TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: When you have been friends with someone for a long time,even if he/she did something you don’t like, you should always keep this relationship

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 27

3. 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章在完成任务方面做得很好。你明确地表达了自己的观点，并且通过一个具体的例子来支持你的观点。然而，你可以在以下方面进行改进：尝试使用更多不同类型的例子来支持你的观点，以及对于朋友之间可能发生的不愉快事件进行更深入的讨论。

Example 1: Instead of just focusing on the shopping experience with your friend Rose, you could also mention other situations where friends might do something you don't like, such as forgetting an important event or having a disagreement about a sensitive topic.

Example 2: To further elaborate on your viewpoint, you could discuss how long-term friendships often involve ups and downs, but the ability to forgive and move past disagreements is what makes these relationships strong and valuable.

4. 文章结构与组织

这篇文章的结构和组织方面表现良好。你有一个清晰的引言、主体和结论部分，每个段落都集中在一个特定的观点和支持细节上。然而，在以下方面还有改进空间：尝试使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同段落之间的想法，以及确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句。

Example 1: To improve transitions between ideas, you could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "On the other hand," to help guide the reader through your essay.

Example 2: For a clearer topic sentence in each paragraph, make sure to state the main idea of the paragraph at the beginning. For example, instead of starting with "Drawing from personal experience," you could say, "One reason why we should maintain long-term friendships despite disagreements is that they often involve mutual understanding and respect."

5. 语法批改

Undoubtedly, I concur with the notion that we should preserve the relationship despite unpleasant things friends did. The primary rationale behind my viewpoint is that a lasting and solid friendship entails mutual understanding and respect for individual preferences and dislikes. It is a well-established fact that each individual is unique, with different behaviors and attitudes doing the same thing. In order to maintain the valuable relationship which has lasted for years, we are supposed to be more considerate and tolerant. Drawing from personal experience, onceonce,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) my friend Rose wanted to purchase a native brand dress to wear when travelling to the sea. We went shopping in a nearby mall, then she chose one which impressed us, but she wasn't satisfied with the high retail price. So she bargained with the seller, ultimately leading to a severe argument. I felt awkward and didn't like debating with others, but I know my friend didn't intend to argue, she just wanted to be a discreet and thrifty shopper. I assisted her in persuading the salesperson to sell the product at a discount. Finally, my friend got her dress at a reduced price and our friendship didn't break up although, although(comma between independent clauses) she did something I disliked.

Section Title: 6 文章修订

Revised Essay:

Undeniably, I concur with the assertion that relationships should be maintained even when friends engage in disagreeable actions. The crux of my perspective lies in the belief that enduring and robust friendships necessitate mutual comprehension and esteem for individual inclinations and aversions. It is an incontrovertible truth that every person possesses distinct characteristics, exhibiting diverse behaviors and attitudes in similar situations. To preserve a cherished bond that has endured for years, it is imperative to exercise empathy and forbearance.

Drawing from personal experience, I recall an instance when my friend Rose desired to acquire a locally-made dress for an upcoming seaside vacation. We visited a nearby shopping center where she discovered a garment that caught our attention; however, she found the price exorbitant. Consequently, she engaged in negotiations with the seller, which escalated into a heated dispute. Although I felt uncomfortable and generally disapprove of confrontations, I recognized that Rose's intentions were not malicious; rather, she aimed to be prudent and frugal in her purchase. Thus, I supported her efforts to persuade the salesperson to offer a discounted rate. Ultimately, Rose obtained her desired dress at a lower cost, and our friendship remained intact despite my initial disapproval of her actions. (207 words)

Undoubtedly, Undeniably, I concur with the notion that we assertion that relationships should preserve the relationship despite unpleasant things be maintained even when friends did. engage in disagreeable actions (rephrased for clarity and conciseness). The primary rationale behind crux of my viewpoint is that a lasting and solid friendship entails perspective lies in the belief that enduring and robust friendships necessitate mutual understanding and respect comprehension (changed "understanding" to "comprehension" for variety) and esteem (changed "respect" to "esteem" for variety) for individual preferences and dislikes. inclinations and aversions (rephrased for clarity). It is a well-established fact that each individual an incontrovertible truth (rephrased for emphasis) that every person possesses distinct characteristics, exhibiting diverse behaviors and attitudes in similar situations (rephrased for clarity). To preserve a cherished bond that has endured for years, it is unique, with different behaviors and attitudes doing the same thing. In order to maintain the valuable relationship which has lasted for years, we are supposed to be more considerate and tolerant. imperative to exercise empathy and forbearance (rephrased for clarity).

Drawing from personal experience, once I recall an instance when my friend Rose wanted to desired to acquire a locally-made dress (changed "native brand dress" to "locally-made dress" for clarity) for an upcoming seaside vacation. We visited a nearby shopping center where she discovered a garment that caught our attention; however, she found the price exorbitant (rephrased for clarity). Consequently, she engaged in negotiations with the seller, which escalated into a heated dispute (rephrased for conciseness). Although I felt uncomfortable and generally disapprove of confrontations, I recognized that Rose's intentions were not malicious; rather, she aimed to be prudent and frugal in her purchase a native brand dress to wear when travelling to the sea. We went shopping in a nearby mall, then she chose one which impressed us, but she wasn't satisfied with the high retail price. So she bargained with the seller, ultimately leading to a severe argument. I felt awkward and didn't like debating with others, but I know my friend didn't intend to argue, she just wanted to be a discreet and thrifty shopper. I assisted her in persuading (rephrased for clarity). Thus, I supported her efforts to persuade the salesperson to sell the product at a discount. Finally, my friend got her offer a discounted rate. Ultimately, Rose obtained her desired dress at a reduced price lower cost, and our friendship didn't break up although she did something I disliked.remained intact despite my initial disapproval of her actions (rephrased for conciseness).

8 思维导图

1. Introduction
   - Relationships maintenance
   - Mutual comprehension and esteem

2. Personal Experience
   - Friend: Rose
   - Situation: Dress purchase

3. Disagreeable Actions
   - Negotiation with seller
   - Heated dispute

4. Empathy and Forbearance
   - Understanding intentions
   - Supporting friend's actions

5. Outcome
   - Discounted dress price
   - Friendship remains intact

6. Conclusion
   - Importance of empathy and forbearance in friendships

9 关键词