TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: which way for advertisement is better, an "ordinary approach" or a "celebrity" ?

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 25

3. Task completeness:

The essay adequately addresses the task requirements, presenting both the "ordinary approach" and "celebrity approach" for advertisement and providing examples for each. However, there are some areas where the essay could be improved:

• The introduction could be more concise and clearly state the writer's position on the topic.

• The discussion of pros and cons for each approach could be more balanced, with equal attention given to both sides.

• Some grammar errors need to be corrected, such as incorrect word choices or awkward phrasing.

Example 1: Original: "Just as Student A claims cost-effectiveness and producing more percussion among people makes the “ordinary approach” more appealing to customers." Improved: "As Student A argues, cost-effectiveness and relatability make the “ordinary approach” more appealing to customers."

Example 2: Original: "However, ordinary supporters of advertisements may prove to be less effective in promoting product sales because of their lower popularity among customers." Improved: "However, advertisements featuring ordinary people may be less effective in promoting product sales due to their lower popularity among customers."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both approaches, and a conclusion. However, there are some areas where organization could be improved:

• The introduction should provide a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the question.

• Each body paragraph should focus on one specific point or argument related to either the ordinary or celebrity approach.

• Clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs should be used consistently throughout the essay.

Example 1: Original Introduction: "When it comes to the issue concerning which way for advertisement is better between choosing ordinary people and celebrities, people’s answers may differ greatly from one to another." Improved Introduction: "In the debate over whether advertisements featuring ordinary people or celebrities are more effective, opinions vary. This essay will examine the pros and cons of both approaches before reaching a conclusion."

Example 2: Original Transition: "Well, considering the pros and cons of each method I just mentioned, a well-established enterprise may find an “ordinary approach” better." Improved Transition: "Taking into account the advantages and disadvantages of both methods, it becomes evident that the choice between an “ordinary approach” and a “celebrity approach” depends on the specific needs of the company."

5. Grammar

When it comes to the issue concerning which way for advertisement is better between choosing ordinary people and celebrities, people’s answers may differ greatly from one to another. Just as Student A claims cost-effectiveness and producing more percussion among people makes the “ordinary approach” more appealing to customers. Because customers might find more practical consultation by drawing conclusions from ordinary ad supporters. However, ordinary supporters of advertisements may prove to be less effective in promoting product sales because of their lower popularity among customers.
While “celebrity strategy” is also worth being counted, considering its popularity and numerous followers on different social media, it attracts myriad people to pay attention to the products they represent. Correspondingly, huge profits might be made if incorporating celebrity into supporters. Some argue that if it happens, the scandals of influencers might exert a negative impact on the products and services which they are speaking for. Well, considering the pros and cons of each method I just mentioned, a well-established enterprise may find an “ordinary approach” better. For example, a famous Chinese liquor brand “Wu LiangyeLinage(misspelling)” always hire less popular profile to speak for their products. This famous brand just needs to make its visibility among customers without spending too much money because of its established brands. However, when it comes to newly established brands, a ”[No Replacement Word Found](Unpaired braces, brackets, quotation marks and similar symbols)celebrity approach”[No Replacement Word Found](Unpaired braces, brackets, quotation marks and similar symbols) might be superb because, with many followers, a celebrity supporter can help attract more customers in the market, promoting the brand’s name and popularity and increasing product sales. For example, one mineral brandbrand,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) Yi yunrun(misspelling), recruited a famous sports star Li Na to speak for its product and a huge success was achieved. A large amount of ad fund invested by Yi yunrun(misspelling) paid off because of Li Na’s help.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

The debate over whether advertisements should utilize an "ordinary approach" or a "celebrity" approach is a complex one, as people's preferences and opinions can vary significantly. Student A argues that the "ordinary approach" is more effective, as it creates a sense of relatability and trust among customers, leading to more practical consultations and genuine engagement. However, this method may not be as successful in driving product sales due to the lower popularity of ordinary supporters.

On the other hand, Student B contends that the "celebrity approach" is superior because of its widespread appeal and ability to attract a larger audience. Celebrities often have extensive followings on social media platforms, which can lead to increased visibility for the products they endorse. Nevertheless, there are potential drawbacks to this strategy; for instance, any scandals involving the celebrity could negatively impact the reputation of the products they promote.

Taking into account the advantages and disadvantages of each method, it becomes evident that their effectiveness depends on the specific context in which they are employed. For well-established enterprises with strong brand recognition, an "ordinary approach" may be more suitable. For example, Chinese liquor brand Wu Liangye opts for less prominent endorsers to maintain visibility without incurring excessive advertising costs. Conversely, newly established brands might benefit from a "celebrity approach," as high-profile supporters can help attract customers and boost brand awareness. A prime example is mineral water brand Yi Yun's successful collaboration with renowned sports star Li Na; their substantial investment in advertising ultimately paid off due to Li Na's influence. (261 words)

When it comes to the issue concerning which way for advertisement The debate over whether advertisements should utilize an "ordinary approach" (a more relatable and trust-building strategy) or a "celebrity" approach (with widespread appeal and larger audience attraction) is better between choosing ordinary people and celebrities, people’s answers may differ greatly from one to another. Just a complex one, as people's preferences and opinions can vary significantly. Student A claims cost-effectiveness and producing more percussion argues that the "ordinary approach" is more effective, as it creates a sense of relatability and trust among people makes the “ordinary approach” more appealing to customers. Because customers might find customers, leading to more practical consultation by drawing conclusions from ordinary ad supporters. consultations (better engagement with customers) and genuine engagement. However, this method may not be as successful in driving product sales due to the lower popularity of ordinary supporters of advertisements may prove to be (less effective in promoting product sales visibility).

On the other hand, Student B contends that the "celebrity approach" is superior because of their lower popularity among customers. ¶ While “celebrity strategy” is also worth being counted, considering its popularity and numerous followers widespread appeal (more attractive to consumers) and ability to attract a larger audience. Celebrities often have extensive followings on different social media, it attracts myriad people to pay attention to media platforms, which can lead to increased visibility for the products they represent. Correspondingly, huge profits might be made if incorporating endorse. Nevertheless, there are potential drawbacks to this strategy; for instance, any scandals involving the celebrity could negatively impact the reputation of the products they promote (possible harm to brand image).

Taking into supporters. Some argue account the advantages and disadvantages of each method, it becomes evident that if it happens, the scandals of influencers might exert a negative impact their effectiveness depends on the products and services specific context in which they are speaking for. ¶ Well, considering the pros and cons of each method I just mentioned, a employed (no one-size-fits-all solution). For well-established enterprise enterprises with strong brand recognition, an "ordinary approach" may find an “ordinary approach” better. be more suitable. For example, a famous Chinese liquor brand “Wu Liangye” always hire Wu Liangye opts for less popular profile to speak for their products. This famous brand just needs to make its prominent endorsers to maintain visibility among customers without spending too much money because of its established brands. However, when it comes to incurring excessive advertising costs (cost-effective strategy). Conversely, newly established brands, a ”celebrity approach” brands might be superb because, with many followers, a celebrity supporter benefit from a "celebrity approach," as high-profile supporters can help attract more customers in the market, promoting the brand’s name and popularity and increasing product sales. For example, one and boost brand awareness (greater exposure). A prime example is mineral water brand Yi yun, recruited a famous Yun's successful collaboration with renowned sports star Li Na to speak for its product and a huge success was achieved. A large amount of ad fund invested by Yi yun Na; their substantial investment in advertising ultimately paid off because of due to Li Na’s help.Na's influence (high return on investment).

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Debate: ordinary approach vs. celebrity approach
   • Varying preferences and opinions

2. Ordinary Approach

   • Advantages:
     • Relatability
     • Trust
     • Practical consultations
     • Genuine engagement
   • Disadvantages:
     • Lower popularity

3. Celebrity Approach

   • Advantages:
     • Widespread appeal
     • Larger audience
     • Increased visibility (social media)
   • Disadvantages:
     • Potential scandals

4. Contextual Effectiveness

   • Well-established enterprises:
     • Ordinary approach example: Wu Liangye (Chinese liquor brand)
   • Newly established brands:
     • Celebrity approach example: Yi Yun (mineral water brand) & Li Na (sports star)

5. Conclusion

   • Effectiveness depends on context and goals

9 Key Words