TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they opposed the specific points made in the reading passage.

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 4 组织: 4 连贯性和衔接: 4 语言运用: 3

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章在任务完成度方面表现得相当不错。你成功地总结了听力材料中的观点，并详细解释了它们是如何反驳阅读材料中的论点的。然而，为了进一步提高任务完成度，建议你在总结听力材料时更加精确地使用原文中的词汇和表达。

示例1： 原文：However, in the listening material, it points out that this realist sculpture's style has been preferred by the public for a number of centuries, which means this bust might be produced in later times. 改进：However, the listening material points out that the realist sculpture style continued to be popular for several centuries after Caesar's death, which means the bust could have been created during a much later period.

示例2： 原文：The human depiction's neck was longer than the bust. 改进：The coins show Caesar with a very slim nose and long neck, but the Rhone bust depicts his nose and neck differently.

4.文章结构与组织 你的文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。每个段落都集中讨论一个具体观点，并提供支持细节。然而，在段落之间使用更明确的过渡词或短语可以使文章更加连贯。此外，尝试避免使用重复的表达，以提高文章的组织和连贯性。

建议1： 在段落之间使用过渡词或短语，如“首先”，“其次”，“最后”。

示例1： 原文：In the beginning, the passage states... 改进：Firstly, the passage states...

示例2： 原文：On the other hand, an idea was claimed by the passage... 改进：Secondly, the passage claims...

建议2： 避免使用重复的表达。

示例： 原文：But the listening material holds three ideas against the reading passage. 改进：However, the listening material presents three counterarguments to challenge the claims made in the reading passage.

5. 语法批改

The reading passage and the listening material are both talking about whether the marble bust which was found in the sediment of the Rhone River represented Julius Caesar. In the passage, it gives three opinions to support the fact that this bust actually belonged to Caesar. But the listening material holds three ideas against the reading passage.

In the beginning, the passage states that there is no flaw in the bust's appearance, which indicates that it used the realist sculpture's style, which was a prevalent style to make human bust in that time, to make the bust of Caesar. So, this bust represented Caesar. However, in the listening material, it points out that this realist sculpture's style has been preferred by the public for a number of centuries, which means this bust might be produced in later times. Hence, it was not the bust of Caesar.

On the other hand, an idea was claimed by the passage that this bust shared some similar features with other items which were made in the lifetime of Caesar. Caesar's depiction of money had the same hair stylehairstyle(hair style (hairstyle)) as the bust. But the listening material declares that the bust and the human depiction on coins only shared one similarity. The other features, such as nose and neck, were actually different. The human depiction's neck was longer than the bust.

In the end, the writer in the passage says that the Rhone River, where the bust was found, revealed that this bust belonged to Caesar. Since the change of king, it is dangerous for Roman citizens to keep Caesar bust. Thus, this bust was left in the Rhone River. Nevertheless, the professor in the listening material expresses that the statue which represented the god of ocean was also found next to the bust, which means the Rhone River is just a simple location where people used to dispose of their unnecessary items, further proving that it cannot be the bust of Caesar.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

The reading passage and the listening material both discuss whether the marble bust found in the sediment of the Rhone River represents Julius Caesar. The passage presents three arguments supporting this claim, while the listening material offers counterarguments to each point.

Initially, the passage suggests that the bust's flawless appearance indicates it was created using the realist sculpture style prevalent during Caesar's time, implying that it represents him. However, the listening material counters this by stating that this style remained popular for centuries after Caesar's death, meaning the bust could have been produced later and not necessarily depict him.

Furthermore, the passage claims that similarities between this bust and other depictions of Caesar from his lifetime, such as a shared hairstyle with images on coins, support its authenticity. In contrast, the listening material argues that only one feature is consistent between these representations while others, like nose and neck shape, differ significantly. This inconsistency casts doubt on whether it truly portrays Caesar.

Lastly, the passage posits that finding the bust in Rhone River supports its connection to Caesar since Roman citizens might have disposed of it there due to political danger following his overthrow. However, the listening material refutes this by mentioning another statue found nearby - one of Neptune - which had no political reason for disposal. This suggests that Romans simply used rivers as dumping grounds for unwanted items and does not necessarily confirm any link between this particular bust and Julius Caesar. (248 words)

Section Title: 7. Article Revision

The reading passage and the listening material are both talking about discuss whether the marble bust which was found in the sediment of the Rhone River represented represents Julius Caesar. In the passage, it gives The passage presents three opinions arguments supporting this claim, while the listening material offers counterarguments to support the fact that this bust actually belonged to Caesar. But the listening material holds three ideas against the reading passage. each point.

In the beginning, the passage states that there is no flaw in Initially, the passage suggests that the bust's appearance, which flawless appearance indicates that it used the realist sculpture's style, which was a prevalent style to make human bust in that time, to make the bust of Caesar. So, this bust represented Caesar. However, in the listening material, it points out that this realist sculpture's style has been preferred by the public for a number of centuries, which means this bust might be produced in later times. Hence, it was created using the realist sculpture style prevalent during Caesar's time, implying that it represents him (reasoning for revision: improved clarity and flow). However, the listening material counters this by stating that this style remained popular for centuries after Caesar's death, meaning the bust could have been produced later and not the bust necessarily depict him (reasoning for revision: improved clarity and flow).

Furthermore, the passage claims that similarities between this bust and other depictions of Caesar. ¶ On the other hand, an idea was claimed by the passage that this bust shared some similar features with other items which were made in the lifetime of Caesar. Caesar's depiction of money had the same hair style as the bust. But the listening material declares that the bust and the human depiction on coins only shared one similarity. The other features, Caesar from his lifetime, such as a shared hairstyle with images on coins, support its authenticity (reasoning for revision: improved clarity). In contrast, the listening material argues that only one feature is consistent between these representations while others, like nose and neck, were actually different. The human depiction's neck was longer than the bust. shape, differ significantly (reasoning for revision: improved clarity). This inconsistency casts doubt on whether it truly portrays Caesar (reasoning for revision: improved flow).

In the end, the writer Lastly, the passage posits that finding the bust in the passage says that the Rhone River, where the bust was found, revealed that this bust belonged River supports its connection to Caesar. Since the change of king, it is dangerous for Caesar since Roman citizens might have disposed of it there due to keep political danger following his overthrow (reasoning for revision: improved clarity). However, the listening material refutes this by mentioning another statue found nearby - one of Neptune - which had no political reason for disposal (reasoning for revision: improved clarity). This suggests that Romans simply used rivers as dumping grounds for unwanted items and does not necessarily confirm any link between this particular bust and Julius Caesar bust. Thus, this bust was left in the Rhone River. Nevertheless, the professor in the listening material expresses that the statue which represented the god of ocean was also found next to the bust, which means the Rhone River is just a simple location where people used to dispose of their unnecessary items, further proving that it cannot be the bust of Caesar.(reasoning for revision: improved flow).

8. Mind Map

- Introduction
  - Reading passage and listening material discussion
  - Topic: Marble bust representing Julius Caesar

- Argument 1: Realist sculpture style
  - Passage: Flawless appearance, prevalent during Caesar's time
  - Listening: Style remained popular for centuries, not necessarily depicting Caesar

- Argument 2: Similarities with other depictions of Caesar
  - Passage: Shared hairstyle with images on coins
  - Listening: Inconsistency in other features, doubt on portrayal of Caesar

- Argument 3: Bust found in Rhone River
  - Passage: Political danger after Caesar's overthrow, disposal by Roman citizens
  - Listening: Other statues found nearby, rivers as dumping grounds for unwanted items

- Conclusion:
  - Counterarguments from listening material cast doubt on the bust representing Julius Caesar.

9. Keywords