TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Want one person should do to live in an environmentally friendly life?

1. 子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 3.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.0 Language Use and Grammar: 3.5

2. 预估分数

22. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章的任务完成度尚可，但仍有改进的空间。首先，文章没有明确回答问题，即一个人应该如何过上环保生活。虽然提到了避免无用购物和种植更多树木，但这些观点没有得到充分阐述。此外，文章中出现了一些语法错误和表达不清晰的地方。

改进建议：

• 更具体地回答问题，给出一个人如何过上环保生活的具体建议。

• 充分阐述你的观点，并提供相关例子或细节。

• 修改语法错误和不清晰的表达。

示例1：为了过上环保生活，一个人可以采取节约能源、减少浪费、使用可再生资源等措施。 示例2：例如，在日常生活中，我们可以关闭不必要的电器设备、购买节能产品、使用公共交通工具等方式来减少碳排放。

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面还有待加强。虽然有简短的引言、主体和结论部分，但缺乏明确的段落划分和逻辑组织。文章中的观点没有得到充分展开，导致文章缺乏深度和说服力。

改进建议：

• 明确段落划分，每个段落只讨论一个观点。

• 在主体部分充分阐述你的观点，并提供相关例子或细节。

• 使用恰当的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1：首先，避免无用购物是实现环保生活的一个重要措施。购买过多不必要的物品会导致资源浪费和环境污染。因此，我们应该根据自己的需求合理消费，减少对环境造成的负担。（在这个段落中，作者明确地讨论了避免无用购物这一观点，并提供了相关解释。）

示例2：此外，种植更多树木也有助于保护环境。树木可以吸收二氧化碳、净化空气、防止水土流失等。因此，在我们生活的社区增加绿化面积是实现环保生活的另一个有效方法。（在这个段落中，作者讨论了种植更多树木这一观点，并给出了具体的原因。）

5. 语法批改

Admittedly, Student A and Student B are right. People should avoid unuseful purchases and plant more trees to live in an environmentally friendly life. In my view, I think that we should let the policy makerpolicymaker(trouble maker (troublemaker)) know. In other words, policy makerpolicymaker(trouble maker (troublemaker)) should pay more efforts to let the public know the importance of living an environmentally friendly life. For example, I learned to save water because I had seen a TV program when I was a child. The TV program was made by the police maker, which let the public notice the significance of clean water. After that, I learned that many people could not access to clean water. NowNow,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) as a master of environmental health, I know one person's effort is really smalltiny(Extreme adjectives), and the policy makerpolicymaker(trouble maker (troublemaker)) could have a bigger power for it.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Undoubtedly, both Student A and Student B make valid points. People should refrain from making unnecessary purchases and plant more trees to lead an environmentally friendly life. In my perspective, it is crucial to involve policymakers in this conversation. In other words, policymakers should exert greater effort in raising public awareness about the importance of adopting eco-friendly lifestyles. For instance, I became conscious of water conservation after watching a television program as a child. This program, produced by policymakers, highlighted the significance of clean water and made me realize that many people lack access to it. Now, as a Master's student in Environmental Health, I understand that an individual's efforts may be limited in scope; however, when combined with the influence of policymakers, we can achieve a more significant impact on environmental preservation. (138 words)

Admittedly, Undoubtedly, both Student A and Student B are right. make valid points (revised for clarity and natural tone). People should avoid unuseful refrain from making unnecessary purchases (rephrased to sound more natural) and plant more trees to live in lead an environmentally friendly life. In my view, I think that we should let the policy maker know. perspective (revised for a natural tone), it is crucial to involve policymakers in this conversation. In other words, policy maker policymakers should pay more efforts to let the exert greater effort (rephrased for clarity) in raising public know awareness about the importance of living an environmentally friendly life. adopting eco-friendly lifestyles. For example, instance, I learned to save became conscious of water because I had seen conservation after watching a TV television program when I was as a child. The TV program was made This program, produced by the police maker, which let the public notice policymakers (corrected "police maker" to "policymakers"), highlighted the significance of clean water. After that, I learned water and made me realize that many people could not lack access to clean water. Now it (rephrased for clarity). Now, as a master Master's student in Environmental Health, I understand that an individual's efforts may be limited in scope; however, when combined with the influence of policymakers, we can achieve a more significant impact on environmental health, I know one person's effort is really small, preservation (revised for clarity and the policy maker could have a bigger power for it.natural tone).

Title: 8 思维导图

1. 环保生活
   - 减少不必要的购买
   - 种植更多树木

2. 政策制定者的作用
   - 提高公众环保意识
   - 制定有效政策

3. 个人与政策结合
   - 教育和宣传
   - 联合行动实现更大影响

4. 实例分析
   - 儿时看到的节水节目
   - 环境卫生硕士研究生的认识

Title: 9 关键词