TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: applications of AI in various industry and pros and cons of AI

1.子项得分 任务完成度: 3 组织: 4 连贯与衔接: 4 语言使用: 3

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

虽然文章涉及了AI在各个行业的应用以及AI的优缺点，但是没有明确地回答问题。建议在文章开头明确提出问题，并在正文中详细讨论问题。此外，文章中部分内容与题目关系不大，如聊天机器人ChatGPT的用户数量等。建议删除与主题无关的内容，集中讨论AI在各行业的应用及其优缺点。

示例1（改进前）：The rise of AI technology has greatly boosted the development of the economy and has quickly taken the world by storm. ChatGPT took less than two months to reach 100 million users, the World Wide Web took seven years.

示例1（改进后）：Artificial Intelligence (AI) has been widely applied in various industries, bringing both advantages and disadvantages to our society. This essay will discuss the applications of AI in different sectors and analyze its pros and cons.

示例2（改进前）：In 2021, 62 percent of humans in Portugal will be replaced by AI.

示例2（改进后）：For instance, in Portugal, it is estimated that AI will replace around 62 percent of human jobs by 2021.

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构基本合理，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在某些段落中，主题和支持细节不够明确。建议在每个段落开头明确提出主题，并在段落中提供相关的支持细节。同时，注意使用恰当的过渡词汇，使文章更加连贯。

示例1（改进前）：AI technology can already predict the weather and remind people to protect crops in time, and it can use a wealth of data to determine the most comfortable temperature for crops to manage production.

示例1（改进后）：In agriculture, AI technology has been utilized to predict the weather, enabling farmers to protect their crops timely. Moreover, AI can analyze vast amounts of data to determine the optimal temperature for crop growth, thus enhancing production efficiency.

示例2（改进前）：Some robots can interact with humans without barriers. For example, they can offer personalized financial services and answer some basic questions from humans.

示例2（改进后）：In the financial services sector, AI-powered robots are capable of interacting seamlessly with humans. They provide personalized financial advice and address basic queries from customers, improving customer experience and service efficiency.

5. 语法批改

The rise of AI technology has greatly boosted the development of the economy and has quickly taken the world by storm. ChatGPT took less than two months to reach 100 million users, the World Wide Web took seven years. Firstly, what is AI? AI is the ability of a computer or robot to perform tasks that are commonly associated with the intellectual characteristics of humans. In 2021, 62 percent of humans in Portugal will be replaced by AI. The human workforce will gradually be replaced by AI. The structure and composition of the labor market will be profoundly changed by AI, e.g. in manufacturing, education, the arts, and agriculture. Manufacturing AI will be used extensively in the manufacturing industry. Machines will be able to work automatically in production. They will produce large quantities of goods while the production process could be consistent. It is predicted that automation will replace 20 million manufacturing jobs by 2030. 82.3% of industrial robots can be found in the manufacturing industry.

Agriculture AI technology can already predict the weather and remind people to protect crops in time, and it can use a wealth of data to determine the most comfortable temperature for crops to manage production. AI can also increase the efficiency of production through precise calculations. The degree of mechanization of plant cultivation has been increased to 75 percent.

Fashion industry A clothing collection generated by artificial intelligence was presented at London International Fashion Week. Matthew DrinkwaterDrink water(misspelling), Head of Innovation at London University of Fashion. He predicted last year that generative AI could contribute between 150 and 275 billion dollars to the fashion and luxury industry's operating profits in the next three to five years

Financial services Some robots can interact with humans without barriers. For example, they can offer personalized financial services and answer some basic questions from humans. Also, AI can detect financial fraud by analyzing trading actions and predicting the fluctuation of the financial market, which helps people make critical decisions and offers them suitable options. SuoxindaLucinda(misspelling) used AI to predict the loss of users and recovered 1.86 billion yuan for a bank.

In various professional fields, everyone is deeply involved in AI technology, and due to the high productivity of AI, workers are gradually being replaced by AI. Many people are at risk of losing their jobs in the future and unemployment is on the rise. Over time, the development of different industries has unlimited prospects. From the manufacturing industry to the financial industry, from the art industry to agriculture, AI is currently permeating all industries.

(2) Effects The labor market generally strives for a more effective production system because it hopes that production costs can be reduced as much as possible. Artificial intelligence is finding its way into many different industries and brings some benefits to society. (1) Some professions such as construction workers, police officers, and firefighters are extremely risky and sometimes put people’s lives at risk. If AI replaces these humans in their work, many lives can be saved. This will allow more people to focus on more creative and valuable tasks, and people will feel happier and lead more enjoyable lives. (2) AI can do tedious work repeatedly and without breaks, while humans are only productive for about 3-43–4(40-70 (40–70)) hours a day. An example of this is automotive assembly. AI can perform different tasks such as welding, painting, and packaging repeatedly and at high speed, thus reducing production costs. (3) AI can reduce the basic problems that are likely to be caused by humans, such as the transmission of incorrect information and data loss. Most industries agree that 70 to 80 percent of failures and 75 percent of data loss are due to human error. The use of AI makes production more successful and efficient. However, there are also some negative effects of AI technology. (1)Some traditional professions are at risk of unemployment due to AI, resulting in fewer people being able to afford daily expenses and thus having a lower standard of living. For example, waiters and some content producers can easily be replaced by AI in the future. (2) The popularity of AI will lead to a technological divide between high-skilled and low-skilled workers. The income of high-skilled workers will increase and that of low-skilled workers will decrease, which will increase income inequality. In the future, low-skilled workers will no longer be able to meet their daily expenses. (3) High environmental costs of the AI industry. Lengthy AI research and operation processes cause more carbon emissions and lead to more air pollution. High-tech AI research can consume various environmental resources. According to Microsoft's environmental report, the process of creating large-scale language models has rapidly increased the company's water consumption - by 34 percent in one year. By 2027, the global water demand for artificial intelligence could be equivalent to half of the UK's water consumption.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

The emergence of AI technology has significantly propelled economic development and rapidly gained global attention. For instance, ChatGPT reached 100 million users in less than two months, while the World Wide Web took seven years.

AI refers to the capacity of a computer or robot to execute tasks typically associated with human intellect. By 2021, it is estimated that 62 percent of the workforce in Portugal will be replaced by AI. Consequently, the labor market's structure and composition will undergo drastic changes in various sectors such as manufacturing, education, arts, and agriculture.

Manufacturing: AI is poised to play a substantial role in the manufacturing industry. Automated machines will streamline production processes and maintain consistency while generating large quantities of goods. It is projected that automation will replace 20 million manufacturing jobs by 2030, with 82.3% of industrial robots operating within this sector.

Agriculture: Current AI technology can predict weather patterns and prompt timely crop protection measures. Additionally, it utilizes extensive data to determine optimal temperatures for crop management and enhances production efficiency through precise calculations. As a result, plant cultivation mechanization has increased to 75 percent.

Fashion Industry: During London International Fashion Week, a clothing collection created by artificial intelligence was showcased. Matthew Drinkwater, Head of Innovation at London University of Fashion, estimated that generative AI could contribute between $150 billion and $275 billion to the fashion and luxury industry's operating profits within three to five years.

Financial Services: AI-powered robots can interact seamlessly with humans by providing personalized financial services and answering basic questions. Furthermore, AI can detect financial fraud through trading action analysis and predict market fluctuations to aid critical decision-making processes. For example, Suoxinda utilized AI to predict user losses and recovered ¥1.86 billion for a bank.

As AI technology permeates various professional fields due to its high productivity, workers are gradually being replaced, increasing the risk of unemployment. From manufacturing to finance and from arts to agriculture, AI is revolutionizing all industries.

Effects: The labor market generally seeks more efficient production systems to minimize costs. AI's integration into numerous industries offers several societal benefits:

1. High-risk professions such as construction workers, police officers, and firefighters often endanger lives. AI can replace humans in these roles, saving lives and allowing people to focus on creative and valuable tasks for increased happiness and fulfillment.

2. AI can perform repetitive tasks tirelessly, while human productivity typically lasts 3-4 hours daily. For example, in automotive assembly, AI can execute various tasks like welding, painting, and packaging at high speeds, thus reducing production costs.

3. AI can mitigate issues caused by human error such as incorrect information transmission and data loss. Approximately 70-80% of failures and 75% of data loss are attributed to human mistakes. Implementing AI enhances production success and efficiency.

However, AI technology also presents some drawbacks:

1. Traditional professions face unemployment risks due to AI advancements, leading to decreased living standards for those unable to afford daily expenses.

2. The widespread adoption of AI may exacerbate the technological divide between high-skilled and low-skilled workers. As high-skilled workers' income increases while low-skilled workers' wages decline, income inequality will intensify.

3. The environmental costs associated with the AI industry are substantial. Lengthy research processes contribute to carbon emissions and air pollution. High-tech AI research consumes various environmental resources; Microsoft's environmental report reveals that large-scale language model creation increased the company's water consumption by 34% within a year. By 2027, global water demand for artificial intelligence could equal half of the UK's water consumption. (588 words)

The rise emergence of AI technology has greatly boosted the significantly propelled economic development of the economy and has quickly taken the world by storm. and rapidly gained global attention (revised for clarity and conciseness). For instance, ChatGPT took reached 100 million users in less than two months to reach 100 million users, months, while the World Wide Web took seven years.

Firstly, what is AI? AI is the ability AI refers to the capacity of a computer or robot to perform execute tasks that are commonly typically associated with the intellectual characteristics of humans. In human intellect (clarified definition). By 2021, it is estimated that 62 percent of humans the workforce in Portugal will be replaced by AI. The human workforce Consequently, the labor market's structure and composition will gradually be replaced by AI. The structure and composition of the labor market will be profoundly changed by AI, e.g. undergo drastic changes in various sectors such as manufacturing, education, the arts, and agriculture. ¶ Manufacturing ¶ AI agriculture (improved sentence structure).

Manufacturing:

AI is poised to play a substantial role in the manufacturing industry (more concise). Automated machines will be used extensively in the manufacturing industry. Machines will be able to work automatically in production. They will produce streamline production processes and maintain consistency while generating large quantities of goods while the production process could be consistent. goods. It is predicted projected that automation will replace 20 million manufacturing jobs by 2030. 2030, with 82.3% of industrial robots can be found in the manufacturing industry. ¶ Agriculture ¶ operating within this sector (improved sentence structure).

Agriculture:

Current AI technology can already predict the weather and remind people to protect crops in time, and patterns and prompt timely crop protection measures (more concise). Additionally, it can use a wealth of utilizes extensive data to determine the most comfortable temperature optimal temperatures for crops to manage production. AI can also increase the crop management and enhances production efficiency of production through precise calculations. The degree of mechanization of As a result, plant cultivation mechanization has been increased to 75 percent. percent (improved sentence structure).

Fashion industry ¶ A Industry:

During London International Fashion Week, a clothing collection generated created by artificial intelligence was presented at London International Fashion Week. showcased (more concise). Matthew Drinkwater, Head of Innovation at London University of Fashion. He predicted last year Fashion, estimated that generative AI could contribute between 150 and 275 $150 billion dollars and $275 billion to the fashion and luxury industry's operating profits in the next within three to five years (improved sentence structure).

Financial services ¶ Some Services:

AI-powered robots can interact seamlessly with humans without barriers. For example, they can offer by providing personalized financial services and answer some answering basic questions from humans. Also, (more concise). Furthermore, AI can detect financial fraud by analyzing through trading actions and predicting the fluctuation of the financial market, which helps people make action analysis and predict market fluctuations to aid critical decisions and offers them suitable options. decision-making processes. For example, Suoxinda used utilized AI to predict the loss of users user losses and recovered 1.86 ¥1.86 billion yuan for a bank. ¶ In bank (improved sentence structure).

As AI technology permeates various professional fields, everyone is deeply involved in AI technology, and fields due to the its high productivity of AI, productivity, workers are gradually being replaced by AI. Many people are at replaced, increasing the risk of losing their jobs in the future and unemployment (more concise). From manufacturing to finance and from arts to agriculture, AI is on the rise. Over time, the development of different revolutionizing all industries has unlimited prospects. From the manufacturing industry to the financial industry, from the art industry to agriculture, AI is currently permeating all industries. ¶ (2) Effects (improved sentence structure).

Effects:

The labor market generally strives for a more effective seeks more efficient production system because it hopes that production systems to minimize costs can be reduced as much as possible. Artificial intelligence is finding its way (more concise). AI's integration into many different numerous industries and brings some benefits to society. ¶ (offers several societal benefits:

1) Some High-risk professions such as construction workers, police officers, and firefighters are extremely risky and sometimes put people’s lives at risk. If AI replaces these often endanger lives. AI can replace humans in their work, many these roles, saving lives can be saved. This will allow more and allowing people to focus on more creative and valuable tasks, and people will feel happier and lead more enjoyable lives. ¶ (tasks for increased happiness and fulfillment (improved sentence structure).

2) AI can do tedious work repeatedly and without breaks, perform repetitive tasks tirelessly, while humans are only productive for about human productivity typically lasts 3-4 hours a day. An example of this is daily (more concise). For example, in automotive assembly. assembly, AI can perform different execute various tasks such as like welding, painting, and packaging repeatedly and at high speed, speeds, thus reducing production costs. ¶ (costs (improved sentence structure).

3) AI can reduce the basic problems that are likely to be mitigate issues caused by humans, human error such as the transmission of incorrect information transmission and data loss. Most industries agree that 70 to 80 percent loss (more concise). Approximately 70-80% of failures and 75 percent 75% of data loss are attributed to human mistakes. Implementing AI enhances production success and efficiency (improved sentence structure).

However, AI technology also presents some drawbacks:

1) Traditional professions face unemployment risks due to human error. The use of AI makes production more successful and efficient. ¶ However, there are also some negative effects of AI technology. ¶ (1)Some traditional professions are at risk of unemployment due to AI, resulting in fewer people being able AI advancements, leading to decreased living standards for those unable to afford daily expenses and thus having a lower standard of living. For example, waiters and some content producers can easily be replaced by AI in the future. ¶ ((more concise).

2) The popularity of AI will lead to a widespread adoption of AI may exacerbate the technological divide between high-skilled and low-skilled workers. The As high-skilled workers' income of high-skilled workers increases while low-skilled workers' wages decline, income inequality will increase and that of low-skilled workers will decrease, which will increase income inequality. In the future, low-skilled workers will no longer be able to meet their daily expenses. ¶ (intensify (improved sentence structure).

3) High The environmental costs of the AI industry. associated with the AI industry are substantial. Lengthy AI research and operation processes cause more contribute to carbon emissions and lead to more air pollution. High-tech AI research can consume consumes various environmental resources. According to resources; Microsoft's environmental report, the process of creating report reveals that large-scale language models has rapidly model creation increased the company's water consumption - by 34 percent in one 34% within a year. By 2027, the global water demand for artificial intelligence could be equivalent to equal half of the UK's water consumption.consumption (improved sentence structure).

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Section Title: 8. Mind Map

Essay Structure and Points of Lecture

• Introduction

  • Emergence of AI technology
  • Example: ChatGPT reaching 100 million users

• AI Definition and Impact on Workforce

  • AI replacing human tasks
  • Estimated workforce replacement in Portugal

• Industry Examples

  • Manufacturing
    • Automation and industrial robots
  • Agriculture
    • Weather prediction and crop management
  • Fashion Industry
    • Generative AI in clothing design
  • Financial Services
    • Personalized services and fraud detection

• Effects of AI on Labor Market and Society

  1. Positive Effects: a) Replacing high-risk professions b) Performing repetitive tasks tirelessly c) Reducing human error
  2. Negative Effects: a) Unemployment risks for traditional professions b) Exacerbating the technological divide c) Environmental costs

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Section Title: 9. Keywords