TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: This week in class we are learning about different methods of advertising and their effectiveness. One advertising strategy that companies often use is to ask celebrities, famous entertainers, or sports figures to promote their products. However, some experts believe that it is more effective to have ordinary people talk about the product. Which of these two advertising strategies do you think is better?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

27. 3 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现较好，观点明确且与讨论话题相关。但是，为了进一步提高写作质量，可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在论述观点时可以加入更多具体的例子来支持观点；其次，尝试使用更丰富的词汇和表达方式，以增强文章的说服力。

示例1： 原文：For example, if I want to buy a television, I only concern the clearness of the screen and the price of the TV, almost never caring who endorse it. 改进：For example, when purchasing a television, most consumers prioritize factors such as screen clarity, price, and features rather than being influenced by celebrity endorsements.

示例2： 原文：As we all know, the advertising price for the celebrities is nearly 100 times higher than ordinary people. 改进：It is widely acknowledged that advertising costs for celebrities can be up to 100 times higher than those for ordinary people, making it a less cost-effective strategy for companies.

4. 文章结构与组织

文章结构方面整体不错，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在组织上还有一些可以改进的地方。首先，可以在引言部分简要介绍两种广告策略，以便为读者提供背景信息；其次，在正文部分，可以使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落。

示例1： 原文：Echoing Paul’s sentiments, I strongly support the “ordinary people” approach. 改进：In the debate between using celebrities or ordinary people in advertising, I strongly agree with Paul's preference for the "ordinary people" approach.

示例2： 原文：Firstly, consumers of most of the products are the ordinary people, which means that those products are targeted at the normal people not the fans of the celebrities, so ordinary people can better understand the needs of civilians, promoting the sales of products. 改进：Firstly, since most products are targeted at ordinary consumers rather than celebrity fans, advertisements featuring relatable individuals can better resonate with potential buyers and ultimately boost sales.

5. 语法批改

Echoing Paul’s sentiments, I strongly support the “ordinary people” approach. Firstly, consumers of most of the products are the ordinary people, which means that those products are targeted at the normal people not the fans of the celebrities, so ordinary people can better understand the needs of civilians, promoting the sales of products. For example, if I want to buy a television, I only concern the clearness of the screen and the price of the TV, almost never caring who endorse it. Additionally, hiring the ordinary people to advertise for the product is less costly compared to hire those celebrities. As we all know, the advertising price for the celebrities is nearly 100 times higher than ordinary people. Consequently, the company is able to obtain more profits. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the “ordinary people” approach is more effective and economic.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

In agreement with Paul's perspective, I firmly advocate for the "ordinary people" approach in advertising. Primarily, the majority of consumers are ordinary individuals, indicating that products are aimed at the general public rather than celebrity fanbases. As a result, ordinary people can better comprehend the needs of fellow civilians, thereby boosting product sales. For instance, when purchasing a television, my primary concerns would be screen clarity and price, with little regard for celebrity endorsements. Furthermore, employing ordinary individuals for advertising purposes is significantly more cost-effective compared to hiring celebrities. It is common knowledge that celebrity endorsement fees can be nearly 100 times higher than those of ordinary people. Consequently, companies can generate higher profits by adopting this approach. (123 words)

Echoing Paul’s sentiments, In agreement with Paul's perspective [rephrased for a more natural tone], I strongly support firmly advocate for the “ordinary people” approach. Firstly, "ordinary people" approach in advertising. Primarily, the majority of consumers of most of the are ordinary individuals [clarified meaning], indicating that products are the ordinary people, which means that those products are targeted aimed at the normal people not the fans of the celebrities, so general public rather than celebrity fanbases [clarified meaning]. As a result, ordinary people can better understand comprehend the needs of civilians, promoting the sales of products. fellow civilians [rephrased for clarity], thereby boosting product sales. For example, if I want to buy instance, when purchasing a television, I only concern the clearness of the my primary concerns would be screen clarity and the price of the TV, almost never caring who endorse it. Additionally, hiring the price, with little regard for celebrity endorsements [rephrased for a more natural tone]. Furthermore, employing ordinary people to advertise individuals for the product advertising purposes is less costly significantly more cost-effective compared to hire those celebrities. As we all know, the advertising price hiring celebrities [rephrased for the celebrities clarity]. It is common knowledge that celebrity endorsement fees can be nearly 100 times higher than those of ordinary people. people [clarified meaning]. Consequently, the company is able to obtain companies can generate higher profits by adopting this approach [rephrased for a more profits. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the “ordinary people” approach is more effective and economic.natural tone].

8 思维导图

1. 主题: 普通人广告策略
   - 适用于大众消费者
   - 与普通人需求相符

2. 优点
   - 更容易理解普通人需求
   - 提高产品销售

3. 示例: 购买电视时的关注点
   - 屏幕清晰度
   - 价格

4. 成本效益分析
   - 普通人广告成本较低
   - 节省资金并提高利润

9 关键词