TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Which approach do you think is better: giving grades based only on performance or grading students not just on performance but also on their effort?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

• 28

3. 任务完成度

这篇文章在任务完成度方面表现良好，但仍有改进的空间。首先，你可以更详细地解释为什么结合努力和表现给分是更好的方法，例如提供具体的例子或数据。其次，在论述观点时，可以尝试引入对立观点进行对比，以使论证更有说服力。

改进示例1（英文）： Instead of just stating that grading based on effort and performance can promote students to work hard, you could provide a specific example, such as "When students know that their effort will be rewarded, they are more likely to engage in deep learning and explore various resources to gain knowledge."

改进示例2（英文）： You could also address the opposing viewpoint by saying something like "While some may argue that grading solely on performance ensures fairness, it is important to consider that not all students have the same learning styles or access to resources, so taking effort into account can help level the playing field."

4. 文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面表现不错，但仍有提升空间。建议在引言部分明确提出自己的观点，并在正文中逐一论证。此外，在段落之间使用过渡词或短语可以使文章更连贯。

改进示例1（英文）： In the introduction, you could make your stance clearer by stating "In this essay, I will argue that grading students based on both their effort and performance is a more effective approach."

改进示例2（英文）： To improve transitions between paragraphs, you could use phrases like "Firstly," "On the other hand," or "In conclusion" to guide the reader through your argument.

5. 语法批改

Kelly presents a convincing argument that grades ought to depend on the result of students' assignments. Admittedly, giving grades to those students who show teachers good performance on their assignments and tests is relatively fair. However, considering the main effect of assignments and tests is to check whether the students absorb the new knowledge, I am inclined to support the stand that grades should be based on not only the outcome but also the process. If one student spends a lot of time gleaning information from various ways, like surfing on the internet or reading books in the library, and his assignment only shows a fraction of the information he collected with the limitation of the words. Finally, he may get an average grade. This may discourage his passion for good preparation and is also unfair to him. Therefore. I firmly believe giving grades by combining effort and performance can promote students to work hard and really gain knowledge.

Section Title: 6 Article Revision

Kelly presents a persuasive argument that grades should primarily rely on the outcomes of students' assignments. Undeniably, awarding grades to students who demonstrate strong performance on their assignments and tests is relatively equitable. However, considering that the primary purpose of assignments and tests is to assess whether students have assimilated new knowledge, I am inclined to support the stance that grades should be based not only on the results but also on the effort expended. If a student invests considerable time in gathering information from various sources, such as browsing the internet or perusing books in the library, and their assignment only reflects a fraction of the information they collected due to word limitations, they may ultimately receive an average grade. This outcome could potentially dampen their enthusiasm for thorough preparation and may also be unjust. Consequently, I firmly believe that assigning grades by amalgamating effort and performance can encourage students to work diligently and genuinely acquire knowledge. (163 words)

Kelly presents a convincing persuasive(argument that grades ought changed to persuasive for better word choice) argument that grades should primarily(replaced "ought to depend on the result on" with "should primarily" for clarity and simplicity) rely on the outcomes of students' assignments. Admittedly, giving grades to those Undeniably, awarding grades to students who show teachers good demonstrate strong performance on their assignments and tests is relatively fair. equitable(changed "fair" to "equitable" for better word choice). However, considering the main effect that the primary purpose of assignments and tests is to check assess whether the students absorb the have assimilated(new word choice for better understanding) new knowledge, I am inclined to support the stand stance that grades should be based on not only the outcome on the results but also the process. on the effort expended(changed "the process" to "the effort expended" for clarity). If one a student spends a lot of invests considerable time gleaning in gathering information from various ways, like surfing on sources, such as browsing(changed "surfing" to "browsing" for better word choice) the internet or reading perusing(changed "reading" to "perusing" for better word choice) books in the library, and his their assignment only shows reflects a fraction of the information he they collected with the limitation of the words. Finally, he due to word limitations(changed phrasing for clarity), they may get ultimately receive an average grade. This outcome could potentially dampen(used a more specific term) their enthusiasm for thorough preparation and may discourage his passion for good preparation and is also unfair to him. Therefore. be unjust(changed "unfair" to "unjust" for better word choice). Consequently, I firmly believe giving that assigning grades by combining amalgamating(combined words into one term) effort and performance can promote encourage students to work hard and really gain diligently(replaced "hard" with "diligently") and genuinely acquire knowledge.

Title: 8 思维导图

1. Introduction

   • Persuasive argument
   • Grades based on outcomes

2. Purpose of assignments and tests

   • Assess knowledge assimilation

3. Importance of effort

   • Time investment
   • Information gathering

4. Limitations of results-based grading

   • Word limitations
   • Average grades for thorough preparation

5. Encouraging enthusiasm and diligence

   • Amalgamating effort and performance in grading

6. Conclusion

   • Acquiring genuine knowledge

Title: 9 关键词