TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Let's discuss the skills most needed by people who want to start and run their own business. Some experts propose that future business people should focus on improving their sales techniques--after all, if you cannot sell your product, you will soon be out of business. Others believe that these future business people would benefit most from learning management skills, such as how to lead teams and motivate employees.

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

你的文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你可以在讨论销售技巧的重要性时提供更多具体的例子和论据。此外，尝试在文章中展示两种观点之间的平衡，以便更全面地讨论问题。

示例1（英文）： You could mention that while sales techniques are important, management skills are crucial for long-term success as they help in retaining employees, maintaining a positive work environment, and ensuring efficient use of resources.

示例2（英文）： You could also discuss the importance of sales techniques by providing examples of how they can help a business grow, such as attracting new customers, increasing revenue, and building brand awareness.

4. 文章结构与组织

从结构和组织方面来看，你的文章基本上是合理的。然而，你可以通过以下方式改进：首先，在引言部分明确提出你将讨论哪些方面；其次，在正文部分保持一致性，并使用恰当的过渡词来连接不同观点；最后，在结论部分总结你的观点，并指出为什么管理技能对于创业者更为重要。

示例1（英文）： In the introduction, you could write: "In this essay, I will discuss the importance of both sales techniques and management skills for future business people and argue that management skills are more crucial for long-term success."

示例2（英文）： For transitions between ideas, you could use phrases like "On the other hand," "Furthermore," or "In contrast" to help guide the reader through your argument.

5. 语法批改

In my humble opinion, the idea that future business people would benefit most from learning management skills is anything but remarkably plausible. Studying management skills enables people to run their business successfully. Considering a non-negligible reality that when starting a new business, everything is unknown and new, it is not surprising that oneselfone cannot muster and handle everything, which may decrease their competitiveness with other companies. In this regard, leading teams properly plays a pivotal role in developing a new business. To illustrate, as a leader areleader, one is exposed to many inexperienced employees, there is hardly any doubt that the leader needneeds to teach them about working strategies, such as designing an attractive model of a product, competing with other similar companies, and improving their working efficiency. In this way, cultivating those employees will directly render the company to produce more fantastic functions for a product, working more efficiently with everyone showing their own ideas, thus expanding markets and gaining more profits. To conclude, it is properly mastering teams and motivatesmotivating employees that enables a company to obtain more creative thoughts and develop their own advantages in the beginning phase.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my opinion, the notion that future entrepreneurs would greatly benefit from acquiring management skills is highly plausible.

Developing management skills equips individuals with the necessary tools to successfully operate their businesses. Given the undeniable fact that starting a new venture involves navigating uncharted territory, it is not surprising that one may struggle to manage every aspect of the business, potentially reducing competitiveness with other companies. In this context, effective team leadership plays a crucial role in fostering business growth. For instance, as a leader overseeing inexperienced employees, it is essential to guide them in developing effective work strategies such as designing appealing product models, competing with similar companies, and enhancing overall efficiency. By nurturing these employees' skills and talents, the company can directly benefit from innovative product features, increased efficiency through collaborative efforts, and ultimately expand its market share while generating higher profits.

In conclusion, adeptly managing teams and motivating employees is vital for a company to harness creativity and establish unique advantages during its initial stages. (171 words)

In my humble opinion, the idea notion that future business people entrepreneurs would greatly benefit most from learning acquiring management skills is anything but remarkably plausible. highly plausible (revised for a more natural tone and clarity).

Studying Developing management skills enables people to run equips individuals with the necessary tools to successfully operate their business successfully. Considering a non-negligible reality businesses (simplified for clarity). Given the undeniable fact (strengthened expression) that when starting a new business, everything is unknown and new, venture involves navigating uncharted territory, it is not surprising that oneself cannot muster and handle everything, which one may decrease their struggle to manage every aspect of the business, potentially reducing competitiveness with other companies. In this regard, leading teams properly context, effective team leadership plays a pivotal crucial role in developing a new business. To illustrate, fostering business growth (rephrased for better flow). For instance, as a leader are exposed to many overseeing inexperienced employees, there is hardly any doubt that the leader need to teach it is essential to guide them about working strategies, in developing effective work strategies such as designing an attractive model of a product, appealing product models, competing with other similar companies, and improving their working efficiency. enhancing overall efficiency (revised for clarity and conciseness). By nurturing these employees' skills and talents, the company can directly benefit from innovative product features, increased efficiency through collaborative efforts, and ultimately expand its market share while generating higher profits (improved sentence structure).

In this way, cultivating those conclusion, adeptly managing teams and motivating employees will directly render the is vital for a company to produce more fantastic functions for a product, working more efficiently with everyone showing their own ideas, thus expanding markets and gaining more profits. ¶ To conclude, it is properly mastering teams and motivates employees that enables a company to obtain more creative thoughts and develop their own harness creativity and establish unique advantages in the beginning phase.during its initial stages (rephrased for better flow and clarity).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Future entrepreneurs
   - Benefit from management skills

2. Developing management skills
   - Necessary tools for business success
   - Navigating uncharted territory

3. Effective team leadership
   - Fostering business growth
   - Guiding inexperienced employees

4. Work strategies
   - Designing appealing product models
   - Competing with similar companies
   - Enhancing overall efficiency

5. Nurturing employee skills and talents
   - Innovative product features
   - Increased efficiency through collaboration 

6. Expanding market share and profits 

7. Conclusion 
   - Importance of managing teams and motivating employees 

Title: 9 关键词