TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Listen and reading

1.Sub Scores

• Task fulfillment: 4

• Organization: 4

• Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Language Use: 3

2.Estimated Scores

• Estimated Score: 25

3.Task completeness The essay does a good job of addressing the specific requirements of the task by summarizing the main points from both the reading and listening passages. However, there is room for improvement in providing more specific details from the listening passage to support the refutation of each point from the reading passage. To improve task fulfillment, make sure to include more direct quotes or paraphrases from both sources.

Example 1: Instead of saying "Unfortunately, the decorated ceramic disks seem not to have these marks," you could say "The lecturer points out that there are no signs of discoloration or black spots on these ceramic disks, which would be expected if they were used for cooking."

Example 2: Instead of saying "Besides, back to then they had already acquired better materials for making drums," you could say "The lecturer mentions that people at that time already had access to better materials like animal skins for making drums, so it is unlikely that they would use ceramic disks."

4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing each point, and a conclusion. However, some transitions between ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Additionally, consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary.

Example 1: Instead of starting each paragraph with "First," "Second," and "Finally," try using different transition phrases like "To begin with," "Furthermore," or "Lastly."

Example 2: Vary your sentence structures by combining shorter sentences or breaking up longer ones. For instance, instead of saying "While the reading proposes three ways that the ceramic disks may apply to. However, the lecture challenges all these ways." you could say "While the reading proposes three potential uses for the ceramic disks, the lecture challenges each of these suggestions."

5. Grammar

The reading and the lecture both delve deep into the topic of the usage of ceramic disks. While the reading proposes three ways that the ceramic disks may apply to. However, the lecture challenges all these ways.

First, the reading passage claims that decorated ceramic disks can be used for cooking food, since the decoration shallow side is to prevent food from falling out of it and the handle makes it easier to remove from oven. HoweverHowever,(Commas after conjunctive/linking adverbs in front of a new sentence.) the lecture contradicts it by suggesting that every cooking utensils have the marks of discolored or black spots due to the high heat when we are putting it on the oven. Unfortunately, the decorated ceramic disks seem not to have these marks.

Second, the writer states that ceramic disks can be used for the drums. In contrast, the lecture refutes the opinion, stating that ceramic drums would make heavy sound, which is not naturally picked for drums. Besides, back to then they had already acquired better materials for making drums. There's no need to use ceramic disks to make unpleasantan unpleasant(This rule identifies whether the article 'an' is missing in a sentence.) sound.

Finally, the writer states that it can be used for mirrors, for if the shallow basin with peaceful liquid (Two consecutive spaces)in it, it would reflect other things. Contrary to the reading passage, the lecture believes that if it is true that people use it as mirrors, then the decorated side would at downside, which means no one can see the decoration. Compared to other containers used as mirrors, it is more likely that the decoration side should be vertical so, so(comma between independent clauses) everyone can see the decorations. That is to say, according to the customs at that timetime,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) ceramic disks are not convincing to be used as mirrors.

Section Title: 6. Revised Essay

The reading and the lecture both delve deep into the topic of ceramic disk usage. While the reading proposes three potential applications for these disks, the lecture challenges each of these suggestions.

Firstly, the reading passage asserts that decorated ceramic disks could be utilized for cooking food, as the shallow side with decoration prevents food from falling out and the handle facilitates easy removal from an oven. However, the lecture disputes this claim by highlighting that typical cooking utensils bear discolored or black spots due to high heat exposure during oven use. Regrettably, such marks are absent on the decorated ceramic disks in question.

Secondly, the author posits that ceramic disks might serve as components for drums. In contrast, the lecture refutes this notion by explaining that ceramic drums would produce a heavy sound not typically associated with drums. Furthermore, superior materials for drum construction were already available at that time, rendering it unnecessary to use ceramic disks for this purpose and create an unpleasant sound.

Lastly, the author suggests that these disks could function as mirrors when filled with a calm liquid in their shallow basin to create reflective surfaces. The lecture counters this argument by pointing out that if people indeed used them as mirrors, then the decorated side would face downward and remain hidden from view. Comparatively, other containers employed as mirrors typically had their decorative elements positioned vertically for everyone to see. Consequently, based on customs of that time period, it is unconvincing to consider ceramic disks as viable options for mirror usage. (262 words)

The reading and the lecture both delve deep into the topic of the usage of ceramic disks. ¶ ceramic disk usage. While the reading proposes three ways that the ceramic disks may apply to. However, potential applications for these disks (revised for clarity), the lecture challenges all each of these ways. suggestions.

First, Firstly, the reading passage claims asserts that decorated ceramic disks can could be used utilized for cooking food, since the decoration as the shallow side is to prevent with decoration prevents food from falling out of it (rephrased for better flow) and the handle makes it easier to remove facilitates easy removal from an oven. However the lecture contradicts it However, the lecture disputes this claim by suggesting that every highlighting that typical cooking utensils have the marks of bear discolored or black spots due to the high heat when we exposure during oven use (revised for better explanation). Regrettably, such marks are putting it absent on the oven. Unfortunately, the decorated ceramic disks seem not to have these marks. in question.

Second, the writer states that ceramic disks can be used for the Secondly, the author posits that ceramic disks might serve as components for drums. In contrast, the lecture refutes the opinion, stating this notion by explaining that ceramic drums would make produce a heavy sound, which is sound not naturally picked for drums. Besides, back to then they had typically associated with drums (rephrased for clarity). Furthermore, superior materials for drum construction were already acquired better materials for making drums. There's no need available at that time (added context), rendering it unnecessary to use ceramic disks to make for this purpose and create an unpleasant sound.

Finally, the writer states that it can be used for mirrors, for if the Lastly, the author suggests that these disks could function as mirrors when filled with a calm liquid in their shallow basin with peaceful liquid in it, it would reflect other things. Contrary to the reading passage, the lecture believes to create reflective surfaces (rephrased for better flow). The lecture counters this argument by pointing out that if it is true that people use it indeed used them as mirrors, then the decorated side would at downside, which means no one can see the decoration. Compared to face downward and remain hidden from view (clarified sentence structure). Comparatively, other containers used as mirrors, employed as mirrors typically had their decorative elements positioned vertically for everyone to see (added context). Consequently, based on customs of that time period (added context), it is more likely that the decoration side should be vertical so everyone can see the decorations. That is to say, according to the customs at that time ceramic disks are not convincing to be used as mirrors.unconvincing to consider ceramic disks as viable options for mirror usage.

8. Mind Map

- Ceramic Disk Usage
    - Cooking Food
        - Reading: Shallow side, handle for easy removal
        - Lecture: No discoloration or black spots from heat exposure
    - Components for Drums
        - Reading: Ceramic disks as drum parts
        - Lecture: Heavy sound, better materials available
    - Mirrors
        - Reading: Filled with calm liquid, reflective surface
        - Lecture: Decorative side hidden, other containers more suitable

9. Key Words