TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: whether that people make a purchasing decisions should rely on advise from friends and family or depending on information from online source
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whether that people make a purchasing decisions should rely on advise from friends and family or depending on information from online source
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The isssue regarding whether that people make a purchasing decisions should rely on advise from friends and family or depending on information from online source have provoked a heated debate. From my perspective, it is beneficial for people to depending on online decision. Making purchasing decision from online resource enables people to get comprehensive informations. Although some online information maybe is advertising, we can get more objective information from more people. Under this condition, it is getting information from internet can help people better analyze the benefits when they buy something. To be more specific, when people listen to internet, should we ignore the fact that when people are buying something, they usually get information on a application named tiktok, when they want to buy something, they can search the product’s name, then there are some bloggers will give the object suggestions for constomer use to reference. Therefore, this will lead a favorable consequence that people won’t getting regret. To conclude, I asssert that when people are making a purchasing decision, they should depending on information form online resource.
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0
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Language Use and Grammar: 2.5
2. 预估分数
- 20
3. 任务完成度
这篇文章在任务完成度方面有待提高。首先,文章的题目和问题表述不够清晰,需要重新组织语言来明确表达观点。其次,文章中的例子和论据不够充分,需要提供更多具体的例子来支持观点。最后,在语法和词汇方面也有一些错误,需要加以修正。
改进建议示例:
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将文章开头的句子修改为:“The issue of whether people should make purchasing decisions based on advice from friends and family or rely on information from online sources has sparked a heated debate.”
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在论述中添加更多具体的例子,如:“For instance, online reviews from various customers can provide a broader perspective on the product's quality and performance, which might not be available through friends and family.”
4. 文章结构与组织
文章在结构和组织方面有一定的问题。首先,文章缺乏清晰的引言、主体和结论部分。其次,在段落之间缺乏明确的过渡,使得阅读起来不够流畅。最后,在主体部分中应该对每个观点进行详细阐述,并提供相应的支持细节。
改进建议示例:
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在文章开头添加一个引言段落,简要介绍讨论的主题和自己的观点,如:“In this essay, I will discuss the advantages of relying on online sources for making purchasing decisions, as opposed to seeking advice from friends and family.”
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在段落之间添加过渡句子,使文章更加连贯,如:“On the other hand, advice from friends and family might be biased or limited in scope, which could lead to less informed decisions.”
5. 语法批改
The isssueissue(misspelling) regarding whether that people make a purchasing decisions should rely on adviseadvice(Detects potentially wrong usage of "advise" instead of "advice") from friends and family or depending on information from online source have provoked a heated debate.
From my perspective, it is beneficial for people to depending on online decision.
Making purchasing decision from online resource enables people to get comprehensive informationsinformation(legal term: informations). Although some online information maybe is advertising, we can get more objective information from more people. Under this condition, it is getting information from internet can help people better analyze the benefits when they buy something. To be more specific, when people listen to internet, should we ignore the fact that when people are buying something, they usually get information on aan(Use of 'a' vs. 'an') application named tiktokTikTok(TikTok), when they want to buy something, they can search the product’s name, then there are some bloggers will give the object suggestions for constomerconsumer(misspelling) use to reference. Therefore, this will lead ato a(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) favorable consequence that people won’t gettingget(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) regret.
To conclude, I asssertassert(misspelling) that when people are making a purchasing decision, they should dependingdepend(Non-infinitive verb after modal verbs) on information formfrom(Detects potentially wrong usage of "form") onlinean online(This rule identifies whether the article 'an' is missing in a sentence.) resource.
Title: 6 文章修订
The issue of whether people should base their purchasing decisions on advice from friends and family or rely on information from online sources has sparked a heated debate. In my opinion, it is advantageous for individuals to depend on online resources when making such decisions.
Utilizing online resources for purchasing decisions allows individuals to access comprehensive information. Although some online content may be promotional, it is possible to obtain more objective input from a larger pool of people. In this context, gathering information from the internet can better assist individuals in analyzing the benefits of a particular product or service. For instance, when people turn to the internet for advice, they often use applications like TikTok to search for product names and gather opinions. Numerous bloggers provide objective suggestions that potential customers can use as references, ultimately leading to more informed choices and reduced chances of regret.
In conclusion, I maintain that when making purchasing decisions, individuals should rely on information from online resources. (167 words)
The isssue regarding issue of whether that people make a should base their purchasing decisions on advice from friends and family or rely on information from online sources has sparked a heated debate (revised for clarity and conciseness). In my opinion, it is advantageous (changed "beneficial" to "advantageous" for better word choice) for individuals to depend on online resources when making such decisions.
Utilizing online resources for purchasing decisions allows individuals to access comprehensive information (revised for clarity). Although some online content may be promotional, it is possible to obtain more objective input from a larger pool of people (rephrased for better flow). In this context, gathering information from the internet can better assist individuals in analyzing the benefits of a particular product or service (revised for clarity and conciseness). For instance, when people turn to the internet for advice, they often use applications like TikTok to search for product names and gather opinions (rephrased for better flow). Numerous bloggers provide objective suggestions that potential customers can use as references, ultimately leading to more informed choices and reduced chances of regret (revised for clarity).
In conclusion, I maintain that when making purchasing decisions, individuals should rely on advise from friends and family or depending on information from online source have provoked a heated debate. ¶ From my perspective, it is beneficial for people to depending on online decision. ¶ Making purchasing decision from online resource enables people to get comprehensive informations. Although some online information maybe is advertising, we can get more objective information from more people. Under this condition, it is getting information from internet can help people better analyze the benefits when they buy something. To be more specific, when people listen to internet, should we ignore the fact that when people are buying something, they usually get information on a application named tiktok, when they want to buy something, they can search the product’s name, then there are some bloggers will give the object suggestions for constomer use to reference. Therefore, this will lead a favorable consequence that people won’t getting regret. ¶ To conclude, I asssert that when people are making a purchasing decision, they should depending on information form online resource.information from online resources (rephrased slightly for better flow).
8 思维导图
- Title: Online Resources vs. Friends and Family for Purchasing Decisions
- Introduction
- Debate on purchasing decisions
- Preference for online resources
- Advantages of online resources
- Comprehensive information
- Objective input from a larger pool of people
- Better assistance in analyzing benefits of products/services
- Examples and applications
- TikTok for product names and opinions
- Bloggers providing objective suggestions and references
- Conclusion
- Importance of relying on online resources for informed choices and reduced regret.
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | Simplified Chinese Translation | Sample Sentence |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| debate | /dɪˈbeɪt/ | noun | a discussion or argument | 辩论 | The issue has sparked a heated debate. |
| advantageous | /ˌædvənˈteɪdʒəs/ | adjective | providing an advantage; beneficial | 有利的 | It is advantageous for individuals to depend on online resources. |
| comprehensive | /ˌkɒmprɪˈhensɪv/ | adjective | including all or nearly all elements | 全面的 | _ Utilizing online resources allows individuals to access comprehensive information. |
| objective | _ /əbˈdʒektɪv/ | _ adjective | _ not influenced by personal feelings/views; unbiased | _ 客观的 | _ It is possible to obtain more objective input from a larger pool of people. |
| analyze | _ /ˈænəlaɪz/ | _ verb | _ examine in detail to explain or interpret | 分析 | _ Gathering information from the internet can better assist in analyzing benefits. |
| instance | _ /ˈɪnstəns/ | _ noun | _ an example or single occurrence of something | 例子 | _ For instance, people use TikTok to search for product names and gather opinions. |
| blogger | _ /ˈblɒɡər/ | _ noun | _ a person who writes and publishes a blog | 博主 | Numerous bloggers provide objective suggestions that potential customers can use. |
| reference | /ˈrefrəns/ | noun | a source of information | 参考 | These suggestions can be used as references for more informed choices. |
| regret | /rɪˈɡret/ | noun | a feeling of sadness or disappointment | 遗憾 | Relying on online resources can lead to reduced chances of regret. |
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