TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Our current unit looks at tourism and the benefit it has on a country's economy. Many argue that while tourism can indeed be a money-making endeavor, it can do more harm than good, especially tourism to small, remote places that are not heavily populated. What is your opinion? Should local or national governments promote tourism to remote regions not typically visited by tourists before? Why

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2.预估分数

22. 3.任务完成度

整体而言，你的文章回答了题目，但在论述方面还有待加强。首先，在引用学生A和学生B的观点时，需要使用正确的名称（例如Andrew和Claire），以避免混淆。其次，在支持你的观点时，需要提供更多具体的例子和细节。最后，在语法和词汇方面也有一些错误，需要加以改进。

改进建议（英文示例）：

1. 使用正确的名称引用学生观点：In my perspective, I concur with Student A's statement that tourism has always been a lucrative business.

2. 提供更多具体例子支持观点：For instance, in rural areas, the influx of tourists can lead to the development of local handicrafts, traditional performances, and other cultural activities that can generate income for the community.

4.文章结构与组织

从结构和组织角度来看，你的文章基本上符合要求，但仍有改进空间。首先，在引入段落中应明确提出自己的观点。其次，在正文段落中，需要对每个论点进行更详细的阐述，并在段落之间保持逻辑连贯性。最后，结尾段落可以更加简洁明了地总结全文观点。

改进建议（英文示例）：

1. 在引入段落中明确提出观点：In my opinion, local or national governments should promote tourism to remote regions not typically visited by tourists before, as it can bring economic benefits and improve the quality of life for the local population.

2. 在正文段落中详细阐述论点：One reason for promoting tourism in remote areas is that it can create job opportunities for the local population, such as tour guides, hotel staff, and restaurant workers. This will help reduce unemployment and increase the overall income of the community.

3. 语法批改

In my perspective, I concur with Andrew's statement that tourism has always been a lucrative business, improving the economies of these citizens. I disagree with that this choice is like industry or kind of attention, as Claire mentioned. I suggest that because tourism can affect many of industries, such as agriculture, catering and so on. For instance, Macao, a tourism city, they earn incredible amount of money every year. And besides of sightseeing Macao have famous snack like milk tea, egg tart and so on. In additional, it also has gamble houses and brilliant hotel industry, almost every tourist come here for the famous hotel. These advanced industries are all developed after the tourism. Population is not a backward of a city, people need to use the population and develop characteristic industry in this rural region. Therefore, I would promote tourism if I were the local government.

6.文章修订

In my opinion, I concur with Student A's assertion that tourism has consistently been a lucrative business, providing significant economic benefits to rural regions. Contrary to Student B's perspective, I believe that tourism can positively impact various industries, such as agriculture and catering.

For instance, Macao, a renowned tourist destination, generates substantial revenue annually. Apart from sightseeing, Macao boasts an array of famous snacks like milk tea and egg tarts. Additionally, the city is home to numerous gambling establishments and luxurious hotels that attract countless tourists. These thriving industries have developed in tandem with the growth of tourism.

Population should not be considered a hindrance to a region's development; instead, it should be leveraged to cultivate unique industries within rural areas. Consequently, if I were part of the local government, I would actively promote tourism as a means of improving the lives of the inhabitants in these remote regions. (150 words)

7.文章批改

In my perspective, opinion, I concur with Andrew's statement Student A's assertion (revised for clarity and formality) that tourism has always consistently (changed to emphasize the ongoing nature of tourism's benefits) been a lucrative business, improving the economies of these citizens. I disagree with providing significant economic benefits to rural regions. Contrary to Student B's perspective, I believe that this choice is like industry or kind of attention, as Claire mentioned. I suggest that because tourism can affect many of positively impact various industries, such as agriculture, catering and so on. agriculture and catering.

For instance, Macao, a tourism city, they earn incredible amount of money every year. And besides of sightseeing renowned (revised for formality and precision) tourist destination, generates substantial revenue annually. Apart from sightseeing, Macao have boasts an array of famous snack snacks like milk tea, tea and egg tart and so on. In additional, tarts. Additionally (added for smooth transition), the city is home to numerous gambling establishments and luxurious hotels that attract countless tourists. These thriving industries have developed in tandem with the growth of tourism.

Population should not be considered a hindrance (revised for clarity and formality) to a region's development; instead, it also has gamble houses and brilliant hotel industry, almost every tourist come here for the famous hotel. These advanced should be leveraged (revised for formality) to cultivate unique industries are all developed after the tourism. Population is not a backward of a city, people need to use the population and develop characteristic industry in this within rural region. Therefore, areas. Consequently (added for smooth transition), if I were part of the local government, I would actively promote tourism if I were the local government.as a means of improving the lives of the inhabitants in these remote regions.

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Concur with Student A
  • Tourism benefits various industries

• Example: Macao

  • Renowned tourist destination
  • Substantial revenue
  • Famous snacks, gambling establishments, luxurious hotels

• Population and development

  • Leverage population for unique industries
  • Promote tourism for economic improvement

9.关键词