TOEFL TPO None Academic Discussion Writing Sample: what is the best way for a company to have a positive impact on society?

1.子项得分 Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2.预估分数 Estimated Score: 27

3.任务完成度 这篇文章在回答问题方面做得很好，对社会和环境友好的公司运营方式表示支持，并给出了具体的例子。然而，文章可以在讨论慈善捐赠方面做得更好。建议增加对学生B观点的讨论，比较慈善捐赠和环保运营方式的优缺点。

Example 1: You could add a sentence like this to address Student B's viewpoint: "While charitable giving can provide immediate relief, as mentioned by Student B, it may not lead to long-term solutions for social and environmental issues."

Example 2: To compare the advantages of both viewpoints, you could write: "Both environmentally friendly operations and charitable giving have their merits; however, focusing on sustainable business practices addresses the root causes of problems and has a more lasting impact on society."

4.文章结构与组织 文章结构清晰，包括引言、正文和结论。然而，在段落之间可以使用更明确的过渡词来帮助读者理解不同观点之间的联系。此外，可以考虑将正文分为两个段落，一个讨论环保运营方式的优点，另一个讨论慈善捐赠的优缺点。

Example 1: To improve transitions between ideas, you could use phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" when discussing different viewpoints.

Example 2: You could reorganize the body of the essay like this:

• Paragraph 1: Discuss the advantages of environmentally friendly operations, using examples and supporting details.

• Paragraph 2: Address Student B's viewpoint on charitable giving and compare its advantages and disadvantages with environmentally friendly operations.

5. 语法批改

In my opinion, making companies’ operations more socially and environmentally friendly is the best way for a company to positively influence society. I strongly agree with Sarah’s idea that charitable giving doesn’t address the root causes of social problemsproblems,(This rule identifies whether commas are missing in a sentence.) and the success in attracting consumers’ attention could encourage other companies to do the same. I’d add that the investment in the new energy resources offers both the society and companies the high-quality living conditions, which will have a lasting impact on all aspects of human life. As for the social benefit, it is more possible for companies to provide working opportunities for the public, which will benefit the society in the long term and maintain the community stability. For example, when developing the electric vehicles, Tesla created a majority of jobs for people to manufacture these particular vehicles. Besides, the prevalence with electric vehicles actually reduces the pollution from traffic and does less harm to our environment.

6.文章修订

In my opinion, the most effective way for a company to have a positive impact on society is by making their operations more socially and environmentally friendly. I concur with Student A's perspective that focusing on sustainable business practices addresses the root causes of social and environmental issues, whereas charitable giving may only provide temporary relief.

Investing in renewable energy resources, for instance, benefits both society and companies by creating high-quality living conditions that have a lasting impact on all aspects of human life. Furthermore, companies can contribute to social welfare by providing employment opportunities for the public, which in turn fosters long-term community stability. Tesla's development of electric vehicles serves as an excellent example of this approach, as it not only created numerous jobs but also reduced pollution from traffic and minimized harm to our environment.

On the other hand, Student B argues that charitable giving is a more effective strategy due to its immediate impact on society's well-being. While philanthropy does indeed offer short-term relief to those in need, it may not lead to sustainable solutions for pressing social and environmental concerns. In contrast, environmentally friendly operations address these issues at their core and inspire other companies to follow suit.

In summary, both environmentally friendly operations and charitable giving have their merits; however, focusing on sustainable business practices tackles the root causes of problems and has a more lasting impact on society. By adopting such strategies, companies can not only improve their public image but also contribute significantly to the betterment of our world. (257 words)

7.文章批改

In my opinion, the most effective way for a company to have a positive impact on society is by making companies’ their operations more socially and environmentally friendly is the best way for a company to positively influence society. friendly. (Revised for clarity and coherence) I strongly agree concur with Sarah’s idea Student A's perspective that focusing on sustainable business practices addresses the root causes of social and environmental issues, whereas charitable giving may only provide temporary relief. (Revised for cohesion and coherence)

Investing in renewable energy resources, for instance, benefits both society and companies by creating high-quality living conditions that have a lasting impact on all aspects of human life. (Revised for vocabulary) Furthermore, companies can contribute to social welfare by providing employment opportunities for the public, which in turn fosters long-term community stability. (Revised for grammar) Tesla's development of electric vehicles serves as an excellent example of this approach, as it not only created numerous jobs but also reduced pollution from traffic and minimized harm to our environment. (Revised for sentence structure)

On the other hand, Student B argues that charitable giving doesn’t is a more effective strategy due to its immediate impact on society's well-being. (Revised for cohesion) While philanthropy does indeed offer short-term relief to those in need, it may not lead to sustainable solutions for pressing social and environmental concerns. (Revised for vocabulary) In contrast, environmentally friendly operations address these issues at their core and inspire other companies to follow suit. (Revised for transitions)

In summary, both environmentally friendly operations and charitable giving have their merits; however, focusing on sustainable business practices tackles the root causes of social problems and the success in attracting consumers’ attention could encourage other companies to do the same. I’d add that the investment in the new energy resources offers both the society and companies the high-quality living conditions, which will have a has a more lasting impact on all aspects of human life. As for the social benefit, it is more possible for society. (Revised for strong conclusion) By adopting such strategies, companies to provide working opportunities for the public, which will benefit the society in the long term and maintain the community stability. For example, when developing the electric vehicles, Tesla created a majority of jobs for people to manufacture these particular vehicles. Besides, the prevalence with electric vehicles actually reduces the pollution from traffic and does less harm to can not only improve their public image but also contribute significantly to the betterment of our environment.world. (Revised for advanced vocabulary)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Effective way for a company to have a positive impact
  • Socially and environmentally friendly operations

• Student A's perspective

  • Sustainable business practices
  • Addressing root causes of social and environmental issues

• Examples and benefits

  • Renewable energy resources
  • Employment opportunities
  • Tesla's electric vehicles development

• Student B's perspective

  • Charitable giving and philanthropy
  • Immediate impact on society's well-being

• Comparison and conclusion

  • Merits of both approaches
  • Lasting impact of sustainable business practices

9.关键词