TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: Dr. Diaz With so many opportunities to connect nowadays, some people believe that no matter which country we come from, we have more similarities than we have differences. However, others have observed that differences between themselves and people from other countries are growing. In your view, are differences between people from different countries increasing, or are they diminishing? Why? Andrew I think the differences among us are decreasing as our exposure to products from other countries grows. We can enjoy food from any country. We can watch movies made in faraway places. We can go to a store and buy authentic goods from around the world. These things become part of our normal life and make our differences seem smaller. Kelly I understand what Andrew is saying, but for some people, being exposed to differences makes them retreat into their own corner even more. Look at social media. We are exposed to many different people and ideas, but a lot of people talk to only those they agree with and ignore the rest. This only makes the differences between people increase.

1.子项得分

• 任务完成度：3

• 组织：3

• 连贯性和衔接：3

• 语言使用：3

2.预估分数

• 预估分数：20

3.任务完成度 从任务完成度的角度来看，文章确实涉及了题目中的观点，但没有充分展开论述。为了提高这方面的得分，建议在写作时更深入地探讨观点，并给出具体的例子来支持自己的观点。此外，文章中并未涉及到阅读和听力材料，这也是需要改进的地方。

示例1： Instead of just mentioning that people can enjoy food from any country, you could provide a specific example, such as how sushi has become popular worldwide, and explain how this has led to a greater understanding of Japanese culture.

示例2： In addition to discussing the benefits of the internet for education, you could also mention how online platforms like social media have allowed people from different countries to connect and share their experiences, leading to a greater appreciation for cultural diversity.

4.文章结构与组织 从文章结构与组织的角度来看，虽然文章具有一定的结构（包括引言、正文和结论），但各段落之间缺乏明确的衔接。为了提高这方面的得分，建议在写作时使用更多的过渡词和短语来连接不同段落中的观点，并确保每个段落都有一个明确的主题句。

示例1： You could use transitional phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" to show the difference between Andrew's and Kelly's opinions, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

示例2： Instead of starting a paragraph with "Moreover," you could use a more specific transition, such as "Another example of how technology is bridging cultural gaps is through online education." This helps guide the reader through your essay and makes your points clearer.

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I agree with Andrew more that various opportunitiesopportunities,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) truly eliminating boundaries between people. As Andrew stated, people share common feelings via internet and diverse devices, for instance, magnificent landscape can transit from one cell phone to another on the other side of the earth, and with strong VR technology, people can even see the cubic vision. Moreover, internet can solve the inadequate education resources in different area around the world. In the past, people in the poor place never have an accessaccess(Articles: a + uncountable noun) to education, but nowadays, they can learn on the open platform through internet which sculpt children in the poor area to aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') educated human being. Kelly’ sKelly’s(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) statement is reasonable in some cases. When people get in touch with different lifestyle, they may fell the big differences between each other. However, accessing to multiplex lifestyle really broaden people’ speople’s(space after apostrophe in contraction (e.g. I' m)) mind on their own experiences, since they know another life stylelifestyle(life style (lifestyle)) there is a possibility for them to try.

Section Title: 6.文章修订

Revised Essay:

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew that the numerous opportunities available today are indeed diminishing the boundaries between people from different countries. As Andrew mentioned, individuals can share common experiences and emotions through the internet and various devices. For example, breathtaking landscapes can be transmitted from one smartphone to another on the opposite side of the globe, and with advanced virtual reality technology, people can even experience immersive three-dimensional visuals.

Furthermore, the internet has played a significant role in addressing educational resource disparities across different regions worldwide. In the past, individuals in impoverished areas had little to no access to education; however, nowadays, they can learn through open platforms on the internet, transforming children in these areas into educated human beings.

While Kelly's argument holds some merit in certain cases – as exposure to diverse lifestyles may highlight significant differences between people – it is essential to consider that access to such multiplicity ultimately broadens individuals' perspectives based on their own experiences. By becoming aware of alternative lifestyles and cultural practices, people become more open to trying new things and embracing differences rather than retreating into their own corners. Consequently, this increased exposure contributes to a reduction in disparities between individuals from various countries and fosters a more interconnected global community. (217 words)

From In my perspective, I agree opinion, I concur with Andrew more that various the numerous opportunities available today are indeed diminishing the boundaries between people from different countries (I changed "various opportunities truly eliminating boundaries between people. boundaries" to "numerous opportunities available today are indeed diminishing the boundaries" for clarity and better flow). As Andrew stated, people mentioned, individuals can share common experiences and emotions through the internet and various devices (I changed "people share common feelings via internet and diverse devices, for instance, magnificent devices" to "individuals can share common experiences and emotions through the internet and various devices" for better word choice). For example, breathtaking landscapes can be transmitted from one smartphone to another on the opposite side of the globe (I changed "magnificent landscape can transit from one cell phone to another on the other side of the earth, earth" to "breathtaking landscapes can be transmitted from one smartphone to another on the opposite side of the globe" for better word choice), and with advanced virtual reality technology, people can even experience immersive three-dimensional visuals (I changed "with strong VR technology, people can even see the cubic vision. Moreover, vision" to "with advanced virtual reality technology, people can even experience immersive three-dimensional visuals" for clarity).

Furthermore, the internet has played a significant role in addressing educational resource disparities across different regions worldwide (I changed "internet can solve the inadequate education resources in different area around the world. world" to "the internet has played a significant role in addressing educational resource disparities across different regions worldwide" for better word choice). In the past, people in the poor place never have an individuals in impoverished areas had little to no access to education, but education; however, nowadays, they can learn through open platforms on the open platform through internet which sculpt internet, transforming children in the poor area to a these areas into educated human being. Kelly’ s statement is reasonable in beings (I rephrased this sentence for clarity).

While Kelly's argument holds some cases. When people get in touch with different lifestyle, they merit in certain cases – as exposure to diverse lifestyles may fell the big highlight significant differences between each other. However, accessing to multiplex lifestyle really broaden people’ s mind people – it is essential to consider that access to such multiplicity ultimately broadens individuals' perspectives based on their own experiences, since experiences (I rephrased this sentence for better flow). By becoming aware of alternative lifestyles and cultural practices, people become more open to trying new things and embracing differences rather than retreating into their own corners (I changed "since they know another life style there is a possibility for them to try.try" to "by becoming aware of alternative lifestyles and cultural practices, people become more open to trying new things and embracing differences" for clarity). Consequently, this increased exposure contributes to a reduction in disparities between individuals from various countries and fosters a more interconnected global community (I added this sentence to provide a conclusion).

8. Mind Map

9. Keywords

Section Title: 6. Essay Revision

Revised Essay:

In my opinion, I concur with Andrew that the numerous opportunities available today are indeed diminishing the boundaries between people from different countries. As Andrew mentioned, individuals can share common experiences and emotions through the internet and various devices. For example, breathtaking landscapes can be transmitted from one smartphone to another on the opposite side of the globe, and with advanced virtual reality technology, people can even experience immersive three-dimensional visuals.

Furthermore, the internet has played a significant role in addressing educational resource disparities across different regions worldwide. In the past, individuals in impoverished areas had little to no access to education; however, nowadays, they can learn through open platforms on the internet, transforming children in these areas into educated human beings.

While Kelly's argument holds some merit in certain cases – as exposure to diverse lifestyles may highlight significant differences between people – it is essential to consider that access to such multiplicity ultimately broadens individuals' perspectives based on their own experiences. By becoming aware of alternative lifestyles and cultural practices, people become more open to trying new things and embracing differences rather than retreating into their own corners. Consequently, this increased exposure contributes to a reduction in disparities between individuals from various countries and fosters a more interconnected global community.