TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Doctor Achebe: As we have been discussing in class, deciding where to donate money is an important consideration when supporting charitable causes. Some prefer local charities where the impact may be more visible, while others favor international ones tackling issues on a broader scale. With this in mind, when donating money to charity, what factors do you take into account when choosing between local and international organizations? Andrew: I prefer to give to local charities rather than international ones. Local organizations where I live allow me to witness firsthand the impact my contributions make. The visible difference - even a small amount - motivates me to keep supporting groups creating visible change close to home. Claire: I believe supporting international charities is the most impactful. Though local charities do good work, global issues like climate change and poverty affect millions more people. International groups have the scale and resources to drive systematic change on these pressing problems in ways smaller organizations simply can't. Donating to major international charities can thus create widespread, meaningful impact.
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Doctor Achebe: As we have been discussing in class, deciding where to donate money is an important consideration when supporting charitable causes. Some prefer local charities where the impact may be more visible, while others favor international ones tackling issues on a broader scale. With this in mind, when donating money to charity, what factors do you take into account when choosing between local and international organizations? Andrew: I prefer to give to local charities rather than international ones. Local organizations where I live allow me to witness firsthand the impact my contributions make. The visible difference - even a small amount - motivates me to keep supporting groups creating visible change close to home. Claire: I believe supporting international charities is the most impactful. Though local charities do good work, global issues like climate change and poverty affect millions more people. International groups have the scale and resources to drive systematic change on these pressing problems in ways smaller organizations simply can't. Donating to major international charities can thus create widespread, meaningful impact.
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In my opinion, supporting local charities is more impactful. This is because local organizations can be witnessed and can motivate you to maintain high interests into it directly. Though international organization can benefit more people all around world, most of the outcome is invisible so it may discourage your enthusiasm. To specify, when you donate 100 dollars to local organization, you can see a certain kids get more new clothes or books and a happy face. After seeing that, it can raise your a sense of achievement and push your to donate more. However, if you put those money into some global organization like NUICEF, the only thing you can see is just a piece of paper that certify you have donated it. As time goes by, you will totally lose interests because of lacking motivation.
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1. 子项得分
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Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5
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Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0
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Language Use and Grammar: 3.5
2. 预估分数
25. 3 任务完成度
这篇文章基本上完成了任务要求,阐述了支持本地慈善机构的观点。但是,可以在以下方面进行改进:
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提供更多具体的例子和详细信息来支持观点。
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深入讨论国际慈善机构的优缺点,以便更全面地比较两者。
示例1(改进): 当你向本地慈善机构捐款时,你可以亲眼看到社区里贫困家庭的生活得到改善,而这种改变可能会鼓励更多人参与其中。
示例2(改进): 尽管国际慈善机构在解决全球性问题方面具有广泛影响力,但它们可能在管理和监督方面存在问题,导致捐款效果不如预期。
4. 文章结构与组织
文章的结构和组织基本合理,包括引言、正文和结论。然而,在以下方面仍有改进空间:
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在引言中明确提出自己的观点。
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在正文中使用更清晰的过渡词和短语,使文章更连贯。
示例1(改进): 在引言中,可以这样表达观点:“在我看来,支持本地慈善机构比支持国际慈善机构更具影响力。”
示例2(改进): 在正文中,可以使用过渡词和短语来连接观点:“首先,当我们向本地慈善机构捐款时,我们可以亲眼看到捐款所带来的积极变化。其次,支持本地慈善机构还能鼓励更多人参与其中。”
5. 语法批改
In my opinion, supporting local charities is more impactful. This is because local organizations can be witnessed and can motivate you to maintain high interests into it directly. Though international organization can benefit more people all around worldthe world(This rule identifies whether the article 'the' is missing in a sentence.), most of the outcome is invisibleinvisible,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) so it may discourage your enthusiasm. To specify, when you donate 100 dollars to locala local(This rule identifies whether the article 'a' is missing in a sentence.) organization, you can see a certain kidsa certain kid(Agreement: 'a' + plural word) get more new clothes or books and a happy face. After seeing that, it can raise youryou're(you/your (you're)) a sense of achievement and push youryou(Detects potentially wrong usage of "your") to donate more. However, if you put those moneythis money('this' vs. 'these') into some global organization like NUICEFUNICEF(misspelling), the only thing you can see is just a piece of paper that certify you have donated it. As time goes by, you will totally lose interests because of lacking motivation.
Section Title: 6 Article Revision
In my opinion, supporting local charities yields a more significant impact. This is primarily because the tangible results of local organizations' efforts can be directly observed, fostering a sustained interest in their cause. Although international organizations have the potential to benefit a larger global population, the outcomes are often less visible, which may dampen one's enthusiasm. For instance, when donating $100 to a local organization, one might witness children receiving new clothes or books and displaying genuine happiness. Observing such positive effects can instill a sense of accomplishment and encourage further donations. In contrast, contributing to a global organization like UNICEF typically results in receiving a mere certificate of donation. Over time, this lack of tangible progress may lead to diminished interest due to insufficient motivation. (131 words)
In my opinion, supporting local charities is yields a more impactful. significant impact (revised for clarity and conciseness). This is primarily because the tangible results of local organizations organizations' efforts can be witnessed directly observed (revised for clarity), fostering a sustained interest in their cause. Although international organizations have the potential to benefit a larger global population, the outcomes are often less visible, which may dampen one's enthusiasm (revised for clarity and can motivate you conciseness). For instance, when donating $100 to maintain high interests into it directly. Though international organization can benefit more people all around world, most of the outcome is invisible so it may discourage your enthusiasm. To specify, when you donate 100 dollars to a local organization, you can see a certain kids get more one might witness children receiving new clothes or books and a happy face. After seeing that, it displaying genuine happiness (revised for clarity and conciseness). Observing such positive effects can raise your instill a sense of achievement accomplishment and push your encourage further donations (revised for clarity). In contrast, contributing to donate more. However, if you put those money into some a global organization like NUICEF, the only thing you can see is just UNICEF typically results in receiving a piece mere certificate of paper that certify you have donated it. As time goes by, you will totally lose interests because donation (revised for clarity and conciseness). Over time, this lack of lacking motivation.tangible progress may lead to diminished interest due to insufficient motivation (revised for clarity and conciseness).
8 思维导图
- 支持本地慈善机构
- 更显著的影响
- 直接观察到成果
- 保持对事业的兴趣
- 国际组织的影响力较小
- 成果不明显
- 可能减弱热情
- 实例分析
- 捐赠100美元给本地组织
- 见证孩子们得到新衣物或书籍
- 感受到成就感和鼓励进一步捐赠
- 向全球组织如联合国儿童基金会捐款
- 只收到捐赠证书
- 长期缺乏实质性进展可能导致兴趣减弱和动力不足
9 关键词
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English definition | Simplified Chinese translation | Sample sentences |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| tangible | /ˈtænʤəbl/ | adjective | clear and definite; real | 真实的,有形的 | The tangible results of local organizations' efforts can be directly observed. |
| enthusiasm | /ɪnˈθuziæzəm/ | noun | a strong feeling of interest and enjoyment | 热情,兴趣 | This may dampen one's enthusiasm. |
| significant | /sɪgˈnɪfɪkənt/ | adjective | large or important enough to have an effect | 重要的,显著的 | Supporting local charities yields a more significant impact. |
| outcome | /ˈaʊtkʌm/ | noun | the final result of a process or situation | 结果,成果 | The outcomes of international organizations are often less visible. |
| sustain | /səˈsteɪn/ | verb | to provide what is needed for something to exist | 维持,支持 | Fostering a sustained interest in their cause. |
| witness | /ˈwɪtnəs/ | verb | to see something happen | 见证,目睹 | - One might witness children receiving new clothes or books. |
| accomplishment | /əˈkʌmplɪʃmənt/ | noun | - something successful that you have achieved | - 成就,完成 | - Observing such positive effects can instill a sense of accomplishment and encourage further donations. |
| diminish | /dɪˈmɪnɪʃ/ | - verb | - to become smaller, weaker, or less important | - 减少,减弱 | - Over time, this lack of tangible progress may lead to diminished interest due to insufficient motivation. |
| insufficient | /ˌɪnsəˈfɪʃənt/ | - adjective | - not enough; not as much as is needed | - 不足的,不够的 | - Insufficient motivation may lead to diminished interest. |
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