TOEFL TPO -1 Academic Discussion Writing Sample: Do you agree that the benefits of switching jobs often outweigh the disadvantages? Why or why not?

1. 子项得分

• Relevance and Contribution to Discussion: 4.5

• Clarity and Elaboration of Viewpoint: 4.0

• Language Use and Grammar: 4.0

2. 预估分数

26. 3 任务完成度

整体来说，你的文章回答了问题，并且表达了你对于频繁换工作的看法。但是，你可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，在支持观点时可以提供更多具体的例子或者细节；其次，尝试使用更多不同类型的句子结构和词汇。

示例1（在支持观点时提供更多具体的例子）： 原文：Moreover, changing jobs frequently will make the employers doubt about your stability, and it will be difficult for you to form a trustworthy relationship with your leaders. 改进：Moreover, changing jobs frequently will make the employers doubt about your stability, as they may worry that you won't stay long enough to contribute significantly to the company's growth, making it difficult for you to form a trustworthy relationship with your leaders.

示例2（使用更多不同类型的句子结构和词汇）： 原文：My leader trust me, so she is willing to allocate some important tasks for me, which give me the opportunities to learn more than other colleagues. 改进：Since my leader trusts me, she is willing to assign important tasks to me, providing me with opportunities to learn and grow more than my colleagues who frequently change jobs.

4. 文章结构与组织

你的文章结构基本清晰，包括了引言、正文和结论。但是，可以在以下方面进行改进：首先，尝试使用更明确的过渡词或短语来连接不同的观点和段落；其次，在引言部分简要概括文章的主要观点。

示例1（使用更明确的过渡词或短语）： 原文：To be more specific, if people leave the company before they get familiar with the environment or develop skills needed for the occupation, they cannot improve their own abilities. 改进：To be more specific, if people leave the company before they get familiar with the environment or develop skills needed for the occupation, they cannot improve their own abilities, which in turn hinders their career growth.

示例2（在引言部分简要概括文章的主要观点）： 原文：I agree with Kelly’s idea that changing jobs too often has disadvantages over advantages due to the fact that people may not dive deeper into one field and therefore it may be hard for them get promotion. 改进：In this essay, I will argue that changing jobs too often has more disadvantages than advantages. I will discuss how frequent job changes can hinder individuals from diving deeper into a specific field and negatively impact their chances of promotion.

5. 语法批改

I agree with Kelly’s idea that changing jobs too often has disadvantages over advantages due to the fact that people may not dive deeper into one field and, and(comma between independent clauses) therefore it may be hard for them getto get(This rule identifies whether the preposition 'to' is missing in a sentence.) promotion. To be more specific, if people leave the company before they get familiar with the environment or develop skills needed for the occupation, they cannot improve their own abilities, which means they cannot compete for a job with higher salaries. Moreover, changing jobs frequently will make the employers doubt about your stability, and it will be difficult for you to form a trustworthy relationship with your leaders. For example, I have not changed my job since I graduated from university. My leader trust me, so she is willing to allocate some important tasks for me, which give me the opportunities to learn more than other colleagues.

Title: 6 文章修订

While I acknowledge the potential benefits of frequently changing jobs, such as exposure to diverse experiences and skillsets, I contend that the drawbacks often outweigh these advantages. Primarily, constantly switching careers hinders individuals from delving deeply into a specific field, consequently impeding their chances for promotions and higher salaries. In other words, if employees depart before acclimating to their work environment or honing the necessary skills for their roles, they will struggle to enhance their competencies and remain competitive in the job market. Furthermore, frequent job changes may raise concerns among employers regarding an individual's stability and commitment, making it challenging to establish trust with supervisors. For instance, since graduating from university, I have remained in my current position; this consistency has fostered a strong relationship with my leader who entrusts me with significant responsibilities, thereby affording me opportunities for growth beyond those available to my peers. (150 words)

Revised essay: Title: 7 文章批改

While I agree with Kelly’s idea acknowledge the potential benefits of frequently changing jobs, such as exposure to diverse experiences and skillsets (reason: clarifying the advantages), I contend that changing jobs too the drawbacks often has disadvantages over outweigh these advantages due to the fact that people may not dive deeper (reason: emphasizing the main argument). Primarily, constantly switching careers hinders individuals from delving deeply into one a specific field and therefore it may be hard for them get promotion. To be more specific, (reason: rephrasing for clarity), consequently impeding their chances for promotions and higher salaries (reason: explaining the result). In other words, if people leave the company employees depart before they get familiar with the acclimating to their work environment or develop honing the necessary skills needed for the occupation, for their roles, they cannot improve their own abilities, which means they cannot compete for a will struggle to enhance their competencies and remain competitive in the job market (reason: providing a detailed explanation). Furthermore, frequent job changes may raise concerns among employers regarding an individual's stability and commitment (reason: specifying potential employer concerns), making it challenging to establish trust with higher salaries. Moreover, changing jobs frequently will make the employers doubt about your stability, and it will be difficult for you to form a trustworthy supervisors (reason: explaining consequences). For instance, since graduating from university, I have remained in my current position; this consistency has fostered a strong relationship with your leaders. For example, I have not changed my job since I graduated from university. My leader trust me, so she is willing to allocate some important tasks for me, which give who entrusts me the with significant responsibilities (reason: providing a personal example), thereby affording me opportunities to learn more than other colleagues.for growth beyond those available to my peers (reason: explaining benefits of staying in one job).

8 思维导图

- Potential Benefits
  - Exposure to diverse experiences
  - Development of various skillsets

- Drawbacks
  - Hindered deep understanding of a specific field
    - Impeding chances for promotions and higher salaries
  - Struggle to enhance competencies and remain competitive in the job market
  - Frequent job changes raising concerns among employers
    - Stability and commitment issues
    - Challenging to establish trust with supervisors

- Personal Experience
  - Consistency in current position since graduating from university
    - Fostered strong relationship with leader
      - Entrusted with significant responsibilities 
      - Opportunities for growth beyond peers' reach 

9 关键词