TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your protessor is teacning a sociology class. wvrite a post responding to the professor's question.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

从任务完成度的角度来看，这篇文章基本上满足了题目要求，表达了作者对社交媒体影响者的负面看法，并且提到了与阅读材料中的观点。然而，文章在支持观点方面还有待加强。例如，作者可以提供更多具体的例子来证明社交媒体影响者对人们产生负面影响。此外，语言使用和语法方面也有一些错误需要改进。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. Instead of saying "social medium always make people fused," you could say "social media can often lead to information overload, causing confusion among users."

2. To provide a more specific example, you could write "For instance, an influencer might promote a weight loss product without proper research, leading their followers to try potentially harmful methods."

4. 文章结构与组织

从文章结构和组织的角度来看，这篇文章整体上是清晰的，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落内部逻辑和过渡方面还有待加强。建议在每个段落中明确提出一个主要观点，并用详细的例子和论据来支持。同时，使用恰当的过渡词和短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

改进建议示例（英文）：

1. In the first paragraph, you could add a clear topic sentence, such as "Social media influencers have a negative impact on society due to the spread of misinformation and their excessive influence on followers' choices."

2. To improve transitions between ideas, you could use phrases like "On the other hand" or "Furthermore" to show contrast or add additional information. For example: "On the other hand, Kelly argues that influencers make it easier for people to access information; however, this convenience may come at the cost of reduced critical thinking and decision-making abilities among followers."

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, the influencers (Two consecutive spaces)have negative effects on society, because social medium always make people fused and, and(comma between independent clauses) it has a lot of fake news. I concur with Paul’s perspective that the influencers have too much influence, they just mention something and their opinions have big effect on society. Furthermore, I believe that ensuring the truth of the information is difficult. With a lot of messages on the internet, people don’t have the ability to classify the information. For example, a some onesomeone(any body (anybody)) may saidsay(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) that terrible weather will occur on tomorrow, however, the influencer may be a primary school students. While Kelly raised the relevant viewpoint that influencers make the process of getting the information more easiereasier(No 'more' or 'most' before comparatives), but she didn’t mention that it is not good to have so muchmany('much' + countable noun, e.g. 'much (many) children') informationsinformation(legal term: informations) which will confuse people and reduce their concentration.

Section Title: The Impact of Influencers on Society

In my opinion, social media influencers generally have a negative impact on their followers due to the potential spread of misinformation and their excessive influence. I agree with Paul's assertion that influencers wield too much power; a mere mention of a product can lead to it being sold out, indicating that followers may not be thinking critically and are simply following influencers' choices. Moreover, verifying the accuracy of information shared by influencers can be challenging. With the vast amount of content available online, individuals often struggle to discern reliable sources from unreliable ones. For instance, an influencer might claim that severe weather is imminent, but their credibility could be questionable if they lack expertise in meteorology. While Kelly makes a valid point about the convenience of obtaining information through influencers, she fails to address the potential drawbacks associated with information overload, which can lead to confusion and diminished focus among followers. (159 words)

In my opinion, the influencers social media influencers generally have a negative effects impact on society, because social medium always make people fused and it has a lot of fake news. their followers (revised for clarity and conciseness) due to the potential spread of misinformation (rephrased to specify the issue) and their excessive influence. I concur agree with Paul’s perspective Paul's assertion that the influencers have wield too much influence, power (rephrased for natural tone); a mere mention of a product can lead to it being sold out, indicating that followers may not be thinking critically and are simply following influencers' choices (expanded for clarity). Moreover, verifying the accuracy of information shared by influencers can be challenging (rephrased for natural tone). With the vast amount of content available online, individuals often struggle to discern reliable sources from unreliable ones (rephrased for clarity). For instance, an influencer might claim that severe weather is imminent, but their credibility could be questionable if they just mention something and their opinions have big effect on society. Furthermore, I believe that ensuring the truth of the information is difficult. With a lot of messages on the internet, people don’t have the ability to classify the information. For example, a some one may said that terrible weather will occur on tomorrow, however, the influencer may be a primary school students. lack expertise in meteorology (expanded example for clarity). While Kelly raised the relevant viewpoint that influencers make the process of getting the makes a valid point about the convenience of obtaining information more easier, but through influencers, she didn’t mention that it is not good to have so much informations fails to address the potential drawbacks associated with information overload (rephrased for natural tone), which will confuse people and reduce their concentration.can lead to confusion and diminished focus among followers (clarified consequences).

8 思维导图

graph TD
A[The Impact of Influencers on Society]
B[Negative Impact]
C[Misinformation]
D[Excessive Influence]
E[Critical Thinking]
F[Accuracy Verification]
G[Reliable Sources]
H[Unreliable Sources]
I[Credibility and Expertise]
J[Information Overload]

A --> B
B --> C
B --> D
D --> E
C --> F
F --> G
F --> H
C --> I
B --> J

9 关键词