TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: One of your friends need to change life habit to become healthier,which of the following suggestions do you think is the best? -find people who are trying to make the same change, and work with them together. -become more disciplined and strong-willed. -consult professional experts such as physician, nutritionist, and psychologist. agree or disagree People in the past are more friendly than people today

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

虽然你的文章在回答问题方面做得很好，但还有一些改进的空间。首先，你需要更详细地阐述你的观点，提供更多具体的例子和证据来支持你的论点。此外，注意审题，文章中出现了与题目无关的内容（agree or disagree部分），需要将其删除或修改。

改进建议示例：

1. 在讨论为什么与志同道合的人一起努力会更有效时，可以举出一些研究或统计数据来支持这一观点。

2. 在个人经历部分，可以详细描述团队成员是如何互相激励和监督的，以及这种方式对他们达到目标产生了怎样的积极影响。

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织方面来看，你的文章整体上表现不错。然而，在引言部分应该更明确地陈述你选择哪个建议并简要说明原因。此外，在正文段落中尝试使用过渡词汇和短语来连接不同观点，使文章更连贯。

改进建议示例：

1. 引言部分可以这样修改：“在这三个建议中，我认为找到志同道合的人一起努力是最好的选择，因为这样可以更有效地实现目标。”

2. 在正文段落中加入过渡词汇，例如：“首先，当一个团队拥有相同的目标时，他们可以互相激励和支持。其次，在遇到困难时，团队成员可以互相帮助找到解决方案。”

5. 语法批改

Undoubtedly, I prefer to find and work with people who make an attempt to change their lifelives(lose their life (lives)) habits. The primary rationale behind my viewpoint is that people in a group who possess the same goal can achieve their goals more effectively. Although they may come across various obstacles when accomplishing their goals, people in the group would encourage and motivate one another, exerting a positive impact on group members. Drawing from my personal experience, I decided to lose weight as I am unable to find suitable clothes to wear due to my chubby figure. I organized a group of people who desire to become slender to wear chic clothes. Every dayday,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) we motivate and monitor each member, ensuring they maintain a healthy eating habit and regular exercises. As a result, pretty much all of us reached our goal, wearing fashionable designer clothes and exuding radiant confidence. In conclusion, It is wise for people who want to make a change to find a range of companions to work for the same change.

Title: 6 文章修订

Undoubtedly, collaborating with individuals striving to make similar life changes is the most effective approach to achieving a healthier lifestyle. The primary rationale behind this perspective is that a group of like-minded individuals can more efficiently accomplish their shared goals. Although they may encounter various obstacles in their journey, the group members can provide mutual encouragement and motivation, thereby exerting a positive influence on one another. For instance, when I decided to lose weight due to my inability to find suitable clothing for my figure, I formed a group of people with the same desire to become fit and wear stylish attire. We consistently motivated and monitored each other's progress, ensuring adherence to healthy eating habits and regular exercise routines. Consequently, the majority of us attained our goals, proudly donning fashionable designer clothes and exuding an air of self-assuredness. Thus, it is prudent for those seeking change to join forces with others pursuing similar objectives in order to maximize their chances of success. (166 words)

Undoubtedly, I prefer to find and work collaborating with people who individuals striving to make an attempt to change their similar life habits. changes (revised for clarity and natural tone) is the most effective approach to achieving a healthier lifestyle. The primary rationale behind my viewpoint this perspective is that people in a group who possess the same goal of like-minded individuals (revised for clarity) can achieve more efficiently accomplish their goals more effectively. shared goals. Although they may come across encounter various obstacles in their journey (revised for natural tone), the group members can provide mutual encouragement and motivation, thereby exerting a positive influence on one another (revised for clarity). For instance, when accomplishing their goals, people in the group would encourage and motivate one another, exerting a positive impact on group members. Drawing from my personal experience, I decided to lose weight as I am unable due to my inability to find suitable clothes to clothing for my figure (revised for clarity and natural tone), I formed a group of people with the same desire to become fit and wear due to my chubby figure. I organized a group of people who desire to become slender to wear chic clothes. Every day we motivate and monitor stylish attire (revised for natural tone). We consistently motivated and monitored each member, other's progress, ensuring they maintain a adherence to healthy eating habit habits and regular exercises. As a result, pretty much all exercise routines (revised for clarity). Consequently, the majority of us reached attained our goal, wearing goals, proudly donning fashionable designer clothes and exuding radiant confidence. In conclusion, It an air of self-assuredness (revised for natural tone). Thus, it is wise for people who want to make a prudent for those seeking change to find a range of companions to work for the same change.join forces with others pursuing similar objectives in order to maximize their chances of success (revised for clarity and natural tone).

8 思维导图

- 主题: 合作实现健康生活方式
  - 理由1: 共同目标的高效实现
    - 关键词: 高效, 共同目标, 实现
  - 理由2: 互相鼓励和激励
    - 关键词: 鼓励, 激励, 影响
  - 实例: 减肥团队成功案例
    - 关键词: 减肥, 团队, 成功案例
  - 结论: 寻求改变的人应与有相似目标的人合作以提高成功几率
    - 关键词: 改变, 合作, 成功几率

9 关键词