TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Would it generally be better for a new university graduate to begin working for a large, established company, or for a small start-up company? Why?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

总体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了问题，提出了选择大型公司的观点，并给出了一些支持观点的例子。但是，文章可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在讨论小型创业公司的优势时，可以更具体地说明为什么这些优势不足以使其成为新毕业生的首选。其次，尝试引入更多具体的例子和数据来支持你的观点。

示例1（改进）：虽然小型创业公司可能会提供更多激动人心的机会，但新毕业生可能会面临更大的职业风险。相比之下，在大型公司工作可以提供更稳定的职位和收入来源。

示例2（改进）：在大型公司工作还有助于新毕业生建立广泛的人际关系网络。与来自不同部门和背景的同事合作将有助于他们在未来寻找其他职位或发展自己的事业。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构基本清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，尝试在引言中更明确地提出你的观点。其次，在正文部分，可以考虑使用更多的段落来组织你的论据，使文章更加有条理。

示例1（改进）：引言改进：“在我看来，对于新毕业生来说，在大型、成熟的公司工作通常会带来更多的职业发展机会和稳定性。”

示例2（改进）：正文段落调整：可以将正文分为两个段落，第一个段落讨论大型公司的优势，如项目经验和人际关系网络；第二个段落讨论小型创业公司的优势，并解释为什么这些优势不足以使其成为首选。

5. 语法批改

Andrew presents a compelling argument in favor of working for a small start-upstartup company after graduation. Admittedly, experience in a start-upstartup company can be excitedexciting and memorable. However, considering the background and further development forof a newly minted graduate entering the workforce, I am inclined to choose a large, older company with an established reputation for my first job. In my view, a larger and older company usually has more opportunities for its employees to conduct bigger projects and work with exceptional people. It is a good way for us to gain useful skills and networkingnetwork from these experiences. For example, my cousin Robert found a job inat Microsoft companyafter graduation through a lot of hard work after graduation.work. Although his university is not highly ranked, he learntlearned a lot during his work and met many talented colleagues and friends there. Now he becomesis one of the most successful alumni in his university. Therefore, I firmly believe that working for an established company is better for a new university graduate to improve histheir working skills and expand histheir social circle.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Andrew presents a compelling argument in favor of working for a small start-up company after graduation. Admittedly, experience in a start-up can be exhilarating and memorable. However, considering the background and further development for a newly minted graduate entering the workforce, I am inclined to choose a large, established company for my first job. In my view, such companies typically offer more opportunities for employees to undertake significant projects and collaborate with exceptional individuals. This environment allows us to acquire valuable skills and establish professional networks from these experiences. For instance, my cousin Robert secured a position at Microsoft through diligent efforts after graduation. Although his university is not highly ranked, he gained substantial knowledge during his tenure and connected with numerous talented colleagues and friends there. Now he is one of the most successful alumni from his university. Therefore, I firmly believe that working for an established company is more advantageous for new university graduates seeking to enhance their professional skills and expand their social circles. (172 words)

Andrew presents a compelling argument in favor of working for a small start-up company after graduation. Admittedly, experience in a start-up company can be excited exhilarating (reason: "excited" is an adjective, while "exhilarating" is the correct form to describe the experience) and memorable. However, considering the background and further development for a newly minted graduate entering the workforce, I am inclined to choose a large, older established (reason: "older" may imply outdated or less innovative; "established" conveys stability and success) company with an established reputation for my first job. In my view, a larger and older company usually has such companies typically offer more opportunities for its employees to conduct bigger undertake significant (reason: "bigger" can be vague; "significant" implies importance and impact) projects and work collaborate with exceptional people. It is a good way for individuals (reason: "people" is informal; "individuals" is more professional). This environment allows us to gain useful acquire valuable skills and networking establish professional networks from these experiences. For example, instance, my cousin Robert found a job in secured (reason: "found" is informal; "secured" implies effort and achievement) a position at Microsoft company through a lot diligent efforts (reason: specifying the type of hard work adds clarity) after graduation. Although his university is not highly ranked, he learnt a lot gained substantial knowledge (reason: specifying what he learned adds clarity) during his work and met many tenure and connected with numerous talented colleagues and friends there. Now he becomes is one of the most successful alumni in from his university. Therefore, I firmly believe that working for an established company is better for a more advantageous (reason: stronger word choice than just "better") for new university graduate to improve his working graduates seeking to enhance their professional skills and expand his their social circle.circles (reason: clarifies what type of circle).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Small start-up vs large established company

2. Opportunities in large companies
   - Significant projects
   - Collaboration with exceptional individuals

3. Acquiring valuable skills
   - Learning from experienced professionals

4. Establishing professional networks
   - Connecting with talented colleagues and friends

5. Example: Cousin Robert at Microsoft
   - Success despite not attending a highly ranked university

6. Conclusion
   - Advantages of working for an established company for new graduates

9 关键词