attributes to explorers or tourists. Since the interior space of pyramidthe pyramid(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.) is compressed, so people must to breath that could lead to water from their exhaleexhalation(the + verb) into the ambience air. Thus, this explanation from reading passage is not valid.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage posits that the ancient Egyptian pyramids were constructed using concrete blocks, providing three pieces of evidence to support this claim. Conversely, the lecture disputes these points and offers alternative explanations for each.

Firstly, the reading asserts that Egyptians utilized concrete in creating stone vases with intricate shapes, implying that they may have also employed this material in pyramid construction. However, the professor contends that these vases were likely crafted by carving two separate pieces and then joining them together. As such, concrete may not have been used for either stone vases or pyramid building.

Secondly, the reading cites microscopic bubbles found in samples from pyramid blocks as evidence of concrete usage since these bubbles are characteristic of dried concrete. The lecturer refutes this claim by suggesting that these bubbles could have resulted from repairs made by later civilizations, such as the Romans who were known to use concrete in their constructions.

Lastly, the reading highlights higher moisture levels inside pyramids compared to the arid Egyptian climate as a potential remnant of water evaporating from drying concrete blocks. The professor disputes this explanation by attributing the excess moisture to explorers and tourists visiting the pyramids over time. Their breath introduces moisture into the confined interior spaces which becomes trapped due to thick stone walls separating it from dry external air.

In conclusion, while the reading passage proposes that ancient Egyptian pyramids were built using concrete blocks based on three key findings, the lecture casts doubt on each piece of evidence and provides alternative explanations for their presence. (262 words)

Revised essay: The reading passage suggests that the monumental ancient Egyptian pyramids of ancient Egypt was build of were built using concrete, providing three pieces of evidence to support this claim. However, the lecture disputes these points and proposes three evidences for it. However, the professor in the lecture maintains that none of those evidence is valid. offers alternative explanations for each.

First of all, the author of the reading passage believes Firstly, the reading asserts that Egyptians used concrete to create intricate stone vases, implying that they may have also employed this material in pyramid construction. However, the professor contends that these vases were likely crafted by carving two separate pieces and then joining them together (this explanation is provided to show how the vases could have been made some containers like without using concrete). As such, concrete may not have been used for either stone vases that or pyramid building.

Secondly, the reading cites microscopic bubbles found in samples from pyramid blocks as evidence of concrete usage since these bubbles are impossible from other approaches, so they may also characteristic of dried concrete (the bubbles are mentioned as a possible sign of concrete use). The lecturer refutes this claim by suggesting that these bubbles could have resulted from repairs made by later civilizations, such as the Romans who were known to use it when they build pyramids. But the professor proposes that Egyptians may made 2 separated pieces of that container, and put them together concrete in order to make the stone vases. Since the concretes were not used for making stone vases, they may not be used for making their constructions (this alternative explanation challenges the idea that the bubbles indicate original use of concrete).

Lastly, the reading highlights higher moisture levels inside pyramids too. ¶ Second, according to the reading, it can be known that researches found out compared to the arid Egyptian climate as a lot of bubbles through the pyramid’s microstructure, which can be explained by evaporates potential remnant of water in concretes. However, the view point is denied by the professor. evaporating from drying concrete blocks (the moisture levels are presented as another piece of evidence for concrete use). The professor disputes this explanation by attributing the excess moisture to explorers and tourists visiting the pyramids over time (this alternative explanation suggests that human activity is responsible for the moisture levels rather than evaporating water from drying concrete). Their breath introduces moisture into the confined interior spaces which becomes trapped due to thick stone walls separating it from dry external air.

In conclusion, while the reading passage proposes that these bubbles ancient Egyptian pyramids were actually caused by repairing from other people like Romans. ¶ Third, while the reading passage indicates that water level of pyramid’s interior is much higher than the exterior, which is impossible for the dry Egyptian climate, the lecturer asserts that this unusual phenomenon could be attributes to explorers or tourists. Since the interior space of pyramid is compressed, so people must to breath that could lead to water from built using concrete blocks based on three key findings, the lecture casts doubt on each piece of evidence and provides alternative explanations for their exhale into the ambience air. Thus, this explanation from reading passage is not valid.presence.

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading passage: Ancient Egyptian pyramids built with concrete blocks
  - Lecture: Disputes this claim

- Point 1: Stone vases
  - Reading: Egyptians used concrete for intricate stone vases
  - Lecture: Vases likely crafted by carving and joining separate pieces

- Point 2: Microscopic bubbles
  - Reading: Bubbles in pyramid samples indicate dried concrete
  - Lecture: Bubbles could be from later repairs by civilizations like Romans

- Point 3: Higher moisture levels inside pyramids
  - Reading: Moisture due to water evaporating from drying concrete blocks
  - Lecture: Moisture introduced by explorers and tourists, trapped inside

- Conclusion
  - Lecture casts doubt on reading's evidence, provides alternative explanations

9. Keywords