TOEFL TPO -1 Writing Task 1 Sample: summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific arguments presented in the reading passage.
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Recent research has shed light on the health of aquatic ecosystems and the results are not good. to combat the declining health of marine ecosystems many scientists and politicians are advocating marine conservation techniques to ensure the preservation and restoration of ecosystems in oceans, seas, rivers and bays. marine conservation focuses on limiting human-caused damage to marine ecosystems as well as focusing on preserving vulnerable marine species. In the case of chesapeake bay, several techniques have been recommended to support sustainable populations of diverse and valuable animal species. The first recommended technique is to discontinue the harvesting of crabs. unsustainable fishing practices have reduced crab populations to dangerous levels, so much so that the chesapeake bay crabs are now endangered. halting crab fishing and harvesting will ensure that the crab population can return to healthy size. stopping exploitive fishing is the surest way to restore health to an aquatic ecosystem. A second aquatic ecosystem restoration technique is to introduce oysters into the bay environment. oysters are able to filter and mitigate pollutants and act as natural aquatic filters. like fish, oysters pass water over their gills exchanging gas. however, oysters also filter out particles in the water. in essence the oyster is absorbing all the pollution in its surrounding area and pumps out fresh, clean water. Another manmade threat to aquatic ecosystems comes from water pollution from farms that use fertilizers. fertilizer is not a problem if used carefully. however, if too much fertilizer is used or applied at the wrong time, it can easily wash off and flow into lakes and streams. fertilizers contain nutrients such as nitrates and phosphates that can over-stimulate the growth of aquatic plants and algae, creating an imbalance in the delicate ecosystem. educating farmers of the consequences of fertilizer usage as well as instructing them on proper usage and application should be forefront in conservation techniques.
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summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how they challenge the specific arguments presented in the reading passage.
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The reading passage presents three techniques which have been recommended to support sustainable population of diverse and valuable animal species in chesapeake bay. However, the speaker in the lecture finds all of theses techniques are far from ideal. Firstly, the reading material states that to discontinue the harvesting of crabs could be a solution. While the lecturer points out that such method could have detrimental impact on the local industry and economics, ruining the livelihood of local fisherman and nagetively influencing those who rely on the harvesting industry. Therefore, it is unlikely that the farmers would approve or follow such regulation. Secondly, the author suggests to introduce oysters into the bay environment to serve as the natural filters. In contrast, the speaker emphsizes that non-native species could bring new deseases to the enviroment which may do harm to the local species. To be more specific, the non-native oysters are known to carry several deseases which could be transmitted to the local fauna, causing unintended consequence and further damaging the ecosystem. So it is not a great idea to introduce oysters. Thirdly, the writer holds the opinion that farmers should be educated of the consequences of fertilizer usage and be instructed on proper usage and application. But the professor in the lecture argues that, though this method could work in a small scale, the farmlands in the chesapeake bay area are too huge that it is unrealistic to expect all the farmers there to follow the instruction. Thus, other methods should be developed to restore health to the aquetic ecosystem.
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1.Sub Scores
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Task fulfillment: 4
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Organization: 4
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Coherence and Cohesion: 4
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Language Use: 3
2.Estimated Scores
- Estimated Score: 25
3.Task completeness The essay does a good job of summarizing the points made in the lecture and explaining how they challenge the arguments presented in the reading passage. However, there is room for improvement in terms of language use and clarity. To improve task fulfillment, focus on refining your language skills and using more precise vocabulary to convey your ideas.
Example 1: Original: "While the lecturer points out that such method could have detrimental impact on the local industry and economics, ruining the livelihood of local fisherman and nagetively influencing those who rely on the harvesting industry." Improved: "The lecturer highlights that this approach could have a detrimental impact on local industries and economies, jeopardizing the livelihoods of fishermen and negatively affecting those who depend on crab harvesting."
Example 2: Original: "But the professor in the lecture argues that, though this method could work in a small scale, the farmlands in the chesapeake bay area are too huge that it is unrealistic to expect all the farmers there to follow the instruction." Improved: "However, the professor contends that although this strategy may be effective on a small scale, it is unrealistic to expect all farmers in Chesapeake Bay's vast agricultural area to adhere to these guidelines."
4.Essay structure and organization The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing each point from both reading passage and lecture, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in terms of coherence and cohesion. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one specific point with supporting details from both sources. Additionally, use clear transitions between ideas within paragraphs as well as between paragraphs.
Example 1: Original: "Firstly, ... Therefore, it is unlikely that the farmers would approve or follow such regulation." Improved: "Firstly, the reading passage suggests discontinuing crab harvesting as a solution. However, the lecturer argues that this approach could have negative economic consequences for local fishermen and related industries. As a result, it is unlikely that this regulation would be approved or followed by those affected."
Example 2: Original: "Secondly, ... So it is not a great idea to introduce oysters." Improved: "Secondly, the author proposes introducing oysters into the bay environment to serve as natural filters. In contrast, the speaker emphasizes that introducing non-native species can bring new diseases to the environment, potentially harming local species. Given these risks, introducing oysters may not be an effective solution."
5. Grammar
The reading passage presents three techniques which have been recommended to support sustainable population of diverse and valuable animal species in chesapeake bayChesapeake Bay(Checks upper/lower case spelling of some proper nouns). However, the speaker in the lecture finds all of thesesall theses(all/most/some (of) + noun) techniques are far from ideal.
Firstly, the reading material states that to discontinue the harvesting of crabs could be a solution. While the lecturer points out that such method could have detrimental impact on the local industry and economics, ruining the livelihood of local fisherman and nagetivelynegatively(misspelling) influencing those who rely on the harvesting industry. Therefore, it is unlikely that the farmers would approve or follow such regulation.
Secondly, the author suggests to introducesuggests introducing('admit', 'appreciate', 'avoid', 'enjoy' etc. with a base form of a verb) oysters into the bay environment to serve as the natural filters. In contrast, the speaker emphsizesemphasizes(misspelling) that non-native species could bring new deseasesdiseases(misspelling) to the enviromentenvironment(misspelling) which may do harm to the local species. To be more specific, the non-native oysters are known to carry several deseasesdiseases(misspelling) which could be transmitted to the local fauna, causing unintended consequence and further damaging the ecosystem. So it is not a great idea to introduce oysters.
Thirdly, the writer holds the opinion that farmers should be educated of the consequences of fertilizer usage and be instructed on proper usage and application. But the professor in the lecture argues that, though this method could work in a small scale, the farmlands in the chesapeake bayChesapeake Bay(Checks upper/lower case spelling of some proper nouns) area are too huge that it is unrealistic to expect all the farmers there to follow the instruction. Thus, other methods should be developed to restore health to the aqueticaquatic(misspelling) ecosystem.
Section Title: 6. Revised Essay
The reading passage presents three techniques which have been recommended to support sustainable populations of diverse and valuable animal species in Chesapeake Bay. However, the speaker in the lecture finds all of these techniques far from ideal.
Firstly, the reading material states that discontinuing the harvesting of crabs could be a solution. While the lecturer points out that such a method could have a detrimental impact on local industry and economics, ruining the livelihood of local fishermen and negatively influencing those who rely on the harvesting industry. Therefore, it is unlikely that farmers would approve or follow such regulation.
Secondly, the author suggests introducing oysters into the bay environment to serve as natural filters. In contrast, the speaker emphasizes that non-native species could bring new diseases to the environment which may harm local species. To be more specific, non-native oysters are known to carry several diseases which could be transmitted to local fauna, causing unintended consequences and further damaging the ecosystem. So it is not a great idea to introduce oysters.
Thirdly, the writer holds the opinion that farmers should be educated about the consequences of fertilizer usage and be instructed on proper usage and application. But the professor in the lecture argues that, though this method could work on a small scale, farmlands in Chesapeake Bay area are too vast for it to be realistic to expect all farmers there to follow instructions. Thus, other methods should be developed to restore health to aquatic ecosystems. (251 words)
The reading passage presents three techniques which have been recommended to support sustainable population populations (changed "population" to "populations" for plural agreement) of diverse and valuable animal species in chesapeake bay. Chesapeake Bay. However, the speaker in the lecture finds all of theses these techniques are (corrected "theses" to "these") far from ideal.
Firstly, the reading material states that to discontinue discontinuing (changed "to discontinue" to "discontinuing" for better flow) the harvesting of crabs could be a solution. While the lecturer points out that such a method could have a detrimental impact on the local industry and economics, ruining the livelihood of local fisherman and nagetively fishermen (corrected "fisherman" to "fishermen" for plural agreement) and negatively (corrected "nagetively" to "negatively") influencing those who rely on the harvesting industry. Therefore, it is unlikely that the farmers would approve or follow such regulation.
Secondly, the author suggests to introduce introducing oysters into the bay environment to serve as the natural filters. filters (changed "the natural filters" to "natural filters" for better flow). In contrast, the speaker emphsizes emphasizes that non-native species could bring new deseases to the enviroment diseases (corrected "deseases" to "diseases") to the environment which may do harm to the local species. To be more specific, the non-native oysters are known to carry several deseases diseases which could be transmitted to the local fauna, causing unintended consequence consequences and further damaging the ecosystem. So it is not a great idea to introduce oysters.
Thirdly, the writer holds the opinion that farmers should be educated of about (changed "of" to "about") the consequences of fertilizer usage and be instructed on proper usage and application. But the professor in the lecture argues that, though this method could work in on a small scale, the scale (added "on"), farmlands in the chesapeake bay Chesapeake Bay area are too huge that vast (changed "huge" to "vast") for it is unrealistic to be realistic to expect all the farmers there to follow the instruction. instructions (changed "instruction" to "instructions" for plural agreement). Thus, other methods should be developed to restore health to the aquetic ecosystem.aquatic (corrected "aquetic" to "aquatic") ecosystems.
8. Mind Map
- Introduction
- Sustainable populations
- Chesapeake Bay
- Techniques recommended
- Technique 1: Discontinuing harvesting of crabs
- Reading: Positive solution
- Lecture: Detrimental impact on local industry and economics
- Technique 2: Introducing oysters as natural filters
- Reading: Positive solution
- Lecture: Non-native species could bring diseases, harm local species, damage ecosystem
- Technique 3: Educating farmers about fertilizer usage and application
- Reading: Positive solution
- Lecture: Unrealistic for vast farmlands, other methods needed to restore aquatic ecosystems
- Conclusion
9. Key Words
| Word | Phonetic Symbol | Part of Speech | English Definition | English Translation (if needed) | Sample Sentences |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Sustainable | /səˈsteɪnəbəl/ | Adjective | Capable of being maintained at a steady level without exhausting natural resources or causing harm. | Sustainable farming practices are essential for preserving the environment. | |
| Diverse | /daɪˈvɜrs/ | Adjective | Showing a great deal of variety; very different. | The region is known for its diverse wildlife and plant species. | |
| Discontinuing | /dɪskənˈtɪnjuɪŋ/ | Verb | To stop doing or providing something; to cease to operate or cause to cease operating. | Discontinuing the use of harmful chemicals will help protect the environment. | |
| Detrimental | /ˌdetrəˈmentl/ | Adjective | Tending to cause harm. | Smoking is detrimental to your health. | |
| Non-native | /nɒnˈneɪtɪv/ | Adjective | Not indigenous or native to a particular area or region. | Non-native species can sometimes cause problems for local ecosystems. | |
| Ecosystem | /ˈiːkəʊsɪstəm/ | Noun | A biological community of interacting organisms and their physical environment. | The rainforest is a complex and diverse ecosystem. | |
| Fertilizer | /ˈfɜrtəlaɪzər/ | Noun | A chemical or natural substance added to soil or land to increase its fertility. | Farmers use fertilizer to improve crop yields. | |
| Consequences | /kənˈsiːkwənsɪz/ | Noun | A result or effect of an action or condition, typically one that is unwelcome or unpleasant. | _ | The consequences of deforestation are devastating for both wildlife and the climate. |
| Unrealistic | /ʌnrɪəˈlɪstɪk/ | Adjective | Not compatible with reality; not representing things as they really are. | _ | Expecting everyone to follow the rules perfectly is unrealistic. |
| Aquatic | /əˈkwætɪk/ | Adjective | Relating to water; living in or near water, or taking place in water. | _ | Aquatic ecosystems are sensitive to pollution and other environmental changes. |
6. Revised Essay
The reading passage presents three techniques which have been recommended to support sustainable populations of diverse and valuable animal species in Chesapeake Bay. However, the speaker in the lecture finds all of these techniques far from ideal.
Firstly, the reading material states that discontinuing the harvesting of crabs could be a solution. While the lecturer points out that such a method could have a detrimental impact on local industry and economics, ruining the livelihood of local fishermen and negatively influencing those who rely on the harvesting industry. Therefore, it is unlikely that farmers would approve or follow such regulation.
Secondly, the author suggests introducing oysters into the bay environment to serve as natural filters. In contrast, the speaker emphasizes that non-native species could bring new diseases to the environment which may harm local species. To be more specific, non-native oysters are known to carry several diseases which could be transmitted to local fauna, causing unintended consequences and further damaging the ecosystem. So it is not a great idea to introduce oysters.
Thirdly, the writer holds the opinion that farmers should be educated about the consequences of fertilizer usage and be instructed on proper usage and application. But the professor in the lecture argues that, though this method could work on a small scale, farmlands in Chesapeake Bay area are too vast for it to be realistic to expect all farmers there to follow instructions. Thus, other methods should be developed to restore health to aquatic ecosystems.
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