TOEFL TPO 26 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Your professor is teaching a class on economics. Write a post responding to the professor’s question.

1. Sub Scores:

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 3.0

2. Estimated Scores:

Estimated Score: 22

3. Task completeness:

The essay addresses the professor's question and contributes to the discussion by expressing an opinion in favor of environmental protection. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, elaboration, and language use. The writer should provide more specific examples or details to support their viewpoint, as well as improve grammar and vocabulary.

Example 1: Original sentence: "I would add that this protect ability not only thought monitored environment but also have to decrease develop and destruction in the nature areas." Improved sentence: "I would add that protecting the environment involves not only monitoring industries but also reducing development and destruction in natural areas."

Example 2: Original sentence: "If we don't protect environment such as nature area and space, we can not gain enough resourese to sursivial, even cause serious problems." Improved sentence: "If we don't protect natural areas and spaces, we won't have enough resources for survival, which could lead to serious problems."

4. Essay structure and organization:

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, it could be better organized by focusing on specific points in each paragraph with supporting details. Clear transitions between ideas are also needed.

Example 1: Original paragraph structure: "I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly’s perspective that protect environment is significant issue in the world." Improved paragraph structure: "I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly’s perspective that protecting the environment is a significant issue worldwide. There are several reasons why I believe this is true."

Example 2: Original transition between ideas: "Although it is true that protecting humans are also crucial issue as Paul mentioned, he does not consider that this problems are created on the environment problem." Improved transition between ideas: "Although Paul raises a valid point about the importance of protecting humans, he fails to consider that many of these problems stem from environmental issues."

5. Grammar

I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly’s perspective that protect environment is significanta significant(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) issue in the world. I would add that this protectprotects(Plural verb after 'this' or 'that') ability not only thought monitored environment but also have to decrease develop and destruction in the nature areas. For example, people shoudehouse(misspelling) reduce many industries actives in the forest, restored the freahfresh(misspelling) water, increase planting the tree amount. Although it is true that protecting humans are also crucial issue as Paul mentioned, he does not consider that thisthese('this' vs. 'these') problems are created on the environment problem. If we don't protect environment such as nature area and space, we can not gain enough resoureseresources(misspelling) to sursivialsurvival(misspelling), even cause serious problems. Consequently, it is scarcely possible to address or improve this situation through PualPaul(misspelling)'s approach. Apparently, this concept does not hold water. Taking everything into account, I definitely believe that protect environment is significantly issue and finally target for mankindsmankind(misspelling), just as Kelly asserts.

Title: 6 Revised Essay

I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly's perspective that protecting the environment is a significant issue in today's world. I would like to emphasize that this protection should not only involve monitoring environmental practices but also actively decreasing development and destruction in natural areas. For instance, people should reduce industrial activities in forests, restore freshwater sources, and increase tree planting efforts.

Although it is true that protecting humans is also a crucial issue, as Paul mentioned, he does not consider that many of these problems stem from environmental degradation. If we fail to protect the environment, such as natural areas and spaces, we may not be able to obtain enough resources for survival, potentially leading to severe consequences. Consequently, it is unlikely that addressing or improving this situation through Paul's approach would be effective. His argument appears to lack substance.

Taking everything into account, I firmly believe that environmental protection is a significant issue and should be the ultimate goal for humanity, just as Kelly asserts. (168 words)

I wholeheartedly concur with Kelly’s Kelly's perspective that protect protecting the environment is (revised for grammatical correctness) is a significant issue in the world. today's world (added "today's" for clarity). I would add that this protect ability like to emphasize (changed "add" to "emphasize" for better word choice) that this protection should not only thought monitored environment involve monitoring environmental practices (revised for clarity) but also have to decrease develop actively decreasing development and destruction in the nature natural areas. For example, instance, people shoude should reduce many industries actives industrial activities (corrected spelling and word choice) in the forest, restored the freah water, forests, restore freshwater sources (corrected spelling and word choice), and increase tree planting the tree amount. efforts (revised for clarity).

Although it is true that protecting humans are is also a crucial issue issue, as Paul mentioned, he does not consider that this many of these problems are created on the environment problem. stem from environmental degradation (revised for clarity). If we don't fail to protect environment the environment, such as nature area and space, natural areas and spaces, we can may not gain be able to obtain enough resourese to sursivial, even cause serious problems. resources for survival (corrected spelling and revised for clarity), potentially leading to severe consequences. Consequently, it is scarcely possible to address unlikely that addressing or improve improving this situation through Pual's approach. Apparently, this concept does not hold water. Paul's approach would be effective (revised for better word choice). His argument appears to lack substance (idiomatic expression meaning his argument is weak).

Taking everything into account, I definitely firmly believe that protect environment is significantly environmental protection is a significant issue and finally target for mankinds, should be the ultimate goal for humanity (revised for better word choice), just as Kelly asserts.

8 Mind Map

1. Introduction

   • Kelly's perspective
   • Importance of environmental protection

2. Decreasing development and destruction

   • Reducing industrial activities in forests
   • Restoring freshwater sources
   • Increasing tree planting efforts

3. Connection to human protection

   • Environmental degradation as a source of human problems

4. Critique of Paul's approach

   • Ineffectiveness of ignoring environmental protection
   • Lack of substance in argument

5. Conclusion

   • Environmental protection as the ultimate goal for humanity

9 Key Words