TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: whether governments should require more penalties from the big companies to prevent these companies from damaging the environment

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5

• Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

此篇文章在完成任务方面表现尚可，但仍有改进空间。首先，文章应更具体地讨论政府如何通过增加惩罚来阻止大公司破坏环境。其次，可以提供一些具体的例子来支持观点，使论证更有说服力。

改进建议示例：

1. 在讨论政府如何增加惩罚时，可以提到具体的政策措施，例如实施碳税或限制排放。

2. 在举例子时，可以引用某个国家或地区成功实施环保政策的案例，以证明这种方法的有效性。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面还需加强。虽然文章包含了引言、正文和结论部分，但正文部分较为简单，并未对主题进行深入探讨。此外，在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡和联系。

改进建议示例：

1. 可以在引言部分明确提出自己的观点，并在正文部分逐一展开论述。 例如：首先，在引言中明确提出政府应该加大对大公司的惩罚力度。然后，在正文中分别讨论为什么这样做有助于保护环境，以及如何实施这些惩罚措施。

2. 在段落之间使用过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点。 例如：在讨论为什么加大惩罚力度有助于保护环境之后，可以使用“此外”或“接下来”等过渡词引入如何实施这些惩罚措施的讨论。

5. 语法批改

When it comes to the question of whetherwhether(the question whether (whether) etc.) governments should require more penalties from the big companies to prevent these companies from damaging the environment, people’s opinions differ greatly. From where I stand, I strongly assert that it is adj. forFor(Checks that a sentence starts with an uppercase letter) governments to raising environmental tax and fines. More penalties enablesenable(Possible agreement error: plural noun + singular verb) companies to produce in an environmentally friendly way beyond all doubt, there is no denying that Many large companies are major contributors to environmental pollution owing to the government's punishment is inadequate, which renders the environment to be polluted continuously. In this case, it is increasing punishment that play a vital role in stopping the pollution. In detail, when government raiseraises(Agreement: Mass/singular noun + non-third-person verb) the penalty, it is obvious that companies will be forced to improve their manufacturing practices and make their production structures more environmentally friendly to avoid being fined. As a result, there is every reason to believe that environmental problems such as air and water pollution can be greatly improved.

To conclude, never should we ignore the significance of raising the tax and fine to the environment.

Title: 6 文章修订

In the debate surrounding whether governments should impose stricter penalties on large corporations to deter them from causing environmental harm, opinions vary significantly. I firmly believe that governments should increase environmental taxes and fines as a means of encouraging eco-friendly production methods. Undoubtedly, numerous large corporations contribute substantially to environmental pollution due to insufficient government penalties, leading to continuous pollution. Therefore, heightened punishment plays a crucial role in mitigating this issue.

To elaborate, when governments raise penalties, it becomes evident that companies will be compelled to enhance their manufacturing practices and adopt more environmentally friendly production structures to avoid incurring fines. Consequently, it is reasonable to assume that environmental issues such as air and water pollution can be significantly ameliorated.

In essence, the importance of raising taxes and fines as a deterrent for environmentally damaging practices by large corporations cannot be overstated. By implementing stricter penalties, governments can effectively incentivize these companies to adopt more sustainable methods and ultimately contribute positively towards preserving our environment. (168 words)

When it comes to the question In the debate surrounding whether governments should impose stricter penalties on large corporations to deter them from causing environmental harm (clarified the context of whether the question), opinions vary significantly. I firmly believe that governments should require more increase environmental taxes and fines as a means of encouraging eco-friendly production methods (rephrased for clarity). Undoubtedly, numerous large corporations contribute substantially to environmental pollution due to insufficient government penalties from the big companies to prevent these companies ¶ from damaging the environment, people’s opinions differ greatly. From where I stand, I strongly assert that it is adj. for governments to raising environmental tax and fines. More penalties enables companies to produce in an environmentally friendly way beyond all doubt, there is no denying that Many large companies are major contributors to environmental pollution owing to the government's (revised for better flow), leading to continuous pollution. Therefore, heightened punishment is inadequate, which renders the environment to be polluted continuously. In this case, it is increasing punishment that play plays a vital crucial role in stopping the pollution. In detail, mitigating this issue.

To elaborate, when government governments raise the penalty, penalties, it is obvious becomes evident that companies will be forced to improve compelled to enhance their manufacturing practices and make their production structures adopt more environmentally friendly production structures to avoid being fined. As a result, there incurring fines (rephrased for clarity and readability). Consequently, it is every reason to believe reasonable to assume that environmental problems issues such as air and water pollution can be greatly improved. significantly ameliorated (revised for better flow).

To conclude, never should we ignore the significance In essence, the importance of raising the tax and fine to the environment.taxes and fines as a deterrent for environmentally damaging practices by large corporations cannot be overstated (rephrased for emphasis). By implementing stricter penalties, governments can effectively incentivize these companies to adopt more sustainable methods and ultimately contribute positively towards preserving our environment (revised for clarity and conciseness).

8 思维导图

1. 引言
   - 环境污染问题
   - 政府对大公司的惩罚力度不够

2. 主要观点
   - 政府应该加大环境税收和罚款力度

3. 原因分析
   - 大公司对环境造成严重污染
   - 加大惩罚力度有助于减轻污染问题

4. 具体措施
   - 提高罚款金额，使企业遵守环保法规成本更低

5. 预期效果
   - 企业采用更环保的生产方式，减少对环境的破坏 

6. 结论 
   - 加大税收和罚款力度是保护环境的有效手段。

9 关键词