TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Would you support or oppose taxing unhealthy products? Why?

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得相对不错，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地阐述你的观点，例如解释为什么只对香烟和酒精征税而不是所有不健康的产品。此外，你可以提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。最后，在语法和词汇方面也需要加强。

示例1：在文章中明确指出，征税范围仅限于香烟和酒精饮料，并解释这样做的原因。 示例2：使用更多具体的数据或例子来说明征税如何减少香烟和酒精饮料的消费。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章整体结构尚可，但可以进一步优化。首先，在引言部分明确提出自己的观点，并在正文部分逐一阐述论据。此外，在段落之间使用过渡词或短语以使文章更连贯。最后，在结论部分总结自己的观点并重申论据。

示例1：在引言部分，可以这样写：“在这个问题上，我认为只对香烟和酒精饮料征税是有意义的。” 示例2：在段落之间加入过渡词，如：“首先，我同意Sam的观点，提高价格可能会降低人们购买某些不健康产品的意愿。其次，香烟和酒精并非人们生活必需品，因此不会对低收入家庭造成伤害。”

5. 语法批改

While I think both of Sam and Tanya’s opinions are reasonable, I strongly believe that the idea of taxing on unhealthy products is meaningful, (Two consecutive spaces)as long as the products be limited to harmful things like cigarette and alcohol drinks. On one hand, I agree with Sam that higher price may discourage people from buying certain unhealthy products. As a result, the detrimental effects, such as lung cancer caused by smoking, will be reduced. On the other hand, cigarette and alcohol are not necessary food for people’s living, so it won’t cause harm to those low income families. Poor people are more vulnerable to those addictive products because they need something to help then forget about the stress in their daily life. If the government increaseincreases(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) the selling product of alcohol, excessive drinking will be less frequently.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

While both Sam and Tanya present valid points, I firmly believe that implementing taxes on unhealthy products is a meaningful approach, provided that the taxed items are limited to harmful substances such as cigarettes and alcoholic beverages. On one hand, I concur with Sam that increased prices may deter individuals from purchasing certain detrimental products, subsequently reducing the prevalence of associated health issues such as lung cancer caused by smoking. On the other hand, cigarettes and alcohol are not essential for sustenance; therefore, taxing these items should not adversely impact low-income families. It is worth noting that economically disadvantaged individuals may be more susceptible to addiction due to their reliance on such substances as a means of coping with daily stressors. By raising the cost of these harmful products through taxation, excessive consumption could potentially decrease. (141 words)

While I think both of Sam and Tanya’s opinions are reasonable, Tanya present valid points (clarification: acknowledging both perspectives), I strongly firmly believe that the idea of taxing implementing taxes on unhealthy products is meaningful, a meaningful approach (word choice: stronger expression of belief), provided that the taxed items are limited to harmful substances such as long as the products cigarettes and alcoholic beverages (clarification: specifying which products should be limited to harmful things like cigarette and alcohol drinks. taxed). On one hand, I agree concur with Sam that higher price (word choice: more formal) that increased prices may discourage people deter individuals from buying purchasing certain unhealthy products. As a result, the detrimental effects, products (word choice: more precise language), subsequently reducing the prevalence of associated health issues such as lung cancer caused by smoking, will be reduced. smoking. On the other hand, cigarette cigarettes and alcohol are not necessary food essential for people’s living, so it won’t cause harm to those low income sustenance (word choice: clearer explanation); therefore, taxing these items should not adversely impact low-income families. Poor people are more vulnerable to those addictive products because they need something to help then forget about the stress in It is worth noting that economically disadvantaged individuals may be more susceptible to addiction due to their reliance on such substances as a means of coping with daily life. If the government increase the selling product of alcohol, stressors (additional context: explaining why low-income individuals might be more vulnerable). By raising the cost of these harmful products through taxation, excessive drinking will be less frequently.consumption could potentially decrease (clarification: connecting taxation to reduced consumption).

8 思维导图

- Introduction
  - Implementing taxes on unhealthy products
  - Limited to harmful substances (cigarettes and alcohol)

- Sam's argument
  - Increased prices may deter individuals from purchasing detrimental products
  - Reducing health issues (e.g., lung cancer from smoking)

- Tanya's counterargument
  - Unhealthy products not essential for sustenance
  - Taxing should not adversely impact low-income families

- Additional point
  - Economically disadvantaged individuals more susceptible to addiction
  - Reliance on substances as a means of coping with stressors

- Conclusion
  - Raising the cost of harmful products through taxation could decrease excessive consumption.

9 关键词