TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: With the decrease in cash usage due to the rise of online payments, do you consider this trend to be positive or negative? Why or why not?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 2.5

2. 预估分数

• 20

3. 任务完成度

你的文章在一定程度上回答了问题，但还有很多需要改进的地方。首先，你需要更详细地解释为什么在线支付对社会有积极影响。此外，你应该提供更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。最后，在语法和词汇方面也需要加强。

示例1（改进前）：Digital money can help people to avoid taking charge. 示例1（改进后）：Digital payments can help people avoid the hassle of dealing with change, as transactions are often more precise.

示例2（改进前）：There are also apps can help people to count down their spending, and the apps can even have more version. 示例2（改进后）：There are also budgeting apps that can help people track their spending, offering various features to assist in financial management.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面也有待提高。首先，应该在开头部分明确地陈述你的观点。接下来，在正文部分，每段都应该集中讨论一个具体的论点，并提供相关的支持细节。最后，在结尾部分总结你的主要观点，并简要重申为什么你认为在线支付是积极的趋势。此外，确保在段落之间使用清晰的过渡词或短语。

示例1（改进前）：I firmly believe it is a positive elements for the society. 示例1（改进后）：I firmly believe that the decrease in cash usage due to the rise of online payments is a positive trend for society.

示例2（改进前）：Online payment are more convenient. 示例2（改进后）：One major advantage of online payments is their convenience, as they allow users to complete transactions quickly and easily using their smartphones.

5. 语法批改

I firmly believe it is a positive elementsa positive element(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) for the society. Using cash has its own merits, as Claire says it does can help people to have a sense of money spending. However, online payment brings people more merits. Online payment are more convenient. The price of the products are not same. If people use cash to pay the bills, there will be coins and some small money. Digital money can help people to avoid taking charge. There are also apps can help people to count down their spending, and the apps can even have more version.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, the shift towards online payments is a positive development for society. While Claire argues that using cash provides a tangible sense of spending, the benefits of digital transactions far outweigh this advantage. Online payments offer unparalleled convenience, allowing individuals to make purchases without the need for physical currency, which can be cumbersome and lead to issues with coins and small change. Furthermore, there are numerous applications available that assist users in tracking their expenses, often providing even more detailed insights than traditional cash-based methods. Thus, the rise of online payments enhances our daily lives by streamlining transactions and promoting efficient financial management. (108 words)

I firmly believe it In my opinion, the shift towards online payments is a positive elements development for society (clarified the society. Using topic and stated the position). While Claire argues that using cash has its own merits, as Claire says it does can help people to have provides a tangible sense of money spending. However, online payment brings people more merits. spending (referenced Claire's opinion), the benefits of digital transactions far outweigh this advantage (provided contrast). Online payment are more convenient. The price of payments offer unparalleled convenience (emphasized the products are not same. If people use cash benefit), allowing individuals to pay make purchases without the bills, there will need for physical currency, which can be cumbersome and lead to issues with coins and some small money. Digital money can help people to avoid taking charge. There change (explained the problem with cash). Furthermore, there are also apps can help people to count down numerous applications available that assist users in tracking their spending, expenses (introduced another advantage), often providing even more detailed insights than traditional cash-based methods (compared with cash-based methods). Thus, the rise of online payments enhances our daily lives by streamlining transactions and the apps can even have more version.promoting efficient financial management (concluded with a summary of benefits).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Shift towards online payments
   - Positive development for society

2. Convenience of Online Payments
   - No need for physical currency
   - Avoid issues with coins and small change

3. Expense Tracking Applications
   - Assist users in tracking expenses
   - Provide detailed insights

4. Streamlining Transactions
   - Efficient financial management

5. Conclusion
   - Benefits of digital transactions outweigh cash-based methods

9 关键词