TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Let's continue talking about consumer behavior.We have been discussing different ways people goabout choosing what products to buy, and thereare many potential sources of information and advice for consumers. In your opinion, which is the better strategy for making purchasing decisions. relying on advice from friends and family, or depending on information from online sources? Why?

1.子项得分

Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.0 Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 3.5 Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2.预估分数

25. 3.任务完成度

这篇文章在回答问题方面做得不错，但还有一些需要改进的地方。首先，你需要更详细地说明为什么通过互联网购物更合适。例如，你可以提到在线评论和评分系统如何帮助消费者了解产品的优缺点。此外，尝试引入更多具体的例子来支持你的观点。

Example 1: Instead of "Take taboo, the largest Chinese shopping app as an example," you could write "For instance, on Taobao, the largest Chinese shopping app, people can read reviews from previous buyers who share their experiences with the product, helping potential buyers make informed decisions."

Example 2: Instead of "In addition, the filters in the shopping apps can save a lot of time for people to buy things," you could write "Moreover, online shopping platforms offer advanced filtering options that allow users to narrow down their search based on specific criteria such as price range, brand, or customer ratings."

4.文章结构与组织

文章的结构和组织方面需要改进。虽然你有一个简短的引言和结论，但正文部分缺乏清晰的段落划分。为了提高文章的组织性，请确保每个段落都集中讨论一个特定观点，并使用恰当的过渡词汇连接各个段落。

Example 1: Instead of starting your essay with "I concur with Claire’s perspective," you could write "In the debate between relying on advice from friends and family or depending on information from online sources for making purchasing decisions, I believe that online sources are more suitable due to their efficiency and access to a wider range of opinions."

Example 2: You could add a transition sentence like "While personal recommendations from friends and family can be valuable, online sources offer several advantages that make them a better choice for making informed purchasing decisions." This would help connect your introduction to the body of your essay.

5. 语法批改

I concur with Claire’s perspective that it is more suitable to make purchasing decisions through internet. Firstly, the shopping apps and social medias recommending products provide consumer with a relatively large platform discussing the quality of products. Consumers with interest can check all of theall the(all of the (all the)) comments from previous buyers to make decisions. Take taboo, the largest Chinese shopping app as an example, people will be able to post the photos of themselves wearing the products like clothes ,, (Use of whitespace before comma and before/after parentheses)shoes, hats for others to make accurate reference. In addition, the filters in the shopping apps can save a lot of time for people to buy things, helping people to make good decisions with greater efficiency.

6.文章修订

In the debate between relying on advice from friends and family or depending on information from online sources for making purchasing decisions, I believe that online sources are more suitable due to their efficiency and access to a wider range of opinions. While personal recommendations from friends and family can be valuable, online sources offer several advantages that make them a better choice for making informed purchasing decisions. For instance, on Taobao, the largest Chinese shopping app, people can read reviews from previous buyers who share their experiences with the product, helping potential buyers make informed decisions. Moreover, online shopping platforms offer advanced filtering options that allow users to narrow down their search based on specific criteria such as price range, brand, or customer ratings. This not only saves time but also ensures that consumers find products tailored to their needs and preferences. (144 words)

7.文章批改

In the debate between relying on advice from friends and family or depending on information from online sources for making purchasing decisions, I concur with Claire’s perspective that it is believe that online sources are more suitable to due to their efficiency and access to a wider range of opinions. (This opening sentence clearly states the writer's position and introduces the main points that will be discussed in the essay.)

While personal recommendations from friends and family can be valuable, online sources offer several advantages that make them a better choice for making informed purchasing decisions through internet. Firstly, the shopping apps and social medias recommending products provide consumer with a relatively large platform discussing the quality of products. Consumers with interest can check all of the comments from previous buyers to make decisions. Take taboo, (This transition sentence acknowledges the value of personal recommendations but emphasizes the advantages of online sources.)

For instance, on Taobao, the largest Chinese shopping app app, people can read reviews from previous buyers who share their experiences with the product, helping potential buyers make informed decisions. (This sentence provides a specific example to support the writer's argument and explains how online reviews can help consumers make better choices.)

Moreover, online shopping platforms offer advanced filtering options that allow users to narrow down their search based on specific criteria such as an example, people will be able to post the photos of themselves wearing the price range, brand, or customer ratings. (This sentence introduces another advantage of online sources and explains how filtering options can save time and help consumers find products like clothes ,shoes, hats for others to make accurate reference. In addition, the filters in the shopping apps can save a lot of time for people to buy things, helping people to make good decisions with greater efficiency.tailored to their needs and preferences.)

8.思维导图

• Introduction

  • Debate: friends and family vs. online sources
  • Position: online sources are more suitable

• Advantages of online sources

  • Efficiency
  • Access to a wider range of opinions

• Example: Taobao

  • Reading reviews from previous buyers
  • Sharing experiences with the product

• Filtering options on online platforms

  • Narrowing down search based on criteria (price, brand, ratings)
  • Saving time and finding tailored products

9.关键词