TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: do you think online review is useful for people to decide whether or not to buy a product or service? why or why not ?

1. Sub Scores

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task completeness

The essay does a good job of addressing the task by discussing the usefulness of online reviews for deciding whether or not to buy a product or service. The writer presents their viewpoint clearly and provides examples to support their opinion. However, there is room for improvement in elaborating on the arguments presented by both Student A and Student B, as well as providing more specific examples to support the writer's viewpoint.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Discuss more in-depth the pros and cons of online reviews mentioned by both students.

• Provide more specific examples to support your opinion.

Example 1: Instead of just mentioning that online reviews may remind you of some downsides, you could provide an example where an online review helped you avoid purchasing a product with a significant issue.

Example 2: You could discuss how people can use critical thinking skills when reading online reviews to determine which ones are credible and useful, rather than relying solely on negative or positive experiences.

4. Essay structure and organization

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The organization is logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point and supporting details. However, there is room for improvement in providing clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect your ideas more smoothly.

• Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point being discussed.

Example 1: To improve the transition between discussing Student A's opinion and your own viewpoint, you could add a sentence like "While I understand Andrew's concerns about negative bias in online reviews, I believe that these issues can be mitigated through careful consideration of the information presented."

Example 2: To introduce the main point of a paragraph, you could use a topic sentence like "One significant advantage of online reviews is their ability to provide insights from a diverse range of consumers, which can help potential buyers make more informed decisions."

5. Grammar

I agree with Claire that online review is a beneficial source for us to judge products quality because online review is written by ordinary people that’s similar to ourselves, providing us valuable perspectives. Although Andrew’s opinion that online reviews have voluntary bias caused by horrible experience, which will provide inaccurate information about the products, is true, I still advocate using the online review is the best way for us to assess products’ quality. Voluntary bias may exaggerate the drawbacks of the products, but the existing problems are not created by users for no reason. Therefore, online review may remind you some downsides of the products that will make you uncomfortable to use. For instance, if I see a comment that asserts that i-phone can not be fully charged within even 10 hours, creating a huge inconvenience, I won’t necessarily believe the fact that i-phone requires 10 hours to be fully charged, but I certainly can tell that i-phone has a slow charging speed. Therefore, I fully advocate regarding online review as a valuable source of information that can help us to select what we want to buy.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

I concur with the notion that online reviews serve as a valuable resource for individuals to determine the quality of a product or service, primarily because they are authored by ordinary consumers who share similar perspectives and priorities. While it is true that online reviews may exhibit a voluntary bias towards negative experiences, as Andrew suggests, I maintain that utilizing these evaluations remains the most effective method for assessing a product's merits. Although such biases might amplify certain drawbacks, the issues raised are not fabricated without reason. Consequently, online reviews can alert potential buyers to potential downsides that could impact their satisfaction with the product. For example, if I encounter a review claiming that an iPhone takes over 10 hours to fully charge, causing significant inconvenience, I may not accept this statement at face value but will certainly infer that the device has a slow charging speed. As such, I wholeheartedly endorse considering online reviews as an invaluable source of information when making purchasing decisions. (170 words)

I agree Revised essay: Display title: 7 Essay Grading

I concur with Claire that online review is reviews are a beneficial source for us to judge products product quality because online review is they are written by ordinary people that’s people, similar to ourselves, providing us valuable perspectives. Although Andrew’s Andrew's opinion that online reviews have voluntary bias caused by horrible experience, experiences, which will may provide inaccurate information about the products, is true, I still advocate using the online review is online reviews as the best way for us to assess products’ product quality. Voluntary bias may exaggerate the drawbacks of the products, but the existing problems are not created by users for no reason. Therefore, online review reviews may remind you of some downsides of the products that could make you uncomfortable to use. For instance, if I see a comment asserting that an iPhone cannot be fully charged within even 10 hours, creating a huge inconvenience, I won't necessarily believe the fact that an iPhone requires 10 hours to be fully charged, but I certainly can tell that it has a slow charging speed. Therefore, I fully advocate regarding online reviews as a valuable source of information that can help us select what we want to buy.

[concur with Claire]: Changed "agree" to "concur" for a more formal tone.

[are a beneficial source]: Changed "is" to "are" for subject-verb agreement.

[judge product quality]: Changed "products quality" to "product quality" for proper grammar.

[they are written]: Changed "online review is written" to "they are written" for clarity and subject-verb agreement.

[similar to ourselves]: Changed "that's similar" to "similar" for better flow and clarity.

[Andrew's opinion]: Changed "Andrew's opinion that" to "Andrew's opinion," for better flow and clarity.

[have voluntary bias]: Changed "have voluntary bias caused by horrible experience," to "have voluntary bias caused by horrible experiences," for plural agreement and clarity.

[using online reviews]: Changed "using the online review" to "using online reviews" for better flow and clarity.

[assess product quality]: Changed "products' quality" to "product quality" for proper grammar.

[drawbacks of products]: Changed "the products" to "products" for better flow.

[of products that could make you uncomfortable to use]: Changed "that will make you uncomfortable to use. For instance, if I see a comment that use" to "that could make you uncomfortable to use" for a more natural tone.

[asserting that an iPhone]: Changed "that asserts that i-phone can not i-phone" to "asserting that an iPhone" for proper capitalization and a more natural tone.

[cannot be fully charged within even 10 hours, creating a huge inconvenience, I won’t necessarily believe the fact that i-phone hours]: Changed "can not be fully charged within even 10 hours," to "cannot be fully charged within even 10 hours," for proper spelling and punctuation.

[an iPhone requires 10 hours to be fully charged, but I certainly can tell that i-phone hours]: Changed "i-phone requires 10 hours" to "an iPhone requires 10 hours," for proper capitalization and article usage.

[it has a slow charging speed. Therefore, I fully advocate regarding online review as a valuable source of information that can help us to select what we want to buy.speed]: Changed "i-phone has a slow charging speed." to "it has a slow charging speed." for pronoun consistency and clarity.

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Online reviews

   • Valuable resource
   • Authored by ordinary consumers
   • Shared perspectives and priorities

2. Voluntary bias

   • Negative experiences
   • Andrew's argument

3. Effective method for assessment

   • Product merits

4. Amplified drawbacks

   • Issues raised with reason

5. Alert potential buyers

   • Potential downsides

6. Example: iPhone charging speed

   • Slow charging speed inferred from review

7. Invaluable source of information

8. Purchasing decisions

Display title: 9 Key Words

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 | Worthiness, excellence, virtue | Utilizing online reviews is the most effective method for assessing a product's merits. | | Fabricated | ˈfæbrɪkeɪtɪd | Adjective | Made up or invented, especially in order to deceive someone; fake; false; counterfeit 

 | False, counterfeit, forged | The issues raised in online reviews are not fabricated without reason. | | Inconvenience | ˌɪnkənˈviːniəns | Noun | A state or situation in which something causes trouble, difficulties, or discomfort; trouble or difficulty caused to one's personal requirements or comfort