TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Professor: People now are using less cash, and more credit cards or mobile payments. Is it a good thing?

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 27

3. Task completeness:

The essay does a good job of addressing the question about whether using less cash and more mobile payments is a good thing. The writer presents a clear viewpoint in favor of mobile payments, citing convenience and sanitation as advantages. However, the essay could benefit from providing more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points.

• Address potential counterarguments more thoroughly.

Examples:

1. To support the convenience of mobile payments, you could mention how they allow for faster transactions at stores, reducing wait times for customers.
2. To address counterarguments, you could discuss how security measures like encryption and biometric authentication help protect users' financial information when using mobile payments.

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point with supporting details. However, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be improved to create a smoother flow throughout the essay.

Suggestions for improvement:

• Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.

• Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main point.

Examples:

1. In your second paragraph, you could use a transition phrase like "In addition to convenience" before discussing sanitation as another advantage of mobile payments.
2. For your counterargument paragraph, start with a topic sentence like "Some may argue that cash payments encourage better financial habits." This will clearly introduce the main point of the paragraph before addressing it in detail.

5. Grammar

In the realm of payments, there are none other than these two: mobile payment and cash. Either of these two approaches of payment has its merits and drawbacks. However, according to my understanding, I think the advantages of mobile payment outweigh those of cash. Firstly, convenience might be the most valuable merit for considering mobile payment. For example, if an individual wants to make a big purchase, such as car or house, electronic money might prove to be superior to cash because people don’t have to count the cash one by one and people have to carry the cash in a large bag, carry around, which is not pretty convenient for them to conduct. While paying by electronic money, people just need scanneed to scan(Use 'to' before the base form of a verb) the QR code to pay for the items they attained. Plus, with tons of bacteria and germs on it, the use of cash is not pretty good for people’s health. However, without direct contacting with the cash, the mobile payment tends to be much healthier because the chance of getting infected by bacteria and germs is almost zero. Therefore, sanitation is another advantage for people to make use of mobile payment rather than cash. Some people might argue against my point by claiming that cash payment might make people become more aware of saving money, compared with mobile payment which might promote financial recklessness. Well, there are some truths regarding that argument because with just a digital number, mobile payment prompts people to be spendthrift. However, individual’s real financial conditions will prevent people from dissipating. Therefore, taking into what I have just mentioned, the benefits absolutely outweighsoutweigh(punctuation + plural noun + singular verb) the disadvantages.

Display title: 6 Revised Essay

In the ever-evolving world of financial transactions, two primary methods of payment dominate the landscape: mobile payments and cash. Each approach has its own set of advantages and disadvantages. However, in my opinion, the benefits of mobile payments far outweigh those of cash transactions.

First and foremost, convenience is a significant factor that makes mobile payments more appealing than cash. For instance, when making a large purchase such as a car or a house, electronic money is far superior to cash. There is no need to count bills one by one or carry large sums of money in bags, which can be cumbersome and inconvenient. Instead, with mobile payments, individuals simply need to scan a QR code to complete their transaction.

Additionally, from a health perspective, mobile payments are a more sanitary option compared to using cash. Currency notes are known to harbor bacteria and germs due to their constant circulation among people. In contrast, mobile payments eliminate direct contact with physical money, significantly reducing the risk of infection from bacteria and germs. Thus, hygiene serves as another compelling reason for people to opt for mobile payments over cash.

Opponents of this viewpoint may argue that using cash encourages better financial awareness and promotes saving money since it is tangible compared to the abstract nature of digital numbers in mobile payment systems. While there is some truth in this argument as digital transactions can potentially lead individuals towards frivolous spending habits, it is essential to consider that one's actual financial situation will ultimately serve as a check against excessive spending.

In light of these points, it becomes evident that the advantages of mobile payments significantly outweigh their drawbacks when compared to traditional cash transactions. Embracing this modern method offers convenience and improved hygiene while still allowing individuals to maintain control over their finances. (308 words)

In the realm of payments, there are none other than these two: mobile ever-evolving world of financial transactions (clarification for better understanding), two primary methods of payment and cash. Either of these two approaches of payment dominate the landscape: mobile payments and cash. Each approach has its merits and drawbacks. own set of advantages and disadvantages. However, according to in my understanding, I think the advantages of mobile payment opinion (for a more natural tone), the benefits of mobile payments far outweigh those of cash. cash transactions.

Firstly, First and foremost, convenience might be the most valuable merit for considering mobile payment. is a significant factor that makes mobile payments more appealing than cash. For example, if an individual wants to make a big purchase, instance, when making a large purchase such as a car or a house, electronic money might prove to be is far superior to cash because people don’t have cash. There is no need to count the cash bills one by one and people have to or carry the cash large sums of money in a large bag, carry around, bags, which is not pretty convenient for them to conduct. While paying by electronic money, people just can be cumbersome and inconvenient (improved phrasing for clarity). Instead, with mobile payments, individuals simply need to scan the a QR code to pay for the items they attained. complete their transaction.

Plus, Additionally, from a health perspective (clarification for better understanding), mobile payments are a more sanitary option compared to using cash. Currency notes are known to harbor bacteria and germs due to their constant circulation among people. In contrast, mobile payments eliminate direct contact with tons of physical money, significantly reducing the risk of infection from bacteria and germs on it, the use of (improved phrasing for clarity). Thus, hygiene serves as another compelling reason for people to opt for mobile payments over cash.

Opponents of this viewpoint may argue that using cash is not pretty good for people’s health. However, without direct contacting with the cash, the encourages better financial awareness and promotes saving money since it is tangible compared to the abstract nature of digital numbers in mobile payment tends to be much healthier because the chance of getting infected by bacteria and germs is almost zero. Therefore, sanitation is another advantage for people to make use of mobile payment rather than cash. systems (clarification for better understanding). While there is some truth in this argument as digital transactions can potentially lead individuals towards frivolous spending habits (improved phrasing for clarity), it is essential to consider that one's actual financial situation will ultimately serve as a check against excessive spending.

Some people might argue against my point by claiming In light of these points (for a more natural tone), it becomes evident that the advantages of mobile payments significantly outweigh their drawbacks when compared to traditional cash payment might make people become more aware of saving money, compared with mobile payment which might promote financial recklessness. Well, there are some truths regarding that argument because with just a digital number, mobile payment prompts people to be spendthrift. However, individual’s real financial conditions will prevent people from dissipating. Therefore, taking into what I have just mentioned, the benefits absolutely outweighs the disadvantages.transactions. Embracing this modern method offers convenience and improved hygiene while still allowing individuals to maintain control over their finances.

Display title: 8 Mind Map

1. Introduction
   - Mobile payments vs. cash
   - Thesis: benefits of mobile payments outweigh cash transactions

2. Convenience
   - Large purchases (e.g., car, house)
   - No need to count bills or carry large sums
   - QR code scanning for transactions

3. Health and hygiene
   - Currency notes harbor bacteria and germs
   - Mobile payments eliminate direct contact with physical money
   - Reduced risk of infection from bacteria and germs

4. Counterargument: financial awareness and saving money
   - Tangibility of cash vs. abstract nature of digital numbers in mobile payment systems
   - Potential for frivolous spending habits with digital transactions

5. Rebuttal to counterargument 
   - Actual financial situation serves as a check against excessive spending 

6. Conclusion 
   - Advantages of mobile payments outweigh drawbacks compared to cash transactions 

Display title: 9 Key Words