TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: wvrite a post responaing to tne proressorsquestion.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了教授的问题，并表达了自己的观点。但是，你可以更加深入地阐述你的观点，以及提供更多具体的例子来支持你的论点。此外，尝试避免使用重复的词汇和表达。

改进建议示例：

1. "Moreover, giving students high marks because they worked hard enough is unfair to those who initially achieved excellent results." 改为 "Moreover, rewarding students with high marks solely for their effort is unfair to those who excel academically from the start."

2. "When students enter the firm, they will find that the leader does not care about how hard they work, he only cares about the output." 改为 "In a professional setting, employers often prioritize results over effort, as they are more concerned with the overall productivity of their employees."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面，你已经有了明确的引言、主体和结论。然而，在段落之间添加更清晰的过渡语句可以使文章更连贯。同时，请确保每个段落都聚焦于一个特定观点，并提供相关细节支持。

改进建议示例：

1. 在第二段和第三段之间添加过渡语句，如 "On the other hand, Paul's argument also has some merit, but it is important to consider the following points."

2. 在主体段落中使用更多的主题句来引导读者，例如 "One reason why grading based on performance is more effective is that it encourages students to focus on their academic achievements rather than just their effort."

5. 语法批改

From my point of view, Kelly has a better point.

In general, many people are engaged in inefficient and self-fulfilling efforts. Evaluating achievements only by the end result is telling students that they're trying in the wrong direction. Moreover, giving students high marks because they worked hard enough is unfair to those who initially achieved excellent results.

As for Kelly's argument, I can't agree more. Because professors who give high marks to students for their effort will make better students feel extremely terrible about being treated unfairly.

Although Paul's point has some truth in it, we have to know that effort is not always valuable. When students enter the firm, they will find that the leader does not care about how hard they work, he only cares about the output.

Therefore, only when students are graded based on performance are helping them to learn the truth of entering the society in the future, which is very helpful for their future career development.

Title: 6 Article Revision

In my opinion, Kelly presents a stronger argument.

Generally, many individuals engage in unproductive and self-serving endeavors. Assessing accomplishments solely by the final outcome communicates to students that their efforts are misguided. Furthermore, awarding high grades to students based on their diligence is unjust to those who initially achieve outstanding results.

Regarding Kelly's stance, I wholeheartedly concur. Professors who grant high marks to students for their diligence create a sense of injustice among high-performing students, leading to dissatisfaction and demotivation.

While Paul's perspective holds some merit, it is crucial to recognize that effort does not always equate to value. Upon entering the workforce, students will discover that supervisors prioritize results over hard work; the focus lies on output rather than the expended effort.

Hence, grading students based on performance alone prepares them for the realities of professional life and significantly contributes to their future career development. This approach fosters a competitive environment that encourages continuous improvement and drives individuals towards success. (165 words)

From In my point of view, opinion, Kelly has presents a better point. ¶ In general, stronger argument (revised for clarity and natural tone).

Generally, many people individuals engage in unproductive and self-serving endeavors (rephrased for clarity and conciseness). Assessing accomplishments solely by the final outcome communicates to students that their efforts are engaged in inefficient and self-fulfilling efforts. Evaluating achievements only by the end result misguided (revised for natural tone). Furthermore, awarding high grades to students based on their diligence is telling students that they're trying in the wrong direction. Moreover, giving students high marks because they worked hard enough is unfair unjust to those who initially achieved excellent results. ¶ As for achieve outstanding results (rephrased for clarity).

Regarding Kelly's argument, stance, I can't agree more. Because professors wholeheartedly concur (revised for natural tone). Professors who give grant high marks to students for their diligence create a sense of injustice among high-performing students, leading to dissatisfaction and demotivation (rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

While Paul's perspective holds some merit (revised for natural tone), it is crucial to recognize that effort will make better students feel extremely terrible about being treated unfairly. ¶ Although Paul's point has some truth in it, we have to know that effort is does not always valuable. When students enter the firm, they equate to value (rephrased for clarity). Upon entering the workforce, students will find that the leader does not care about how discover that supervisors prioritize results over hard they work, he only cares about the output. ¶ Therefore, only when students are graded work; the focus lies on output rather than the expended effort (rephrased for clarity and conciseness).

Hence, grading students based on performance are helping alone prepares them to learn the truth for the realities of entering the society in the future, which is very helpful for professional life and significantly contributes to their future career development.development (rephrased for clarity). This approach fosters a competitive environment that encourages continuous improvement and drives individuals towards success (added explanation of benefits).

8 思维导图

- 主题: 评价学生的表现
  - Kelly的观点
    - 成绩应该基于表现
    - 公平性问题
    - 高分对努力学生的影响
  - Paul的观点
    - 努力程度也应该被考虑
    - 学术界与职业生涯的区别
  - 结论
    - 表现为主要评价标准更合适
    - 准备学生面对职业生活的现实挑战

9 关键词