TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Under the impetus of globalization, there are different views regarding the differences between individuals. On one hand, some people believe that with the development of globalization, there is a gradual enhancement of mutual understanding, leading to a decrease in the differences between people from different countries. On the other hand, there are also those who argue that the differences between individuals are actually becoming greater. What is your perspective on this matter?

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，这篇文章较好地回答了问题，但仍有一些可以改进的地方。首先，在论述环境问题时，可以提供更具体的例子来支持观点。其次，在讨论文化矛盾时，可以更深入地探讨如何寻求家人和朋友的帮助以解决问题。最后，在文章结尾部分，可以总结全文并给出一个明确的结论。

示例1：在讨论环境问题时，可以提供一个实际的案例，如某国家通过与外国公司合作建设清洁能源项目，从而改善当地空气质量和居民生活。

示例2：在讨论文化矛盾时，可以详细描述如何与家人和朋友沟通以解决问题，并给出一个具体的例子说明这种方法的有效性。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构基本清晰，但在某些段落中缺乏明确的主题句和过渡句。建议在每个段落开头明确表达该段落要讨论的观点，并在段落之间使用过渡句以使文章更连贯。此外，结尾部分可以加强总结和呈现一个明确的结论。

示例1：在讨论环境问题的段落开头，可以写：“首先，全球化有助于解决一些紧迫的环境问题，从而使我们以一种间接的方式变得更加紧密。”

示例2：在文章结尾部分，可以总结全文并给出一个明确的结论，如：“综上所述，虽然全球化可能导致个体之间的文化差异和观念冲突，但通过积极寻求解决方案和互相理解，我们仍然可以实现更紧密的联系。”

5. 语法批改

From my perspective, I think the development of globalization makes the differences in individuals smaller, a view that aligns with Miles's notion that the gradual connection by globalization reduces the differences between individuals because we can experience diverse clothes, tastes, products and so on. I would further argue that it can also address some urgent environmental issues and thereby make us closer in an indirect way. That’s due to the fact that plenty of foreign companies will come to local area to seek opportunities to cooperate and make some investments in infrastructures of the local town. In order to acquire more foreign parties to participate in investing and promote local economicaleconomic('economical (economic) growth' etc.) progress, the local government areis(punctuation + singular noun + plural verb) likely to repave the major transportation routes, cut off some factories which heavily rely on fossil fuels and limit the limit thelimit the(Repetition of two words ('at the at the')) number of (Two consecutive spaces)running cars on the road to improve the air quality. Therefore, citizens can go out and meet different people to get to know each other and make everyone in a closer connection that they can not make it possible before. While LyndiaLydia(misspelling) highlighted that globalization negatively affect people’s connection because individuals are exposed into(This rule identifies wrong preposition usage.) a variety of different cultures and perspectives that may contradict their values, she failed to acknowledge that there are other ways to solve what she worries. One of the potential solutions is that we can find our friends and families to help us when we are in a cultural contradiction. Therefore ,,(Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses) we can achieve a sense of happiness and satisfy overall well-being.

Title: 6 文章修订

In my view, globalization diminishes the differences between individuals, echoing Miles's assertion that this interconnectedness allows us to experience a variety of clothing, tastes, and products from around the world. Furthermore, I contend that globalization can indirectly bring us closer by addressing pressing environmental issues. As foreign companies invest in local infrastructure and collaborate with local governments to improve transportation routes, reduce fossil fuel reliance, and limit vehicle emissions, citizens have increased opportunities to interact with diverse individuals and foster closer connections.

While Lyndia argues that exposure to conflicting cultural perspectives through globalization may hinder interpersonal connections, she overlooks potential solutions to these challenges. For instance, seeking support from friends and family during times of cultural dissonance can promote happiness and overall well-being. (126 words)

From In my perspective, I think the development of view, globalization makes the differences in individuals smaller, a view that aligns with Miles's notion that the gradual connection by globalization reduces diminishes the differences between individuals because we [1], echoing Miles's assertion that this interconnectedness allows us to experience a variety of clothing, tastes, and products from around the world [2]. Furthermore, I contend that globalization can experience diverse clothes, tastes, products and so on. I would further argue that it can also address some urgent indirectly bring us closer by addressing pressing environmental issues and thereby make us closer in an indirect way. That’s due to the fact that plenty of [3]. As foreign companies will come invest in local infrastructure and collaborate with local governments to local area to seek improve transportation routes, reduce fossil fuel reliance, and limit vehicle emissions [4], citizens have increased opportunities to cooperate interact with diverse individuals and make some investments in infrastructures of the local town. In order to acquire more foreign parties to participate in investing and promote local economical progress, the local government are likely to repave the major transportation routes, cut off some factories which heavily rely on fossil fuels and limit the limit the number of running cars on the road to improve the air quality. Therefore, citizens can go out and meet different people to get to know each other and make everyone in a foster closer connection that they can not make it possible before. connections [5].

While Lyndia highlighted argues that exposure to conflicting cultural perspectives through globalization negatively affect people’s connection because individuals are exposed in a variety of different cultures and perspectives that may contradict their values, hinder interpersonal connections [6], she failed to acknowledge that there are other ways to solve what she worries. One of the overlooks potential solutions is that we can find our to these challenges [7]. For instance, seeking support from friends and families to help us when we are in a family during times of cultural contradiction. Therefore , we dissonance can achieve a sense of promote happiness and satisfy overall well-being.well-being [8].

[1] Revised for clarity.

[2] Reworded for a more natural tone.

[3] Added "pressing" for emphasis on urgency.

[4] Expanded on the specific actions taken by foreign companies and local governments.

[5] Clarified the outcome of these actions.

[6] Summarized Lyndia's argument concisely.

[7] Pointed out an oversight in Lyndia's argument.

[8] Provided an example of a potential solution.

8 思维导图

- Globalization
  - Diminishes differences
    - Variety of clothing, tastes, products
  - Indirectly brings us closer
    - Addressing environmental issues
      - Foreign investment in local infrastructure
      - Collaboration with local governments
        - Improve transportation routes
        - Reduce fossil fuel reliance
        - Limit vehicle emissions
  - Exposure to conflicting cultural perspectives
    - Potential solutions to challenges
      - Support from friends and family during cultural dissonance

9 关键词